


Tangled In Strings (being edited/reviewed)

by StarSpangledBucky



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Agent Bucky, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Awesome Phil Coulson, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Has To Be The Woman, Cabins, Character Death, Dancing, Dark Past, Disguise, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex Agent Steve, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake Character Death, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Feelings, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Future Clintasha, Hurt Steve, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), I Mean VERY Brief Steve/Tony, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Music, Old Friends, Original Character(s), Out of Character, Past Non-con Mostly Around Kissing and Touching When Not Allowed, Past Sexual Abuse, Poor Bucky, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Steve Is Tech Savvy, Switching, Talented Steve, Temporary Amnesia, Therapist Natasha, Tony Is Not Helping, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Violence, Ward And Rumlow Aren't As Nice As Everybody Thinks, Ward Is A Little Shit, Warning: Creepy Grant Ward, brief Tony/Steve, hail HYDRA, Русский | Russian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:05:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 64,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2541995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/pseuds/StarSpangledBucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent James Buchanan “Bucky" Barnes, one of S.H.I.E.L.D’s finest agents and a loyal friend, has some big shoes to fill. His latest assignment is to be a watcher over an ex-agent, now famous business man, Steven Grant Rogers, an old friend. With Steve just across the hall, Bucky can keep watch all day, every day. Yet their first unfriendly encounter goes awry when Bucky is accused of spying. All tension held aside, starts the journey of a forbidden friendship, maybe even a romance that both Steve and Bucky find impossible to refrain from. However a secret from years ago, may just come back to haunt Steve. And Steve soon realises that they’ve met before, they were best friends, and Steve was in love with him. But how long can Bucky keep the secret hidden as Steve starts to shape his past back together, piece by piece? And what dangers lurk that may very well tear the two apart? </p><p>“You saved my life once, sir. Back in 2009, in London, June the 7th,” </p><p>“Bucky?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Project: Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> \- AU - Secret Agent.  
> \- Bucky is post Winter Soldier.  
> \- Steve doesn’t recognise him as Bucky because Bucky had shorter hair and his new looks makes him unrecognisable. It’s explained better in the prologue as to why Steve is like that.  
> \- Brief Tony/Steve and I mean VERY brief, you’ll see. 
> 
> ~~~&~~~
> 
> "Oh, take me back to the start." - The Scientest - Coldplay

__

**_May 11th 2014, S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters, Brooklyn_ **

_Thick, black smoke surrounded him, suffocating and blinding him as he staggered through the burning building. His lungs were constricting his breathing as he coughed into the lapel of his suit, trying to feel for any doors to help him escape. It was 2009, and Bucky was on a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D, led by Director Phil Coulson. Everything had gone to plan, until one of his colleagues tripped an alarm, alerting their target. This stirred the entire building into a frenzy. Their target had escaped and the building was set alight. Bucky had been caught in the worst part of the building, trapped in a room for a while, before finding a hallway. He was fairly certain he was a dead man._

_“ Bucky!” a strained voice yelled._

_Through the smoke he could see the figure of another S.H.I.E.L.D agent, one that was very familiar._

_“Steve!” he called back hoarsely._

_The floor below him creaked, shuddered and groaned, a red and black glow showing almost instantly._

_“ Bucky!” Steve roared._

_The brunette felt the floor break away, his balance slipping as he fell backwards. That was until he felt a strong hand grasp his wrist for dear life. Blue, bloodshot eyes stood out from the blinding smoke, he was saved._

_“I’ve got you!” Steve exclaimed. “Till’ the end of the line,” he rasped, gripping Bucky’s wrist tighter._

_Everything went black after that, the smoke proving too much for Bucky._

_“ Bucky!” Steve’s voice echoed._

His eyes snapped open as he gasped, sitting upright in bed, sweat running down his forehead. Around him he could see the bare walls of his temporary room at S.H.I.E.L.D. Bucky ran his hands through his mid-length brunette hair, letting out a sigh of relief, but fear as well. Every night for the past five years he was taunted by the memories of that night Steve Rogers saved him, yet it was that night where he lost his best friend too. Bucky recalled waking up in the medical ward at S.H.I.E.L.D, a hand grasping his warmly. They were best friends, inseparable even. That evening was when Steve quit, handing his gun and badge to Phil, before shaking his hand and thanking him. No matter how much Bucky pleaded for him to stay, Steve couldn’t. He said something along the lines of ‘I can’t handle it anymore’ or ‘There’s more out there for me, just waiting’. Bucky was devastated, torn...heartbroken. He cried that night, he let his stronghold down and sobbed into his hands as he watched Steve leave. They tried to keep in contact, but Steve seemed to have just disappeared off the face of the Earth. S.H.I.E.L.D had advanced tracking technology, but Steve was like a ghost, like he didn’t exist anymore.

Bucky was completely different now. He still kept a firm hold on his emotions, as emotions only distracted him from his work. Yet when he was alone he would be overridden with sadness about Steve, playing with the dog tags the blonde had given him. His appearance had changed so much over the past five years. His hair was longer, compared to his short, messy style. An accident on the job left him with the loss of his left arm, which was replaced by a metal one, crafted by S.H.I.E.L.D with the logo at the top of the arm. There was horrible scarring from where it had been expertly attached, but Bucky saw them as reminders of how he pulled through it all. The arm was fully functional, picking up movements with signals in Bucky’s brain, it was nifty technology. There was messy stubble on his face now, course hairs that were all prickly since he last trimmed it. Bucky looked so much older now too, back in 2009 he was twenty one, now he was twenty six, Steve would be twenty seven now. He was barely recognisable now, sometimes the other agents had to do a double take when they saw him. The brunette stayed on at S.H.I.E.L.D for the sake of Steve, because Steve would have wanted him to continue on.

“Agent Barnes, Director Coulson requires you to be at the debriefing room in under five minutes,” a voice spoke, into his earpiece which he would keep on a lot of the time.

“I’m on my way,” he replied, finger pressed to the device.

He swung his legs over the bed as he pushed himself up and sauntered over to a bag that sat in the corner. When meeting with Phil, he would have to wear his S.H.I.E.L.D uniform, which would consist of a long sleeve synthetic like shirt that hugged his torso and displayed the S.H.I.E.L.D logo and a pair of tight pants that hugged every rippling muscle on him, along with his combat style boots. He had a belt which a holster was connected to, yet he wouldn’t need that. His mission uniform varied, sometimes it was a plain black and white suit, other times it was a black vest with buckles, armour on the side and straps, a black pair of cargo type pants and a heavier pair of combat boots. His right arm would be covered with a black sleeve, yet his left remained bare to display his metal arm. He’d also wear fingerless gloves for better grip on his guns. But sometimes that one would go as far as him having a leather type jacket over the top as well as a mouth mask and goggles. Bucky wasn’t so fond of the suit, but he had to wear it, it was of great importance when needed.

“Three minutes Agent Barnes,” the voice spoke again.

“Agent Hill, I’m going as fast as I can,” he snapped, lacing up his boots.

“Apologies Agent Barnes, but Director Coulson says it is somewhat urgent,” Maria replied.

“I’m coming now,” Bucky sighed, grabbing his belt and gun, deciding he better take them just in case.

On his way to the debriefing room he slipped his belt and placed his handgun into the holster. Fellow agents greeted him with bows of the head or a kind smile as he passed by. Bucky had become somewhat of a leader after Steve left, because back then Steve was the leader, he was the one you followed orders from. His boots hit off the metal flooring with a clattering sound as he darted down several corridors before coming to the main room of the head quarters.

“Director Coulson,” he spoke formally.

“Ah, Agent Barnes,” Phil replied, sounding a little relieved at Bucky’s presence.

“Agent Hill said this was urgent?” he questioned.

“Slightly yes, come over here please, you might want to sit down,” Phil issued.

Bucky didn’t like the tone Phil used when it was something urgent. It made him feel uneasy, unsure of what was to come. He decided not to sit, it couldn’t be that bad. Phil gave him a concerned look, before flicking a few things up on a hologram, files, data and images.

“We’ve found Agent Rogers,” he spoke calmly.

The brunette seized up, blood draining from his face as he stared at the images displayed. He began trembling as he sat down, nearly missing the seat altogether, but Maria was by his side in a split second.

“Easy there Barnes,” Phil soothed. “I know it’s a lot to take in,” he added.

“H-how?” Bucky asked shakily.

“He just showed up on the radar, we tracked his mobile GPS. He’s a well known business man now. Don’t you read or watch the news Agent Barnes?” Phil queried.

“I-I never have time,” Bucky wavered, his head falling into his hands.

He couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t fucking believe it. Five years and here he was, slouched in a chair, staring at photos of Steve, his old friend.

“He’s changed,” he issued.

Steve looked buffer than all those years ago, his blonde hair still remained, but it was messier. He used to have this keen interest for the 1940‘s and would usually have his hair combed and parted, He looked so much older as well.

“We’ve had news that he might be under threat. We aren’t quite sure who is after him, but he is in danger. Barnes, we know how hard this must be. But, we need you to be his watcher, a bodyguard of some sort, without his knowledge of course,” Phil explained.

“He wouldn’t recognise me anyway. It’s been a long, long time,” Bucky choked out. “But my arm will be a dead giveaway with the S.H.I.E.L.D logo,” he added.

“See, that’s the thing. About a year ago Rogers was in a serious car accident,” Phil replied. “He suffered amnesia, he can’t remember much, he can’t remember working for S.H.I.E.L.D, doesn’t remember S.H.I.E.L.D at all actually,” he continued.

“Does-” Bucky paused. “Does he remember me?” he asked.

“We aren’t sure,” Phil answered.

Bucky just nodded as he looked back at the images of Steve, his stomach churning uneasily.

“When do I start?” he questioned.

“Tomorrow at midday. You’ll be moving into an apartment directly across from Steve. You can speak with him, and if he invites you into his premises, do it. But by no means are you to form a friendship with him. Your job is to protect, distractions will put you in danger as well as Steve,” Phil informed. “We can’t afford mistakes. I need you to report in every three days as well,” he added.

“Yes Director,” Bucky replied, standing from his seat.

He was dismissed shortly after a further debriefing, retreating back to his room. His fist smashed into the mirror of his private bathroom, glass jamming between the metal of his fingers. Bucky couldn’t believe they found Steve. But what hurt the most was that Steve didn’t remember anything, probably didn’t remember him. Or so he thought.

* * *

**_May 11th 2014, Stark Industries, Manhattan_ **

“All I’m saying is, we need to think of better funding tactics. I mean, the one we have now is doing great. But we need to step it up to a higher level,” Steve spoke proudly.

Meetings, he hated them oh so much, but he had to do it from time to time. After his accident a year ago, Steve struggled to find work. Hell, he couldn’t even remember where he used to work. His memory was all so vague, broken bits and pieces here and there. Most of it was about his best friend Bucky, well, he didn’t have one anymore really. He was informed three years ago that Bucky had been killed while on a mission from someone he didn’t quite know, nor trust. Steve let it rot inside him for years, he still hasn’t stopped grieving. It wasn’t until he met Tony Stark, the head of Stark Industries, when things started to look up for him. He became a part of Stark Industries, Tony’s ‘right hand man’, his ‘wingman’ and also something a little more than that. The brunette eyed him from across the table, twirling a stylus in between his fingers as he smiled coyly at the blonde. He’d mouth a cheeky ‘You’re doing great babe’ at him, chuckling when Steve tried to stop himself from blushing. Once the meeting was all over, the room would clear and then Steve and Tony would be alone.

“You did fantastic,” Tony hummed.

“I try my best,” Steve mumbled.

“Hey,” Tony mused, grabbing the blonde’s hand. “You are the best, you have so much charisma, everybody loves you,” he added.

Steve simply shrugged, slipping some documents into a folder.

“Stevie,” Tony crooned, tugging his hand.

“What?” Steve sighed.

“C’mere,” he whispered, fingers resting on Steve’s jaw.

Steve turned, facing Tony as the brunette lent up and pressed his lips to the blonde’s.

“Tony not at work,” he groaned, pulling away.

Tony frowned as he stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You’re really angry today and I don’t like it,” he huffed.

“I’m not,” Steve replied.

“Oh yes you are,” Tony snapped.

“I’m not angry!” Steve exclaimed, voice cracking slightly.

“Because that totally wasn’t angry,” Tony mused.

Steve gathered up his things as he shoved it in his satchel bag, loosening his tie as he swung the bag over his shoulder.

“I just really need some time alone today,” he sighed.

“What are you sulking about this time?” Tony questioned.

The blonde went rigid, brow creasing as he kept his back turned to the brunette.

“If you really need to know. Three years ago today I got told my best friend was dead,” Steve replied, eyes watering slightly.

“Who Bucky? Christ Steve, you need to let it go. So you two knew each other, but did you ever really know his proper name?” Tony barked.

“No, from what I know, we had to address each other by whatever name we decided on. I stuck with Steve, but he went with Bucky. That’s all I remember, I have amnesia still Tony, don’t you remember me telling you this?” he spat.

“Clearly I wasn’t listening,” Tony muttered.

“Obviously not,” Steve growled.

The tension in the room only seemed to escalate the more they stayed quiet. Steve’s eyes were focused on the floor and Tony’s were burning into Steve’s skull.

“You know what Steve. I thought about this for a while. I thought about us, about our future. And you know what I saw? A broken future. You’re not right mentally or emotionally Steve. I’m already messed up and I don’t think I can deal with double that from you anymore,” he issued.

“So what was that brief kiss for if you were thinking that?” Steve asked.

“I-” Tony paused. “I don’t know,” he added.

“Do you wanna’ leave?” Steve questioned, voice cracking sadly.

“I think it would be best if we just went back to being business partners. I still need my wing man,” Tony replied.

Steve shuddered, letting out a choked, broken breath as he quickly wiped a stray tear from his cheek. What hurt the most was how casual Tony was being about it, how happy and relieved he sounded. Steve had been used to a break up. But this one hurt the most, he’d been with Tony for quite a while. Now he was basically telling him to scram.

“Fine,” he whispered. “That’s fine with me,” he added regretfully.

“See you first thing tomorrow?” Tony asked.

“Of course,” Steve answered coldly.

Without another word, Steve left the room without Tony tagging along beside him like they usually did. His pace quickened as the tears began to fall furiously. Steve used to be able to hide all this emotion, but now he was far too sensitive and emotional. Tony was right, he wasn’t right emotionally, he was broken, damaged. As he waited for the elevator he fished out his mobile and sent a text to his good friend Natasha Romanov.

_“I’m on my way home. Do you want to come over? Bring beer xx” - Steve_

He shoved his mobile back in his pocket as the doors to the elevator opened and he stepped inside, leaning against the far wall. Steve completely broke down then as the tears failed to subside. He wanted to remember his past, every last bit of it. So far it looked unlikely. His chest heaved as he tried to contain steady breathing. He still had the half an hour drive back to Brooklyn, depending on the traffic. Hopefully he could make it there in one piece.

* * *

Night rolled in and Steve was sat at his sleek, black piano, playing the tune of Coldplay’s ‘The Scientist’ in perfect sync with the backing track. Music was a thing that allowed Steve to relax and go into a world of his own. Either his piano or guitar would be played if he was feeling angry, sad or inspired. Whenever he was happy, he’d sing. But he wasn’t happy, not right now, so he remained silent and played an instrumental version of the song. Natasha was running a little late, but Steve was patient. His nimble fingers pressed down on the keys as he swayed gently, eyes closed as he just felt the music. Steve breathed, lived and fed on music. A quick knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts as he slowed down playing, before standing up as he made his way to the door. When he swung it open, he was relieved to see Natasha standing there with beer and ice cream.

“Your favourite beer, your favourite double chocolate ice cream? This is your break up emergency stash. Whose face am I punching?” she questioned.

Steve couldn’t help but laugh a little as he ushered her inside and took the beer and ice cream into the kitchen.

“Hey,” she soothed, hand resting on Steve’s arm.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered.

“Oh Steve,” Natasha replied, rubbing circles on his back.

Tears welled in the blonde’s eyes again, shoulders shaking as thoughts of this afternoon refreshed in his mind.

“Steve,” Natasha spoke worriedly.

He shook his head as he turned around and wrapped Natasha up in a hug. Her boots gave her a good bit of height, so she didn’t have to lean up much as Steve sobbed on her shoulder. She held him tighter, soothing him, telling him it would be okay. She’d helped Steve a few times with his memory recovery, she was a trained therapist after all. Steve considered her like a sister, she was a very important part of his life.

“It’ll get better Steve. One step at a time. Tony wasn’t worth it, he’s a playboy. He always stays with someone then wants someone new,” Natasha huffed.

“How did you know it was him?” Steve questioned, voice hoarse.

“I can just tell,” she answered.

They pulled away as Steve wiped the tears from his eyes and swallowed the growing lump in his throat.

“All better?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah, yeah...the hug was nice,” Steve whispered.

“Good, come on, let’s crack open a beer and have some ice cream straight from the tub while we watch some comedy movies,” Natasha chimed.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get the beer and ice cream,” Steve replied.

Natasha smiled softly as she sauntered over to the couch and sat down, throwing her legs over the arm of it, nudging a pillow under her back. Steve watched her flick through the movies he had on a USB, plugged into the TV, watching her smile grow at a certain collection of movies.

“Hey, how about Pirates Of The Caribbean?” she queried.

“Sounds good to me,” Steve mused, popping the beer caps off.

“They aren’t comedy, but who cares,” she chuckled.

“Hey they’re funny! Captain Jack Sparrow is the man!” Steve exclaimed.

“Whatever you say fan boy. Come on I’m waiting,” Natasha complained.

Steve chuckled lightly as he grabbed two spoons and wandered over with the comfort items. He sat down, handing Natasha a beer as she cuddled into his side, pressing play on the remote. This is what Steve loved the most, having a friend there to comfort him. Yet big surprises awaited him, so much so they might turn his life upside down.


	2. Chapter One - Broken Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just take it like a man." - Strange Face - Tito & Tarantula

Bucky woke early the next morning, showered, dressed and packed, all in that order. He wasn’t exactly going to miss his room at S.H.I.E.L.D. If anything, he was glad that he was getting out there into the world. Most of all, he was eager to see Steve up close. Although, he did dread it a great deal, knowing he would have to be incognito.

_“You can speak with him, and if he invites you into his premises, do it. But by no means are you to form a friendship with him,”_

Phil’s words stung like a burn, they had a friendship, long ago. Now it was basically lost, yet Bucky never really lost hope that maybe someday the pair would be reunited properly and wouldn’t have to deal with boundaries. His sunglasses sat loosely on his face as he looked at some files on his lap. He had everything he needed to know about where Steve would go, who Steve would see. Bucky didn’t recognise any of them, nor had he been given their names, just a clear view of their appearances. Back in their S.H.I.E.L.D days it was just the two of them. His eyes scanned over the pictures he was given, some back from when Steve worked at S.H.I.E.L.D, the time he had his hair parted and combed everyday.

“Agent Barnes,” Maria spoke.

The brunette looked up, closing the folder as he tilted his head up, sunglasses being propped up in his hair.

“Yes Agent Hill?” he replied.

“How do you keep yourself together, knowing that you’ll have to watch over an old friend, speak to him as if you’ve never met him before, someone who probably doesn’t recognise you anymore?” she questioned.

“I don’t,” Bucky mused. “Because inside I’m hurting, and that’s not keeping it together,” he added.

“Understood,” Maria answered, averting her gaze from the brunette.

The car slowed as they pulled into the underground car park of the apartment block, that Bucky would be living in. He breathed out slowly as he tucked the folder into his satchel bag, putting the strap over his shoulder. His clothing was casual, so not to raise suspicion, just a simple grey shirt, denim jeans, a black leather jacket and a pair of converse hi-tops. It felt comfortable for once, Bucky felt normal.

“Good luck James,” Maria issued.

Bucky looked at her, a small smile showing on his face.

“Thank you Maria,” he replied.

She simply smiled kindly back at him, brushing her hand off his comfortingly.

“Agent Barnes, we’ve arrived,” Phil spoke, Bucky’s earpiece crackling a little.

“On my way sir,” he answered.

He opened the door as he stepped out into the dim light of the underground car park, closing the door behind him. Phil stepped out of the car in front, sunglasses still perched on his face as he approached Bucky.

“We’ve supplied you with furniture and other essentials in the apartment. Your personal belongings are in there also,” he informed. “And-” he paused, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a set of keys and a card. “This is the key card for your apartment. And these are the keys to your car which is just over there,” he continued, pointing behind Bucky. “Enjoy it. Please make sure you check in every three days. We’ll update you on our progress in finding out who is after Steve. Good luck,” he added.

“Thank you sir,” Bucky replied, glancing briefly at the sleek black and red Ford Mustang Shelby GT500. “I appreciate it,” he added.

Phil gave a curt nod before he made his way back to the S.H.I.E.L.D car and disappeared inside. Bucky moved out of the way as he watched the cars leave, his metal fingers grasping the keys tightly. He looked around as his eyes fell on a door which led into a lobby, figuring that was the way to go. His eyes caught a familiar glint over a motorcycle, gaze falling on a shiny Harley. He knew straight away that it was Steve’s and it made his gut churn, a memory flashing before him.

_“Really Steve? How much did that cost you?” Bucky laughed._

_“Couple grand, I saved for it though,” the blonde replied._

_“Well it’s certainly somethin’,” he chuckled, clapping Steve on the shoulder._

_“We should go out for a spin on it one day, together,” Steve mused._

_“One day Steve, one day,” Bucky hummed._

They never went on that bike ride, Bucky didn’t even get the chance to ask about it. He turned away as he walked through the lobby, looking like a lost puppy, eyes searching for the elevator. It was around the corner at the end, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he called it down. Bucky was praying to the Gods that he didn’t run into Steve, he didn’t really feel well enough to see him yet. He swiped the card and pressed the tenth floor button, the doors closing quickly. The elevator was fast, Bucky was glad for that. He stared down at the floor, nerves twitching at him as he heard the metal structure shudder to a halt. The doors opened and Bucky stepped out, sauntering down to room thirteen, across from room twelve where Steve was. Loud laughs erupted from the room, causing Bucky to seize up as he fumbled with his key card. The sound of a door had him trying to shield himself as best he could, not daring to look behind him.

“Darling, you must visit my condo someday, you’ll love it,” a tender male voice spoke, a British twang in the mix.

“Maybe I will. One weekend when I’m free,” a rougher male voice replied.

Bucky choked out a shuddering gasp. Steve still sounded exactly the same, voice soft, rough and velvety. His ears started ringing as he gripped the door handle tightly with his metal hand. He glanced to the side, catching a glimpse of Steve, heart dropping to his stomach. Steve still looked great in a suit, just like the good old days.

“I’ve got to run and I believe you have work. I’ll let you go,” the younger man spoke.

The brunette took note of his long, jet black hair, pale skin and tall slender frame, eyes masked by sunglasses. Bucky matched him to one of the files in his bag, he just didn’t know his name.

“I’m going right now, I’ll walk with you,” Steve issued.

“Alright love,” he chimed.

Steve grinned, shutting the door behind him.

“You look great today by the way,” he mused.

“Oh Steve, you flatter me,” the younger man chuckled.

“Would you have me any other way Loki?” Steve asked.

Loki.

Absolutely not,” Loki gushed. “Now come along, you’ll be late,” he added.

“Fine, fine,” the blonde huffed.

Bucky watched the pair walking down the way he had just been up, Steve playfully nudging Loki, who let out a small laugh. A boyfriend? Bucky thought. He would never have put Steve down for someone who swung that way. Yet who was he to judge? He kept it to himself, but Bucky had been feeling attracted to men for quite a while. But getting involved with romance would distract him from his job, he couldn’t have that. His nerves finally relaxed as he got his door unlocked, looking back at Steve once more, seeing the blonde get in the elevator, before he retreated into his apartment. The door slammed and Bucky sank down to the floor, leaning against it, his metal fingers raking through his hair. He hit his head back against the door, covering his eyes with his hand as tears threatened to spill.

“Contain yourself Bucky,” he hissed, biting his bottom lip.

Five years was a really long time to not see your friend, and seeing him now only hurt Bucky even more. He didn’t want to feel like this, he wanted to scream at Steve and tell him he was here. But he couldn’t, this was torture for him.

“Agent Barnes, are you safely in your apartment?” Phil’s voice came over his earpiece.

“Yes sir,” Bucky choked out.

“Is it to your liking?” he asked.

“It’s great, thanks,” Bucky replied.

“Agent Barnes, are you alright?” Phil questioned.

“No Director, I’m not. I...saw Steve,” the brunette answered.

“I’m very sorry,” Phil mused. “I truly am,” he continued. “But please try and remain focused,” he added.

“Yes Director,” Bucky sighed.

“We will give you a moment to settle in,” Phil issued.

“Just a moment?” Bucky questioned, frowning.

“We need you to be undercover for a few hours while Steve is at work,” Phil informed.

“Jeez, the guy can’t go to work privately?” the brunette scoffed.

“Agent Barnes this is a matter of life or death!” Phil scolded.

Bucky winced, letting go of his earpiece at Phil’s loud yelling.

“I’ll be ready in twenty minutes,” Bucky answered.

“Good, inform us when you are on your way and we will give you the coordinates,” he replied.

“Affirmative sir,” the brunette mused.

He let out a groan as he got up from the floor and dumped his bag on the kitchen counter.

“Oh and please remember your badge and gun,” Phil interrupted, yet again.

Bucky grumbled as he wandered around his apartment. He wasn’t forgetful, did Phil think he was incapable? The brunette shook his head as he looked out of the balcony window, breathing in the fresh air. This was going to take a lot of getting used to for him. If only he could rekindle his friendship with Steve.

* * *

The trip to Manhattan took Bucky longer than he had intended. He stupidly got stuck in the rush hour traffic and didn’t make it in until half an hour after his initial arrival time. Phil of course had lectured him and Bucky simply rolled his eyes. He stopped outside a cafe that was directly across the road from Stark Industries. Bucky had heard of it, he heard of Tony Stark, the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. His name was bitter on Bucky’s tongue when he relaid it back to Phil. He’d ordered a coffee and breakfast, just so he didn’t look completely suspicious or mysterious to those surrounding him. From where he was sitting he could see directly into the office where Steve worked, his sunglasses replaced by a high-tech pair that had zooming mechanisms in them. Bucky changed before he left, his attire casual, again to avoid suspicion. His metal hand was covered with a black glove, along with his other hand, a long sleeve jacket keeping his arm covered entirely.

“Captain is in sight,” he spoke quietly, just enough for Phil to hear.

“Great, keep close watch Agent Barnes,” Phil replied.

“Yes sir,” Bucky answered.

He lent back in the creaky metal chair, picking up his coffee as he took a sip. The brunette was like a hawk watching its prey, his eyes darting here, there and everywhere, whilst still keeping most of his attention on Steve. ‘Captain’ was a code name for him that Phil had given to Bucky to use when addressing Steve. It made Bucky snicker quietly to himself when Phil wasn’t listening.

“Captain is on the move Agent Barnes,” Phil spoke.

“I thought I was keeping watch?” Bucky questioned.

“You are, but we have eyes on you and him. I may have forgotten to mention that we would drop in from time to time to watch you both,” he issued.

Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes as he looked up at Steve’s floor, seeing a shorter man talking to him. He could only assume that he was Tony Stark. The brunette scoffed, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Getting in with rich guys huh Steve?” he whispered.

He squinted his eyes, watching as Steve threw his arms out in front of him, looking pretty angry. Bucky’s eyebrow raised as he sat forward, hand resting on his thigh.

“What the hell?” he hissed.

Suddenly, he saw Steve being grabbed by his tie by Tony, his instincts kicking in immediately. His gun was tucked under his jacket as he rushed forward, getting ready to cross the road quickly.

“Agent Barnes stand down!” Phil yelled.

“But sir,” Bucky replied.

“Mr Stark is not a threat!” Phil exclaimed.

The brunette’s gaze went back up to Steve’s office, his eyes seeing something that quite rightly made his stomach churn. Tony was pressed against Steve who was lent against a desk, their lips fused together.

“Oh god,” Bucky gasped, looking away.

He had however completely missed the blonde pushing Tony away, arms flailing about again. Bucky was lent against a lamppost, fingers curled into his brunette hair. He’d just seen his best friend all over a guy, making him feel embarrassed and a little upset. He was upset from thinking that maybe that’s all Steve left S.H.I.E.L.D for, to be with rich, egotistical men who probably just used him as some kind of show off trophy boyfriend.

“Agent Barnes?” Phil questioned.

“Here sir,” Bucky answered shakily.

“What did I say about getting distracted?” he asked.

“Sir, I agreed to keep close watch on Steve. I did not agree to watch him get all ‘touchy feely’ with another man,” Bucky snapped.

“That’s besides the point. You could be seeing a lot worse,” Phil answered.

Bucky almost gagged, gut churning again. He didn’t sign up for this.

“No matter what is going on with Steve. You must remain focused. If he dies, you only have yourself to blame,” Phil informed.

“Understood,” Bucky sighed.

His head tilted up as his gaze fell on a man standing a few metres away from him. There was a suspicious vibe around him and Bucky immediately straightened up. He placed his fingers to his earpiece, eyes still on the tall figure.

“Sir,” Bucky spoke. “I’ve got a suspicious target at twelve o’clock, he’s staring directly into Captain’s office,” he added.

“Follow him,” Phil ordered.

“Yes Director,” Bucky replied.

He pulled his gun from under his jacket, keeping it out of sight from citizens as he kept a close eye on his target. The gentleman moved, striding across the road, Bucky hot on his tail, keeping himself as shielded as possible.

“Steady Barnes,” Phil issued.

Bucky’s breathing was slow and laboured, heart pounding in his chest as he continued walking. As he reached the final crossing, the tall figure turned, gun pointed at Bucky. The brunette pulled his gun out at that point and held it up also.

“Who do you work for!” he yelled.

Citizens stood around as cars stopped, the brunette pacing toward the other side, slowly.

“I said who are you working for!” he roared.

A wry smile crossed the man’s face as he turned the gun on himself, aiming for his chest.

“Agent Barnes stop him!” Phil exclaimed.

_Bang!_

Bucky flinched, eyes darting to the man who now lay in a pool of his own blood. Several women screamed as Bucky rushed forward and pressed two fingers to the man’s pulse point.

“Nothing,” he whispered, fingers up at his earpiece. “Sir, he’s dead,” he issued.

Meanwhile, on the forty third floor of Stark Industries, Steve was interrupted by the gunshot that ran through the street. He and Tony were in a heated argument after Tony tried to win Steve back, somewhat, until the gunshot stilled the fight.

“What the hell is going on?” Tony questioned.

“Some guy just shot himself,” Steve replied, peering out the window.

“What? You’re joking,” Tony answered.

“I’m serious Tony,” Steve barked.

The brunette rolled his eyes as he walked over to the window and looked out also.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed.

“That’s sad,” Steve sighed.

“Yeah? Well, sometimes it’s the only way out for some,” Tony replied.

Steve shook his head as he moved away from the window and sat down at his desk. He ran his hands through his hair, the adrenaline of arguing gone, feeling Tony’s presence from behind him.

“Tony,” he groaned.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I said we were finished. I mean it this time, I just missed you last night,” the brunette mused.

“Please don’t,” Steve hissed.

Tears were stinging at his eyes again. The very thought of Tony just being there was upsetting and angering him. He didn’t need Tony’s sympathy, he didn’t need anything from him anymore. But Tony was far too manipulative to let it go yet.

“I’m not in your life anymore, not romantically anyway. I’m only in your life now because I work here and we have work to do,” Steve issued.

“I could easily fire you,” Tony replied.

“You wouldn’t,” Steve scoffed.

“Oh wouldn’t I?” Tony protested.

“No, because you need me,” Steve retorted.

Tony grinned coyly, fingers tracing the back of Steve’s neck, causing him to shudder.

“I said stop,” he whispered.

“Deep down you don’t want me to, when did you ever not want me to,” Tony crooned.

A knock at the door pulled Tony away from his manipulative flirting as he stepped away from Steve.

“Come in,” he replied.

“Sir, the building has been locked down for a few hours,” a security guard informed.

“Thank you,” Tony answered. “We’ll stay here,” he added.

“What happened exactly?” Steve questioned.

“We aren’t quite sure sir,” the guard replied.

“Alright,” Steve mumbled, turning his attention back to some files.

The guard left the room as it fell completely silent, save for Tony’s shallow breathing.

“Y’know,” he paused.

“Don’t speak,” Steve snapped.

“We’re stuck in here for a few hours, just us,” Tony continued.

The click of a lock had Steve freezing on what he was doing as he looked up.

“We could do some work, maybe mix it with some pleasure,” the brunette added.

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw Tony undoing his tie slowly.

“Just for old times sake,” Tony purred.

“You can’t expect me to give in after you broke my heart, told me I was a mess and made me cry for hours last night? Funny Tony, real funny,” the blonde laughed sarcastically.

“One last bit of fun and we’ll definitely call it quits. I’m sure you’d want someone different to little old me,” Tony hummed.

His hands fell on Steve’s shoulders as he started to massage them gently. Steve groaned.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he whispered.

“We won’t speak about it again,” Tony replied.

The brunette’s lips brushed Steve’s jaw, causing him to let out a shaky breath, fingers crinkling the files in his hands.

“Come on baby, you were always so good at making me scream,” Tony soothed.

A clatter of a chair was the only audible thing in the room as Steve rose to his feet. Pens, files, books and other objects went flying off his desk. He grabbed Tony by the shirt, crushing their lips together as he spun him around. Tony groaned when he felt Steve’s hips pin him on the desk, their teeth knocking together in a fierce kiss. Steve knew he would regret it later, he knew he would feel disgusted. And he knew he would have to tell one person who would give him the lecturing of his life.

* * *

“Steven Grant Rogers what were you thinking!” Natasha yelled, throwing her arms in the air.

“Keep it down Nat,” Steve hissed, feeling eyes on him.

“I come over and comfort you last night and then you go and screw Tony in your office one last time. You’re in so much trouble,” she grumbled.

“I know, I feel horrible,” Steve whined. “I feel horrible about it all,” he added.

Natasha’s face softened as she reached across the table and took Steve’s hand in hers.

“It stops now, okay?” she questioned.

“I’ll resign if I have to,” he mused.

“No, don’t do that,” she warned. “You have to move on now. Try and remember that, that asshole humiliated you and called you a mess. None of that is okay,” she added.

“I know. And thank you,” Steve replied.

“Where are you heading after this?” Natasha asked.

Steve shrugged.

“Walk in the park maybe to clear my head, then I’ll go get groceries. Maybe I’ll drop in and see Loki,” he answered.

“We need to have a get together soon, you, me, Thor, Loki and Bruce,” Natasha mused.

“We do. I’ll organise it one day,” the blonde chimed. “Just, maybe not this weekend,” he added.

“Why’s tha-oh,” Natasha whispered, seeing the sudden change in Steve’s posture. “Bucky,” she sighed.

“Yeah, the very first day we met. I felt that I’d visit the park we used to go to and I’d lay some flowers for him under our favourite tree,” Steve explained.

Natasha smiled softly.

“Maybe you need to visit his grave too, you haven’t been in a while. You need closure, I understand. And what you do is good, it’s good for your mental emotions. I’m proud of you Steve. Really,” she soothed.

“Thanks Nat,” Steve replied, smiling back at her.

“I better go. I have a client in twenty minutes,” she issued.

The blonde nodded understandably as he got up from his seat and went over to give Natasha a hug.

“Call me if you need anything,” she offered.

“I will,” Steve replied.

They pulled apart as Natasha waved kindly and took her leave. Steve let out a small sigh as he dropped a couple of dollar notes on the table and a tip, before going in the opposite direction of where Natasha went. Whenever he was left on his own he felt extremely lonely. Now with Tony out of his life it was even worse. He still couldn’t get over his stupidity this morning, he was ashamed. That’s why having Bucky around was great for him, but Bucky was just a memory now. Steve wished he could remember more about his friend, he wanted to remember.

“Because I’m with you till’ the end of the line, pal,”

His jaw clenched at Bucky’s words, taunting his mind with pain. They never made it to the end of the line, at least, Bucky didn’t. The blonde took a shortcut down an alleyway, slipping his hands in his pockets to keep warm.

_Splash!_

Steve turned quickly, eyes looking around frantically for the source of the noise. Yet it seemed like nothing, maybe it was just him, so he ventured on. He had an eerie feeling in his stomach for the entire journey to the park. A part of him felt like someone was following him and they were doing a damn good job and keeping in the shadows. And ideally, there was, but it was only Bucky. He was asked to stay on watch for Steve while Phil dealt with the casualty. The brunette was still a bit shaken from the adrenaline that was running through him. Again, Steve spun around at the sound of a noise, and Bucky stealthily hid behind a wall, his breathing slow and shallow.

“I’m losing my fricking mind,” Steve muttered.

As he came into the clearing of the park, a sense of relief washed over him. This was the place where he could feel content and happy. Bucky loved that look, even if he could only admire it from afar. The blonde wandered up a pathway and sat down on the wooden bench, looking out at the lake. Bucky stood on the hill a few metres away, resting himself against a tree. He felt that Steve was out of danger for now, but knew he had to stay. He just hoped he didn’t have to go out and watch Steve everyday, it felt very invasive. Steve looked up at the clouds, smiling softly as a memory washed over him, one from way back.

_“Clouds are amazing,” Bucky spoke._

_“Yeah? If only they weren’t so far away to touch,” Steve replied._

_Bucky snorted._

_“They’ll probably feel like nothing, they’re just wisps,” he issued._

_Steve smiled as he looked over at the brunette, the sun shining on his skin, making it radiant. Bucky looked at him then, smiling also._

_“Punk,” he mused._

_“Jerk,” Steve retorted._

The memory faded and Steve was yet again dulled by the ache in his chest. He pulled a picture from his pocket as he stared at it. It was one of himself in Bucky, drinking in a bar after a job well done. They looked happy and comforted in each other’s presence. A pain in his head caused him to wince as he lent forward, head clasped in his hands. When something came back to him, a part of his past, he would get headaches. However, apparently that was normal. This section of memory however was one he would hate the most, the one where he found out that Bucky was pronounced dead.

_It was 2011, a cold winter evening in Brooklyn. Steve had long since left S.H.I.E.L.D and was working at a local bakery. He had still kept in contact with Bucky, on rare occasions. His excuse was that he always had to work early, that he needed to keep his sleep routine in line. When a time came that he would take the day off, he would stay home and indulge in watching TV show re-runs or catching up on new movies. It was like Bucky was second best. A knock at his door had stirred him from his spot on the couch. When he swung the door open, he saw Maria Hill, who had tears in her eyes._

_“Maria?” Steve spoke._

_“I’m very sorry I have to say this Steve. And at such an ungodly hour. But, Bucky has-” she paused._

_“Is everything okay?” Steve asked._

_Maria shook her head as more tears fell._

_“I’m sorry. Bucky was on a mission, he got caught in the crossfire during it. I’m afraid that, he fell to his death,” she choked out._

_Steve froze, his face paling as he fell against the door frame._

_“No,” he whispered._

_“We can’t recover his body, we tried, we really did,” Maria issued._

_The blonde shook his head as tears started to pool in his eyes, his fingers racking into his hair. His body trembled as he slid down to the floor, head falling into his hands. Maria couldn’t do much else, but Steve asked her to leave eventually. He didn’t really care who heard him. Steve sobbed in the open doorway of his apartment, choked gasps leaving his throat as his hands shook violently. For months after that night, he mourned for his best friend. He drank until he passed out, he stopped working, stopped sleeping correctly. Then two years later he had his accident, and was left with nothing but a shattered past, a broken mind._

_“Bucky...”_

When Steve regained himself, he saw dark patches on his pants, from the tears he shed. Some memories haunted him, others made him smile from the good times he and Bucky had shared.

“How I wish you were here pal,” he whispered.

The sun was starting to pass beyond the horizon and Steve figured that he should probably grab the groceries before it got dark. He had wished that he’d brought his Harley, but preferred walking most of the time. As he stood up, Bucky perked his head up from the picnic bench he had moved to, eyes locked on the blonde.

“Where are you going now huh?” he hummed.

He let Steve walk for a bit, before he caught up to him, keeping to the shadows. There was a reason that Bucky was one of the most valued S.H.I.E.L.D agents. And it was because of his stalking skills, he was like a cheetah waiting on its prey. It didn’t feel right to be following an old friend, but he knew he would ease into a routine soon enough. His footsteps were quiet on the freshly mown grass as he kept up with Steve’s pace. A million thoughts were racing through his head. What if Steve recognised him? What if he got caught out one time? How long would he be able to keep this up for? All the questions had turned his attention away from Steve, now realising that the blonde was nowhere in sight.

“Shit,” he cursed.

“Agent Barnes, how is Captain?” Phil asked, voice ringing in the brunette’s earpiece.

“Uh, Captain is safe,” Bucky mumbled nervously.

“You lost him didn’t you?” Phil questioned.

“Yes,” Bucky sighed.

“Dammit Barnes! You’re supposed to be our best!” the other man yelled.

“I’m trying sir! Okay! If you saw someone you haven’t seen in years then you would probably feel as bad as me!” the brunette exclaimed.

His chest was heaving as he tried to hold back tears that were threatening to take over at any minute.

“You just don’t understand,” he choked out.

“Alright Bucky, it’s okay,” Phil replied.

Phil only ever used their first names when he felt guilty and sentimental. Bucky dropped to his knees as a sob escaped his throat, his eyes watering violently. No words could ever describe the pain he was in, emotionally. Every part of him just wanted to quit so he could be happy with Steve, so he could go back to being his friend.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” a soft voice questioned.

Bucky flinched as he turned around and locked eyes with a set of sparkling, emerald green ones. He knew him, not personally, but his face was familiar. Bucky then realised that the man before him was the one who was with Steve outside his apartment this morning, Loki. He was a lot nicer looking up close, and Bucky was glad to see what the colour of his eyes were for future reference, not that they were hard to miss.

“Yeah, I-I’m fine,” he muttered.

“Are you sure love?” Loki asked.

The brunette nodded as he stood up, brushing dirt off his jeans. Loki eyed him curiously as he wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck.

“You seemed a bit distressed,” he spoke.

“You could say that,” Bucky replied.

“Anything serious?” Loki questioned.

“I can’t really talk about it,” he answered.

Loki simply nodded in understanding as he clasped his gloved hands together.

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” he issued.

“Oh no, really. Thank you for asking,” Bucky mused.

The younger man smiled, holding his hand out.

“I’m Loki,” he soothed.

_I know_  Bucky thought.

“James,” the brunette chimed.

He took Loki’s hand in his, shaking it firmly before letting go.

“Well James, it was nice to meet you. But I best be off. Take care of yourself darling,” Loki crooned.

“You too,” Bucky replied.

Bucky couldn’t help but swoon a little at that British twang that Loki had. He had a bit of a strong liking for them. As he watched Loki disappear he looked around the park that was now fairly quiet. He guessed that most people didn’t like wandering around there at night. However, Bucky could have walked around for hours.

“Agent Barnes, it’s our clock off time. The rest of the time is your own. However, if anything happens we need to be informed immediately,” Phil spoke.

Bucky pressed his fingers to the earpiece.

“Yes sir,” he whispered.

“Have a good night,” Phil replied.

A sigh of relief left his lips as he turned the earpiece off and closed his eyes. It was always a treat to not have Phil barking orders in his ear. As much as he admired the older man, sometimes he sounded like a nagging parent. Bucky looked up at the sky, the stars starting to line it, sparkling brightly. He could recall looking at the stars with Steve most nights, back in their S.H.I.E.L.D days, it was his greatest memory. He would always remember one line that Steve used to quote, one he had stuck in his head for years.

“The stars always guide you back to those most important,” he mumbled.

His eyes followed a line of stars, ending just near his apartment building. At that moment, he smiled, a genuine smile, one he hadn’t made in quite a while. With one last look at the lake, he started to make his way out of the park. He didn’t plan on going home just yet, he felt a drink was needed. Yet he just wished Steve could be there with him...just like old times.

* * *

“Get out of here!” a security guard yelled.

“Fuck off I’m going!” Bucky slurred, stumbling down the steps. “Jeez,” he sighed.

One drink turned into two, three...then to a record score of eight. Bucky wasn’t a lightweight, but eight had him at least a little wobbly on his feet. He fell back against a wall and groaned, letting out a belch as he chuckled like a child. His vision was only slightly blurred, so he figured he could walked back home, regretfully having to leave the nightlife of Brooklyn, which he was enjoying. As he took a shortcut down an alleyway he hummed a song, shoes scuffing on the ground.

“Jesus it’s cold,” he whined, wrapping his arms around himself.

The walk home would have sobered him up as it was at least and hour walk, unfortunately. Bucky knew he was going to get so much crap from Phil in the morning, while he quite possibly nursed a headache. But having a few drinks felt good, it cleansed his sorrows and he seemed to become a cheery drunk. The dim light of his apartment could be seen when he turned the corner out of the alleyway.

“Home, sweet home,” he sighed.

Bucky yawned loudly, moving his hands into his pockets to fish out the keys because the doors were locked for people who didn’t live there, until the morning, unless you asked to get in. He swiped the card over the panel as the doors opened, his eyes narrowing at the bright lobby light.

“God, is the sun out already?” he huffed groggily.

A few people in the lobby stared at him as he walked by, some shaking their heads. Bucky scoffed as he pressed the button for the elevator and waited. He was exhausted now, eyelids dipped low, body limp on the wall. The elevator doors opened as he sauntered in, scanning his key card for his floor, pressing the ‘close doors’ button. Bucky felt awful, ashamed and disappointed. He was never like this when Steve was around.

“Steve,” he sighed, eyes falling closed.

The elevator halted and Bucky grumbled, stepping out as he made his way to his door.

“God dammit,” a voice cursed.

Bucky’s eyes fell on a figure from the door across from his, crouching down to pick up his key card and keys. The brunette kept his head low, high tailing it to his door as he fumbled with the key card. His gaze aimlessly fell on Steve, the blonde turning also.

“Fuck,” Bucky hissed.

Steve’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Bucky. The brunette felt his heart pounding erratically, thinking that Steve must know. The blonde was giving him that strange look. But that whole feeling fell apart when Steve smiled kindly and waved. Bucky wanted to scream then, all hope lost, yet it was good in a sense, so he simply waved back. The exchange was silent, yet friendly, before Bucky managed to get the door open. He disappeared inside, locking the door as he slumped against it, sliding now, groaning and having a bit of deja vu from this morning.

“You idiot Bucky,” he cursed.

His fingers slid through the silky brunette strands on his head, before grasping a bunch of them tightly in his hands. The alcohol was starting to wear off now, a thousand emotions ripping through him at once. Tears fell yet at the same time a raging scream left his lips. Bucky cowered like a startled animal, hugging his knees to his chest as he sobbed. He trembled and gasped, his body becoming uncontrollable, his head pounding painfully. A flashback hit him like a brick, he had experienced a lot of them lately, they came and went until all he could hear were voices.

_“Agent Barnes, this is your new partner, Agent Rogers,”_

_“Hi, call me Steve,”_

_“Bucky,”_

_“Great to meet you Bucky,”_

_“Because I’m with you till’ the end of the line,”_

_“You’re my best friend,”_

Bucky gasped, his eyes flying open as he stared into the darkness of his apartment. Sweat ran down his forehead, hands shaking violently on his knees. He blinked through the residing tears, heart beat still audible in his ears.

“Come on Buck, get it together,” he snapped.

Then came a knock, a knock so loud Bucky nearly jumped out of his skin. It came again and he knew that someone was definitely outside his door, it wasn’t an illusion. The brunette staggered to his feet, flicking the light and wiping the tears away as he sorted himself. He didn’t exactly want to look like a dag. When he opened the door he was met with a pair of sea blue eyes and a gentle smile.

“Hi, sorry to disturb you, I just-” Steve paused, looking a little flustered.

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh internally in his head.

“I noticed you just moved in. And I-I didn’t catch your name,” the blonde continued.

_Don’t screw this up, you have to be undercover remember_  Bucky thought.

“James,” he replied, still a little hoarse from the alcohol and the angered scream. “James Barnes,” he added.

“Steve Rogers,” the blonde mused, holding his hand out.

The brunette grasped Steve’s hand, giving it a firm shake, before letting go. He couldn’t get over how much older Steve looked, not much older, but much more a man, less a boy.

“Have you been to Brooklyn before?” Steve questioned.

“Grew up here,” Bucky answered. “Can’t tell by the accent?” he asked.

“Yeah, yours isn’t as broad, but I could hear a little hint of it,” Steve chuckled. “But no kidding, I grew up here too,” he added.

“I know,” Bucky mumbled.

“What?” Steve replied.

“Sorry,” Bucky apologised. “Caught up in my own thoughts. But uh, that’s great, y’know, great to know someone grew up in the place I call home,” he continued.

Steve grinned.

“Hey, if you ever need a hand with anything, or need someone to pal around with...just come find me. I’m in my apartment most of the time, except for work, so feel free to come over,” he mused.

“Thanks, but I’ll probably be really busy too. I work a lot. It’s a big business,” Bucky answered.

“Oh, that’s fine,” Steve replied, a little disappointment in his voice.

Bucky could see the look on his face, he knew that face. Over the years he had spent with Steve he had deciphered every face Steve had made, except for new ones that he probably hasn’t seen at all. Phil’s words were rolling around inside his head, the ones about not having a friendship with Steve. He decided to go against it, he decided he’d make the first move and invite himself over for a night instead of Steve organising it. He couldn’t stand the hurt look on Steve’s face.

“I’d love to come over for dinner one night, if that’s okay?” he asked.

Smooth Bucky, smooth.

“Seriously?” Steve questioned.

He had also said it so he could snoop around Steve’s place, digging up anything he could relay back to Phil, even if he felt guilty for it. Yet maybe it gave him a chance to get up to speed with what Steve did with his life.

“Yeah, why the hell not? Gives me a chance to get to know someone around here,” he replied.

“Great! Well, I-here I’ll give you my number and you can text me with details,” Steve issued.

Bucky tried not to laugh at Steve pulling out a notepad and pen from his pocket.

“Typical,” he huffed.

Luckily, Steve didn’t hear him as he scrawled his name and number on the paper.

“Here, text any time, even if I’m sleeping because I’ll get it when I wake up,” he spoke, handing the paper to Bucky.

“Thanks,” the brunette hummed.

“See you around?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Of course, Steve,” Bucky answered.

“Catch ya’ later James,” Steve crooned, giving him a small wink.

 Bucky watched his friend leave, before closing the door as he wandered into his bedroom to sleep. Now all he had to do was tell Phil a little lie, and try not to blow his cover. Steve’s life was in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed more manipulative Tony, I really did, but I swear that was the last. Steve and Tony are done. Also, how do you think Bucky is going to react when he finds out that S.H.I.E.L.D had lied to Steve, telling him that he was dead? And if you ask why Steve didn't bat an eyelid at Bucky's name 'Barnes', it's obviously because the only thing he can really remember (for now) is just Bucky's name, not his full name. The amnesia is terrible yes, but later on he's going to start having flashbacks that will soon make him see who the man is that's trying to protect him.


	3. Chapter Two - Rogue Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "With our backs to the wall, the darkness will fall." - Ready! Aim! Fire! - Imagine Dragons

Today was the day Steve was dreading the most, the day he would go and visit Bucky’s grave. He’d spent so long avoiding it, spent so long dwelling on it. His plans were all set out as usual, just like every year, except for the grave visit. It was the weekend, so work was off the agenda, he wouldn’t have to see Tony until Tuesday because he never worked on Mondays, Steve hated Mondays. His first plan was to sit in his apartment and look at photographs of himself and Bucky. There weren’t many, just a few. Steve couldn’t remember much of the things in the photographs, he wanted to though. Amnesia was a horrid thing to feel, the blonde did try his best to not let it get to him. He sighed as he sat down on the couch and spread the pictures out on the coffee table. His eyes scanned them carefully.

All he knew really was that he and Bucky were inseparable. They wouldn’t leave without each other when they went to places. Of course, Steve couldn’t remember the things in S.H.I.E.L.D, couldn’t remember going wherever Bucky went unless told otherwise. They had a room together in S.H.I.E.L.D and they would play cards, drink and tell each other stories. It was memories like that, that Steve had to remember. His heart sunk at every photo he admired, wondering how things would be if Bucky was still there. Tears were welling in his eyes, as they always did, he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like for Bucky, not knowing that he was heading into a death trap, to his death.

“Ah!” Steve yelled, clutching his head.

Another memory, another glimpse of his past, it flickered by in pieces. Steve cowered on the couch, watching faces blur in his mind, and voices, most of them Bucky’s.

_“You can’t leave Steve,”_

_“I’m sorry Bucky, I have to,”_

_“What happened to ‘till the end of the line’?”_

_“This is the end of the line Buck,”_

_“Steve!”_

The blonde whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to gasp for oxygen. Anxiety fired up in his body as his hands trembled on his knees, eyes looking frightened.

“Get out of my head!” he yelled, grasping the nearest cushion.

It wasn’t that Steve didn’t want the puzzle pieces to fit back together. He just didn’t want them this way. They passed minutes later, but Steve still lay shaken on the couch, wet patches forming on the cushion from salty tears. Steve would have to schedule some time with Natasha again, her methods always kept him calm for a few days.

“I need to go for a jog,” he whispered.

As he sat up straighter, he heard his phone ring from his bedroom. It was only a short tone, signalling a text message. The blond composed himself, wiping the stray tears from his cheeks. He pondered into the room, sitting down on the edge of his bed as he grabbed the phone. His heart fluttered slightly at the caller ID.

**_“Hi, it’s James, remember, from last night? I hope you’re having a good morning. Should we have dinner on Monday? If you’re not busy that is.” - James_ **

Steve smiled, he’d only met his new neighbour for a brief moment, but seemed keen on him already. The only thing was that he looked somewhat familiar to him, like an older version of Bucky, but maybe he was just going slightly insane. He thought on what to say back to him. Steve had great confidence, but, for some reason James made him a little shy, nervous even.

**_“Are you busy right now? Do you want to come over and have coffee?” - Steve_ **

The reply was sent and Steve couldn’t take it back now. He waited, in the silence, his soft breathing the only audible thing in the room. When the reply came, he really had to do a double take on it. His nerves subsiding only a little.

_**“I don’t want to bother you on your weekend. But, I know you won’t take no for an answer. I’ll be over soon.” - James** _

_How did he know that?_  Steve thought. He shook his head, turning his attention away from his phone.

“Jeez, I better clean myself up,” he huffed.

Steve looked like he’d slept for hours, tossing and turning in bed. His hair was a mess and he looked tatty in his clothes from the previous night. Not to mention his eyes were all bloodshot from crying. He decided to just put on his jogging gear, a grey shirt that hugged his torso more than it should and navy blue sweatpants that hung loose on his hips. Steve didn’t exactly know what it was that drew him to the brunette across the hall. He’d never really intended to introduce himself last night, but felt that he’d pass off as rude. After fixing his hair, he splashed water on his face to cool down a little, drying it off quickly. When he walked into the lounge, he heard a knock at the door. He couldn’t believe time had passed that fast.

“Just a second!” he called.

The blonde scrambled to pick up the photographs of Bucky, slipping them back into the small box, hiding it on the shelf under the coffee table. He got back up off the couch and practically jogged to the door, opening it slowly.

“Hey!” he chimed, smiling widely.

 _Christ Steve you’re an idiot, act yourself_  he thought.

“Mornin’,” Bucky replied, smiling back.

“Come in, come in,” Steve issued, stepping aside. “I was really glad when you contacted me I mean, I didn’t know if you were going to think I was a creep or something and-” he paused, realizing he was rambling. “Shit, sorry,” he mumbled.

Bucky snorted.

“Relax pal,” he soothed.

Steve nodded as he closed the door and wandered into the kitchen.

“So uh, do you take milk in your coffee?” he asked.

“Only a little bit,” Bucky replied.

The brunette was scanning his eyes around the room, taking it all in. Steve was doing well for himself and it seemed that he kept everything in order. Something caught his attention in the corner of his eye. He stepped to the left and saw a photograph on the floor, face down. Steve was far too busy with the coffee to even note the brunette’s actions. Bucky crouched down and picked it up, spinning it around in his fingers. His face paled, heart stuttering as he let out a shaky breath. Steve remembered him. The brunette wanted to give up his cover right there and then, but he’d risk Steve’s life, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Agent Barnes, I trust you had a good night?” Phil’s voice spoke suddenly in his earpiece.

Bucky had forgotten that he had put it on. He placed the photograph in his jacket pocket before standing back up swiftly.

“Agent Barnes?” Phil asked.

“Phil give me a minute!” Bucky hissed.

Steve heard the commotion, raising his head as he quirked an eyebrow up.

“Everything okay James?” he questioned.

Bucky wished he didn’t have to be called that.

“Sorry, my boss is yapping in my ear like a Chihuahua. I’ll be right back,” Bucky mused.

Steve nodded as Bucky walked out to the balcony, fingers up to the earpiece.

“I’m here Director,” he issued.

“Agent Barnes, where are you at this present moment?” Phil asked.

“I got invited over for coffee at Steve’s,” he replied.

“Agent Barnes-” Phil paused.

“You did say go over if I was invited. Look, I haven’t blown my cover yet and Steve seems completely oblivious. I won’t screw this up Director, Steve’s life is as valuable to me as it is to you. I figured this would allow me to look around his apartment, see if I could dig up anything to help out,” Bucky explained.

“I understand. Please don’t fail us Bucky. I’ll let you know now, but Steve goes jogging around this time. If you could manage to go along, whether you be invited or you stay out of sight. Do it. I have a fear that someone may be after Steve just like yesterday,” Phil answered.

“Yes sir,” Bucky replied.

“Great, I’ll check in later on,” Phil mused.

“Sir,” Bucky spoke, after a moment.

“Yes?” he answered.

“Are things ever going to be the same? I mean, is the man I’m staring at right now just some empty shell with no memory, is he gone for good?” Bucky asked, hurt in his tone.

“It’s complicated,” Phil replied.

Bucky sighed.

“Understood,” the brunette mumbled. “Captain is safe for now,” he added.

“That’s the spirit,” Phil mused.

Bucky dropped his fingers from the earpiece, feeling sadness tear through him like a newly sharpened blade. He looked at Steve, seeing nothing different about him. But he knew deep down, that Steve still had some memory of him. It was enough for him to have some sense of hope, some sense of comfort. Steve lifted his head as his gaze fell on Bucky, a small smile growing on his face. Bucky hadn’t really realized he was staring and he looked away, a light blush on his cheeks. He saw Steve wander over with the coffee so he opened the sliding door for him.

“Thanks,” he crooned, holding a mug out to Bucky.

“Thank you,” the brunette hummed.

“So...can I ask what that was about?” Steve queried.

“Just my boss rambling about stuff that isn’t important,” Bucky chuckled.

“Oh? Who do you work for?” the blonde asked.

 _Shit, shit, shit_  Bucky thought.

“A security company. We need to keep things classified though,” he replied.

“I understand man, it’s hard to work in such a secretive business,” Steve mused.

“Yeah, we’re a new level of secretive,” Bucky joked.

“Interesting, but I’ll buy it,” Steve replied.

“Buy it?” Bucky questioned.

“I expected you to be...oh I dunno’ a musician, sports trainer, an author maybe,” the blonde hummed.

“Seriously?” the brunette scoffed.

“Truly,” Steve answered. “Guess I was way off,” he added.

“What about you, what do you do?” Bucky asked, even though he already knew.

“Stark Industries, with Tony Stark,” the blonde muttered.

“That guy with the big ugly-” Bucky paused, hinting the frown on Steve’s face.

“How did you know that?” he questioned.

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“He’s not exactly someone who hides from the public eye,” he issued.

Steve’s face softened.

“I guess so,” Steve replied. “I tried to stay away from the public eye,” he added.

Bucky pretended to be confused.

“Tony and I were an item. Not now though. Cares more about his ego, his reputation. But hey, I’m free I suppose,” Steve explained.

 _What a jerk_  the brunette thought in annoyance.

“So James, tell me more about yourself. And tell me the story of how you got that metal arm, looks interesting,” the blonde mused, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Well...” Bucky started.

He poured his heart out to Steve, in an informative sense, but half of it was full of lies. Bucky hated lying. He was determined to fix this, all of it...he had to fix Steve.

* * *

Bucky left after the coffee at Steve’s, updating Phil on what was happening, even though there wasn’t much to tell. The photograph he picked up was still in his jacket back at his apartment. He was now dressed in his jogging gear, long sleeves hiding the S.H.I.E.L.D logo and his arm. Bucky had lied to Steve about the metal arm, saying it was from a farm accident, Bucky had never stepped foot on a farm in his life. His face was hidden by a cap, his hair blowing freely as he jogged at a steady pace. The brunette was keeping his eye on Steve, deciding on the latter of what Phil had mentioned earlier. Being around Steve was causing him so much emotional pain, he lost it when he got back to his apartment after the morning visit. Jogging seemed to relax him now, he was in work mode, but felt like the biggest creep ever. Steve was a fast runner, and the brunette found it hard to keep up. He did see the blonde jog around a corner moments ago, so he knew he wouldn’t be that far.

“You always were a bit of a fast one Steve,” he whispered.

A sudden weight on his arm made Bucky flinch. He grabbed the wrist of his ‘opponent’ before spinning around, pinning his metal arm to the person’s throat.

“Woah woah! James it’s me!” a familiar voice exclaimed.

Bucky’s eyes widened in horror when he saw Steve staring back at him, fear on his face. He really had to work on his undercover attire more. Because for Steve to notice him in what he had on was embarrassing.

“Shit, Steve I’m sorry,” he apologized, stepping back.

The blonde rubbed his throat a little.

“At least I know not to sneak up on you,” he joked.

Bucky laughed.

“I just-self defence classes, y’know,” he mused.

“Right,” Steve replied. “This is weird, bumping into each other after I just saw you this morning. You aren’t following me are you?” he asked, with a wink.

The brunette shook his head as he looked at Steve who had a glimmer in his eyes and a wide smile on his face. How Bucky missed seeing that every single day when they were in S.H.I.E.L.D.

“No, definitely not,” he lied. “I love jogging,” he added.

“So much that you wrap yourself up in layers?” Steve questioned.

“Just...I don’t like having my arm on show when I jog,” Bucky answered.

“Well, you’ll get pretty warm with long sleeves,” Steve mused.

“I’ll be fine, really,” Bucky chuckled.

“If you say so,” the blonde hummed. “Jog with me?” he asked.

Bucky shrugged slightly as he and Steve started off at a slow pace, jogging by each other’s sides. Steve smiled softly and kept his eyes forward, looking straight ahead, while also stealing a few glances at Bucky a few times. He wasn’t usually one to try and make an effort to talk to a complete stranger again. But something had pushed him towards Bucky, he was a little bit curious, the brunette seemed intriguing, mysterious and Steve fed off that.

“Hey, listen, there’s a gig on at a bar tonight in town. You should come along. I sing and play guitar so y’know, it’d be great to see you there,” he spoke.

“Thanks for the offer. But I have a tonne of work to do,” Bucky replied.

“Oh,” Steve mused. “That’s alright, it was just in case you weren’t busy. But if things change, it starts at 7pm at the Lemurian Star. Best bar in this whole place,” he added.

“I’ll keep that in mind Steve,” the brunette answered.

Steve slowed slightly as they came to a public restroom, a pathway leading up to it.

“Hey uh, I’ll be a minute, you can keep jogging, I can catch up,” he issued.

“It’s okay, I’ll wait,” Bucky replied.

The blonde smiled kindly as he sauntered off to the restroom. Bucky looked out at the scenery before him, taking in the smells and sounds.

“Agent Barnes, status report,” Phil spoke, his usual authoritative tone making Bucky grumble.

“Captain is in safe hands,” he answered.

“Anything else?” Phil questioned.

“He seems a little lost. His eyes look really vacant. Any idea why?” Bucky asked.

Silence. It didn’t sound right to the brunette.

“That’s classified,” Phil mumbled.

“Excuse me? I thought I would be given everything on Steve!” he hissed.

“Might I remind you that you’re only a level seven agent and the information you want is for level eight or higher,” Phil explained.

Bucky scoffed.

“Talk about confidentiality,” he laughed.

“It’s for your own good!” the other man yelled.

“Oh now you’ve really got me curious, sir,” Bucky retorted sarcastically.

“Agent Barnes, get back to work. Deliver a full status report at 7pm, tonight,” Phil ordered.

Bucky simply grumbled as he moved his fingers away from his earpiece and folded his arms over his chest. He always hated having to be a certain level in S.H.I.E.L.D in order to get information. His eyes scanned the park, it was quiet, he figured not many would be out at this time. As he turned back to look at the way Steve had gone, a woman caught his eyes, she looked suspicious. There was an uneasy feeling in his stomach as he pulled his gun which was hidden in his jacket. The brunette slowly walked up, gun held close to him.

“Where do you think you’re going ma’am?” he questioned.

The blonde haired woman flinched as she turned and stared directly at Bucky. She had a sharp, silver knife in her hand, Bucky expected a gun like the man who he encountered first.

“Don’t come any closer,” she spoke.

“Who do you work for?” Bucky asked.

“I can’t say,” she replied.

He raised his gun then, flicking the safety off.

“I’ll ask you again...who do you work for?” he hissed.

The woman gripped the knife tighter.

“Someone you don’t want to get involved with, Agent,” she spat.

“Tell me now or I’ll shoot your leg so I can have you easily arrested!” Bucky yelled.

“Cut off one head, two more shall take its place,” she replied, bringing the knife up.

“No!” Bucky exclaimed.

Her screams echoed through the park as she dug the knife into her chest. Blood dripped to the ground as she twisted it, body going limp. Bucky caught her before she fell, his heart racing in his chest.

“Oh my god,” a voice gasped.

Bucky looked up to see Steve, his eyes widened.

“What happened!” he yelled.

“She just killed herself, I don’t know why!” Bucky roared.

“Oh god,” Steve whispered, running his hands through his hair.

“Steve, I think you should go home. I’ll take care of this,” the brunette answered.

“Wait, what?” Steve questioned.

“The company I work for, deals with strange things like these, it’s not normal. Just go,” Bucky ordered, putting his fingers to his ear. “Sir, we’ve got another one, a woman,” he spoke. “No, she’s dead sir,” he continued. “Yes sir,” he added.

Steve stood there stunned.

“Go!” Bucky exclaimed.

The blonde snapped out of his trance as he made his way by Bucky, and began to job back to his Harley which sat in the car park. He couldn’t believe what he saw, he was shocked. Steve was also getting growing suspicions about Bucky now. There was something he was hiding, something strange. No one would call on someone else to assist with a body and not call the police or something. Steve grabbed his jacket off his Harley as he shrugged it on and straddled the seat. The blonde was just about to take off when he saw three black SUV’s pull up a few metres away from him. Several men and a woman stepped out and Steve raised an eyebrow curiously, the woman seemed familiar. A symbol on the side of the car made his curiosity grow as he pulled out his phone. Steve snapped a quick picture as he stared at it, it was like he knew it, like he’d seen it before. He also couldn’t help but think that he had seen the oldest of the men before, he was familiar like the woman. But it all fuzzed in his mind when he tried to think.

“I should get out of here,” he muttered.

The blonde revved the engine of the Harley as he pulled out of the parking space. He couldn’t see his new neighbour from where he was, but was really hoping he would be alright. Steve drove out onto the road, speeding down the street, his leather jacket whipping out behind him. As he sped by the park, the brunette was stood yelling at the older man. Steve shook his head as he put his attention back on the road. He couldn’t quite grasp what was happening, he couldn’t think straight. The symbol from the SUV’s flashed in his mind, over and over again. It was like he had been there before, like he had seen it with his own eyes, it was an organization of some sort. The blonde had to pull over as he gripped the handles tightly, his breathing ragged. A bold ‘S’ whirled in his mind, then an ‘H’ before it stopped on an ‘I’, fading quickly. Steve gasped as he regained his composure and wrote the three letters down, they could be helpful later.

“What the hell was that thing?” he whispered shakily.

* * *

Cemeteries were Steve’s least favourite place. If he was told to go journey through a sewer, he most likely would. So long as he didn’t have to step foot in a cemetery. But he had no other choice this time, Natasha told him he needed closure, told him that he had to face the music again. It had been a while and he knew the flowers at Bucky’s grave would be wilted. He knew Bucky was never a flower person, but would always keep a certain type beside his bed back in the day. It was just one of those things that managed to stay in Steve’s head about Bucky. They were a stunning bouquet of fire lilies, which had an orange colour to them. The flower signified friendship and devotion, the meaning being relevant to Bucky. Steve owed his life to Bucky, it was just a shame their journey had to be cut short. He was near trembling as he turned down the final corner to the cemetery. Steve, as usual, wasn’t looking where he was going. He collided with someone, his hand flying out to steady whoever it was. His gaze fell on a familiar face and he frowned slightly.

“James,” he spoke.

“Steve? Shit man, I’m sorry I didn’t see you,” Bucky replied.

“Right,” the blonde mused, tilting his head a little.

There was something very odd now about bumping into him not once, but twice in the one day, with only a few hours between both meetings. Steve for one, was confused now, but his suspicion heightened once more. How could it be possible? Was it just by chance?

“This is really strange, seeing you for the third time. How does that work?” the blonde asked.

“Fate?” Bucky answered, before cringing. “Sorry,” he added.

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners. Bucky’s eyes fell on the flowers, his brow creasing. Fire lilies, that seemed all too familiar.

“Who’s the lucky lady?” he questioned.

“No woman, just an old friend,” Steve mused.

Bucky nodded.

“Listen, I may be asking a bit much, but I...do like your company,” Steve spoke. “But could you come with me? My therapist suggested I go myself but I’m afraid of turning back and leaving,” he continued.

The brunette’s heart sank at the mentioning of therapy, he hadn’t realized Steve’s amnesia was that bad, that he needed extra help. It broke his damn heart. He wanted to leave, wanted to make an excuse. But of course, he had a job, protect Steve, he couldn’t bail, he may as well stand by him, just in case. His only problem that was he was caught, yet again, it made him feel like a terrible agent.

“James?” Steve spoke, looking at him intently.

“Sure, sorry. I’d love to accompany you,” he issued.

Steve nodded as he started to walk again, Bucky following close beside him.

“Those flowers are really beautiful,” he commented.

“Yeah,” Steve replied. “The person they are for loved them,” he added.

“Loved them?” Bucky queried, raising an eyebrow.

Steve just looked over at Bucky with a sad smile as they turned into the cemetery. Bucky’s heart sunk to his stomach immediately, he couldn’t even think of who Steve might be visiting.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” the blonde responded.

They sauntered down a pathway that twisted like a snake slithering through the grass. Trees lined the path, bright red flowers blooming in between the leaves. Bucky admired it all, hands rested in his pockets. He was dragging along behind Steve now, but the blonde kept at a steady pace. A clearing began to show and Bucky looked up as he saw a gravestone placed under a tree that was simply remarkable.

“Wow,” he whispered.

Steve began to make his way up to the grave as Bucky still admired the tree. Behind it, the park and lake could be seen from a distance. It was a lovely resting place, calm and quiet, whoever it was Steve was visiting must have been important. The brunette made his way up the hill as Steve kicked the dead flowers away and replaced them with the new ones. When he stepped aside, Bucky could see the name of the deceased. He paled, breath catching in his throat, gut churning uneasily. His name was there, he had to do a double take, but it was definitely his.

_Here lies Bucky._   
_A loved friend, son and worker._   
_July 12th 1988 - December 8th 2011._

“Oh god,” he choked out, covering his mouth with his hand.

How could they have done this to Steve? Anger shredded through his blood stream, but he held himself back. He was livid, at Phil, at the others who would have known. Any other excuse would have done to keep Steve away from Bucky, but not this, not a fake death.

“He was my best friend, but I remember little about him because of an accident I had. I have temporary amnesia now,” Steve spoke softly.

 _I know this_  Bucky thought.

“Bucky was a very special person and I miss him so much,” the blonde whispered.

Bucky heard the choked sob leave his lips, shoulders trembling. He was so angry that they had put Steve through this.

“I j-just wish I could have-” Steve paused, hands shaking.

The visit was taking its toil on him already.

“I wish I could have seen him one last time,” he sobbed.

Steve’s eyes flooded with tears as he fell on his knees, hands resting on the grass. He hung his head as he cried, taking in sharp breaths of air. His emotions were uncontrollable now, he trembled violently, it was a horrible sight to see, and a horrible sound to hear. Bucky stood motionless, trying to take it all in. Only then did he reach down and rest his hand on Steve’s shoulder, holding back his own tears of anguish and hurt. Steve’s hand came up and rested on Bucky’s, who could only feel the weight on it, because it was his metal hand.

“He would be proud of what you are now Steve,” he mused.

Steve shook his head.

“No, he’d hate what I’ve become,” he choked out.

“No Steve, he’d be proud,” Bucky replied, squeezing his shoulder.

The blonde said nothing as he tried to calm himself down, taking in deep breaths.

“He shouldn’t have died so horribly,” he whispered.

“How did he?” Bucky asked hesitantly.

“He fell,” Steve whimpered, clutching the material of his jeans. “A woman, Maria, she came to my door, told me Bucky was killed on a mission or something, told me they couldn’t retrieve his body,” he added. “I cried in the doorway of my apartment, I cried for days. Then I had my accident and I can’t remember where Maria was from, what I used to be, I just know there’s something and I want to remember dammit,” he wept.

Bucky remained silent as he thought back to that day. He survived that fall, how could they make up such a lie like that?

_“Steady Agent Barnes,” Phil ordered._

_It was December 8th and Bucky was on a mission with several other agents to infiltrate a base in Finland for an organization that planned to attack several states in the United States. They were all quick on their feet, but they had one obstacle to cross, a narrow frosted shelf of ice. Four out of the six agents made it, Bucky was the sixth to cross it. He was only halfway across when the ice cracked._

_“Sir, this ice isn’t stable,” he warned._

_“Keep going Agent Barnes, you’re doing great,” Phil replied._

_The brunette took a deep breath, taking another steady step. Ice cracked and gave way, and Bucky grasped a piece of ice above him, gloves keeping him from slipping. He was a heavy person, and he didn’t know how long that ice would hold. Fear swelled inside him at that point, he could die here, he wouldn’t see Steve again._

_“Steve...” he whispered._

_“Agent Barnes!” an agent yelled._

**_*Crack!*_ **

_Bucky’s head snapped to the ice he held onto, watching it pull away. It broke apart...Bucky fell. His scream echoed up the cliff, the other agents getting into a panic. Somehow, by pure luck, by chance, Bucky survived the fall, but blacked out immediately. Days later he woke up, feeling an unusual weight on his left arm. When he lifted the arm, all he saw was shining metal with red lights dotted on it, from his shoulder to his fingers. The scream he let out was horrendous, full of anger and fear. He’d knocked down several S.H.I.E.L.D doctors before he was sedated again. For weeks he stayed in his room at S.H.I.E.L.D, all he had was Steve before he left. Even now, that looked like a lost cause._

“I’m so sorry Steve,” he whispered.

He hadn’t realized he had been crying also, Steve still knelt before the gravestone. Yet he was silent now, he was resting his chin on his hands, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“I would give anything to have him back,” he sighed, shakily.

“I’m sure Bucky would do the same,” the brunette replied.

Steve laughed.

“He would have, or he would tell me to stop being such a punk,” the blonde chuckled, smiling briefly.

 _I probably would_  Bucky thought.

“He meant that much?” Bucky asked.

“So much, he meant the world,” Steve whispered. “Literally so much I’d sacrifice my life for him to still be alive,” he added.

Bucky’s heart sunk yet skipped a beat at the same time. He didn’t know that at all, not even in their S.H.I.E.L.D days. Steve tended to be quite reserved. It was like he was harvesting something to himself now.

“I wish I could remember more about him,” the blonde mumbled, wiping stray tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see me like this,” he mused.

“Don’t blame yourself. What are neighbours for?” Bucky answered.

Steve smiled.

“Thank you,” he crooned, standing up.

Bucky felt himself being pulled into Steve’s arms, their bodies squished together. The brunette’s eyes were wide as he stood motionless. He remembered this feeling all too much, the hugs he and Steve used to share. Hell, if Bucky went on a mission and came back in one piece, Steve wouldn’t let go for hours. They were both so dependent on each other then, now, well, how could they now if Bucky was apparently dead? Bucky put his arms around Steve after the initial shock, patting Steve’s back. What he didn’t expect was for the blonde to break down again in his arms. What if this is all he needed? A hug, some security, closure. Steve was so broken it hurt, it all hurt.

* * *

Night drew in at a quick speed, time flew by, it was time for Brooklyn to thrive. It was the weekend after all, it was party time. Although, not for some, especially not for Bucky. He was working, unfortunately. His bed was scattered with documents and files from the two targets who had been after Steve. The brunette still couldn’t grasp on what the woman meant by ‘cut off one head, two more shall take its place’. Bucky was just as confused as everybody else was. His mind was on overload, part of it work, the other part about Steve. He’d lied to Steve, he’d found out he was ‘dead’, and he was stuck in his apartment on a Saturday night doing work. Bucky really wanted to go to the Lemurian Star and see this gig Steve was talking about. He hadn’t heard Steve sing in years. The last time he heard him sing was a few weeks before he quit S.H.I.E.L.D. He sang one of Bucky’s favourite songs ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ by Poison. The brunette would remember that moment forever, the way Steve’s fingers worked the strings of the guitar, the way his voice sounded so soft and in tune. He missed it so much and he was kicking himself right now for saying no to Steve.

“Oh to hell with this!” he exclaimed, looking at the clock.

It was 7:10pm, Steve had said it started at 7pm, so he was missing some already. But Bucky thought that wouldn’t really matter, as long as he went to it.

“Let’s do this,” he spoke, to himself.

The brunette rushed into his bathroom and pulled his hair back into a ponytail, before going to his bedroom and grabbing his favourite black shirt and leather jacket. He kept his jeans on, half of them covered by his combat boots, he did really look the part. As he went to grab his wallet and key card, he passed his earpiece that was sitting by the TV. He frowned, before waving it off and exiting his apartment.

“This is my weekend, I won’t have it wasted by Phil barking in my ear,” he huffed.

With a spring in his stride, he dashed down to the elevator and rode it down to the lobby floor. The lobby was quiet, with only one person sitting at her laptop. Bucky paid her no mind, he was focused on his main goal, Steve and a break from work. God what the hell am I doing! he thought. I look like a fucking fairy prancing off to a fairy parade he scolded. But it made him laugh at the same time. As he stepped out into the cool night, he tried to think of what street to take to get to this bar, he hadn’t heard of it and it had been a while since he had been in Brooklyn.

“Dammit, fuck, говно, сукин сын,”  _shit, son of a bitch_  he cursed, his Russian roots slipping through.

Bucky frowned.

“I need to stop doing that,” he grumbled.

A loud laugh caught his attention, his gaze falling on two men. Both were tall, one maybe a little shorter. One was a warm chocolatey shade like his tired battle worn eyes, with black hair and a gleaming white smile, a bit of a neatly trimmed goatee surrounding it. The other was somewhat tanned, with silky blonde hair and bright blue eyes, scruffy blonde hairs adorning his cheeks and around his mouth, not to mention he was built like a statue of a Norse god or something similar. They looked friendly enough to Bucky, so he approached them with a kind smile.

“Excuse me, you fellas wouldn’t happen to know where the Lemurian Star is would you?” he asked, smiling softly.

“You sound like you should know your way around man,” the first man spoke.

“Sam, be nice to the man,” the other lectured.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at his sort of regal accent, it was weird to decipher.

“Yeah, funny story, I haven’t been out in a while. Who I work for, we’re kind of private, I was inside a headquarters for years,” he mused.

“Man, you’ve missed out on a lot then,” Sam replied. “The Lemurian Star is the newest bar here, a year old,” he added.

“We were just going there, would you like to join us?” the blonde questioned.

Bucky shrugged.

“Lead the way,” he chimed.

“My name is Thor by the way, Thor Odinson,” the blonde issued, holding out his hand.

“Cool name, I’m James Barnes,” Bucky mused, grabbing Thor’s hand and shaking it.

“And I’m Sam Wilson,” the other interjected.

“Nice to meet you both,” Bucky replied.

“Let’s go then,” Thor spoke, smiling widely.

Bucky nodded as he stood between the two, a sense of comfort settling in, he loved it when he met friendly people.

“So what you brings you out into the streets of Brooklyn, James?” Sam asked, seeming interested in a good story.

“Well, I can’t say much. But, I’m sort of in a secret business that keeps close watch on citizens,” Bucky replied.

“So you’re kind of like a superhero?” Sam joked.

Bucky laughed.

“Not quite,” he mused. “We’re very top secret. So I can’t say much else, just that protection is what we do best,” he added.

“I understand man, Thor and I work as fire-fighters, protecting the people is what we like to do,” Sam explained.

“Wow, good on you guys, that’s great,” Bucky chimed.

“When lives are at stake you must risk your own, just as long as everybody else is alright,” Thor interjected.

Bucky nodded understandably.

“Do you guys go to the Lemurian Star much?” he asked.

“Usually only when our friend Steve plays a gig there,” Sam replied.

“Oh,” Bucky gasped, slightly.

 _So they are friends with Steve? Great_  he thought. The brunette had already met Loki, now he was meeting two more. He should have known, he should have remembered the files.

“You’ll love him, he’s a great guy,” Sam chuckled.

“A fine man,” Thor boomed.

“We’ve met already,” Bucky mumbled.

“No kidding! How did that happen?” Sam questioned.

“He lives across the hall from me,” the brunette answered.

“Shit man, lucky you,” Sam laughed.

Bucky shrugged.

“He’s an alright neighbour,” he teased.

“Get to know him more and you’ll see what a gentle and kind man he is,” Thor issued.

“I’ll try that,” Bucky chuckled, even though he knew how great Steve was.

Sam and Thor stopped in their tracks as Bucky looked across the street. There it was, the Lemurian Star, looking brand spanking new with a neon sign saying ‘Happy Hour from 7pm-8pm’.

“Holy crap, we better grab cheap drinks before we miss it!” Sam exclaimed.

Thor laughed as his friend jogged off, leaving Bucky and himself standing on the footpath.

“Are you coming James?” he asked, glancing at the awestruck brunette.

“Huh? Oh, yeah sorry,” Bucky muttered, cringing slightly.

“Not to worry my friend!” Thor yelled, clapping his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “We shall have a whale of a time,” he added.

The brunette smiled softly as he and Thor made their way across the street, walking into the bar. It was a great looking place, simple and not over the top. The crowd was average, not as busy as Bucky had expected, but it was still early. Sam was already at the bar, three pints glasses of beer sitting in front of him. Thor grinned and sauntered over, while Bucky still stood admiring the bar. He really had missed out on a lot.

“Thank you for coming out tonight everybody!” a voice chimed.

Bucky’s attention fell on the stage where he saw Steve standing, guitar in hand and a soft smile on his face. He was looking pretty amazing in a black button up and jeans, his hair a bit messy but still neat. Bucky couldn’t help but stare, he always thought Steve looked fantastic, but there was just something about how he looked tonight. Music filled the air as Steve started to dive into an intro with his electric guitar. Bucky slowly made his way to the bar, eyes on Steve as he weaved through people, he knew that song. Steve would make eye contact with the crowd from time to time. But he didn’t expect to look up and see Bucky, the lights from the stage bouncing off his face, making his eyes shine. The brunette grinned, looking away as he stopped at the bar, Steve’s heart skipped a beat.

“Ah I love this song!” Thor exclaimed.

“Kickstart My Heart by Motley Crue,” Bucky mused.

“You like them?” the blonde asked.

“Huge fan,” Bucky chuckled, picking up his beer.

“Yeah and it seems Steve’s a big fan of you,” Sam interjected.

“What do you mean?” Bucky questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“He was totally checking you out!” Sam laughed.

“Sam,” Thor scolded.

“Hey, I’m only stating the truth,” Sam scoffed.

“Doubt I’m his type,” Bucky issued, sipping his beer.

 _Fucking hell why did I say that!_  he thought angrily.

“I think you’re definitely his type,” Sam replied, with a sly wink.

Thor chuckled at the blush that spread on Bucky’s face, who took a big sip of his beer now. He felt embarrassed for opening his big fat mouth.

“Always got the cops. Coming after me. Custom built bike doing 103. My heart, my heart. Kickstart my heart,” Steve sang, pondering about the stage.

Bucky missed that singing voice, feeling content that he could hear it again. Steve looked like he had such a great time up on stage. He looked at him intently, Sam and Thor’s voices droning out as he focused on Steve. The blonde worked his fingers on the strings as the guitar solo came up, he had improved a bit since last time Bucky saw him. Their eyes met again and Steve smiled the time, blue eyes glistening in the dim light. Bucky felt an overwhelming feeling as he looked away, turning his attention back on his beer.

“James, you okay man?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, sorry, just busy day at work,” Bucky lied.

“Time to unwind James, forget the stress,” Thor boasted.

Bucky nodded as he lent against the bar, back arched slightly as he tapped a metal finger on the glass.

“How’d that happen?” Sam questioned, eyeing the metal.

“Farm accident. Got my arm crushed, so I ended up with this baby,” the brunette replied.

“It doesn’t bother you?” Sam asked.

“Spasms on me sometimes. Other than that, I’m used to it,” he mused.

“You guys aren’t harassing him are you?” a cheery voice chimed.

Steve had sauntered up to the bar, leaving the guitar up on stge as music from the speakers played.

“You didn’t sing for long,” Bucky commented.

The blonde smirked.

“I wanted a cheap drink first,” he chuckled.

“Let me get it,” Bucky replied.

“No it’s okay,” Steve soothed.

“Seriously Steve, shut up,” Bucky laughed.

Steve smirked as Bucky turned to order his drink. He couldn’t get rid of the thought of the brunette because he had his hair tied back, he looked so alike to his old friend.

“Steve?” Bucky spoke.

“Hmm?” he replied.

“What’s wrong?” the brunette questioned.

“Oh, you-” Steve paused. “You look a little like Bucky right now,” he added.

“Because of my hair?” Bucky asked. “Bucky had short hair huh?” he added.

Steve nodded.

“Shit sorry,” Bucky whispered, pulling the band from his hair.

“Hey, hey,” Steve protested, grabbing Bucky’s hand.

Bucky flinched slightly, metal hand clamping around Steve’s wrist.

“Sorry,” the blonde mused.

“No, it’s fine, self defence classes remember, I get a little jumpy all the time,” Bucky laughed.

Steve nodded as he grabbed the band and tied Bucky’s hair up again.

“Leave it,” he issued.

“Alright lovebirds enough of that,” Sam interjected.

“Sam!” Steve exclaimed.

Sam burst out laughing, as well as Thor who found it completely amusing. Steve and Bucky simply shared awkward glances, two cold pints of beer appearing beside Bucky. The brunette grabbed one, handing it to Steve. The other was for when he finished his, which he was swallowing down like it was the last drink on Earth.

“I liked your singing up on stage. You have a great voice,” Bucky spoke.

“Oh,” Steve replied, going a little rosy. “Thanks,” he added. “I’m really glad you came along,” he mused.

“Honestly, I did have a pile of work back at my apartment, but thought ‘fuck it’ it’s my weekend, I’ll do what I want,” Bucky boasted.

“Naughty,” Steve crooned, wagging his finger as he grinned.

Bucky chuckled, nervously biting his lip, his tongue gliding along the bottom half. He could see Steve’s blue eyes glistening in the light again, long eyelashes framing them perfectly. The brunette remembered those eyes, all too well. All of this was becoming too familiar for him and he knew he had to tone it down a bit, he wasn’t allowed to get into anything that could cause problems.

“So, you met my two idiot friends. Were they asking for money? Damn hookers these days,” Steve joked.

“Watch your mouth or I’ll slap it off your pretty little face,” Sam threatened.

It was Bucky’s turn to laugh as he buckled against the bar, setting his beer down. Steve was laughing at the brunette also, taking a swig of his beer, the froth settling on his upper lip. Bucky’s howls of laughter grew louder as he pointed at Steve, slapping his hand on the wooden surface of the bar. Sam was in hysterics and had fallen back against Thor, face scrunched up as the laughter ripped through him. Steve was dumbfounded.

“What!” he exclaimed. “Is there something on my face?” he asked.

“Just a little frothy at the mouth, my friend,” Thor chuckled.

“God dammit,” Steve grumbled.

He swiped his lip with his thumb before taking the froth off his thumb with a quick lap of his tongue.

“Much better,” he hummed.

Bucky blanched.

“Woah James, you alright there man?” Sam questioned, steadying himself in his seat.

“Yeah, sorry just felt a little queasy,” Bucky replied.

“Take your jacket off it’s a bit warm in here and you might need something to eat, have you had dinner?” Steve asked.

Bucky shook his head.

“Thor, order him up some food huh?” Steve queried.

Thor nodded kindly.

“Thanks Steve,” Bucky sighed.

He knew damn well he wasn’t just warm, or hungry, it was obviously Steve.  _Him and his stupid tongue. You’re doing a great job of keeping it together Buck_  he thought sarcastically.

“Listen, I’m going to head back up on stage and play. Is there a song you want me to play? Anything?” the blonde questioned, hand resting comfortingly on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky thought for a moment, he didn’t want to say his favourite song. But dammit he wanted to hear Steve sing it again, just once.

“How good are you at Every Rose Has Its Thorn?” he asked, glancing at Steve, who didn’t even bat an eyelash at the song title.

“Pretty good,” Steve answered, smiling softly. “I can sing that for you,” he added.

“I’d like that,” Bucky replied.

The blonde nodded, giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze as he sauntered off. Bucky watched him, watched the way his hips had a little sway in them. This was harder than he thought, being secretive, acting like Steve was some stranger. He was starting to have doubts on whether he could do this. Steve swung the guitar strap over his neck and moved over to the microphone casually.

“Hi everyone, I’m back again. Let’s kick this off again huh?” Steve asked. “This song is for a friend of mine in the audience, James Barnes, enjoy,” he added, beginning to play.

_A friend..._

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat.

_But I guess that’s why they say. Every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song. Every rose has its thorn._

* * *

_The group stayed out for longer than they had planned. Once Steve’s gig was finished, Sam, Bucky, Thor and Steve decided to do shots and down a few more beers. Sam and Thor parted ways with Bucky and Steve at a crossing, Sam barely awake as Thor helped his friend down the street. Steve’s arm had been thrown around Bucky’s shoulder as they stumbled up to their apartment block. They broke out into song together, free arms flailing about before they were left cackling like witches. When they had parted to go to their separate apartments, Steve hugged Bucky tightly._

_“Thank you for coming tonight. It was great,” Steve mumbled into Bucky’s shoulder. “It really took my mind off what today was,” he added._

_Bucky hugged the blonde tighter._

_“He would be so happy for you Steve, and so proud,” Bucky mused._

_“I hope so,” Steve slurred, sniffling slightly._

_Tears ran down his face as he clutched Bucky’s jacket firmly._

_“I miss him so much,” he whispered weakily._

Now, Bucky sat on his balcony, nursing a mug of coffee in his hand. He woke up with a throbbing headache and aching muscles, but that passed shortly after. His memory was still clear on what had happened last night. The brunette remembered how warm and content he felt being in Steve’s arms. He missed the talks they used to have, the stupid arguments, the hugs, everything. Their friendship was like two strong vines entwined together, never to let go.

_“Because I’m with you till the end of the line,”_

_“I’ll always be here,”_

_“I’m proud of you,”_

Bucky hadn’t noticed he had begun crying, yet again until he felt something dripping onto his hand. He used to be so strong. What was it about Steve that drove him so insane and crippled him? He wiped away the glistening droplets as he took another sip from his coffee, enjoying the bitter taste.

“If only you knew,” he sighed.

A door creaked, pulling Bucky’s attention away from his sombre thoughts. It was his front door and he clearly remembered closing it last night. His gun sat under a newspaper on the small table, he carefully grabbed it as he sat his coffee down. The brunette stood quietly, gun held tightly in his hands as he made his way to the sliding balcony door. He heard movement inside, heart racing in his chest. The door slammed and Bucky flinched as he peered inside. When he stepped inside, he saw nothing, so he turned back to look behind him. Someone cleared their throat and the brunette spun around at lightning speed, gun ready to fire.

“Stand down Agent Barnes,” a voice spoke.

“Phil!” Bucky exclaimed, dropping his gun immediately. “Couldn’t you have knocked!” he added.

“I prefer to make a grand entrance,” Phil replied.

Bucky groaned as he ran his hand through his hair, the headache starting to come back.

“Why wasn’t I able to contact you last night?” Phil asked.

“I was busy,” Bucky answered.

Phil flipped through pages of files that sat on Bucky’s table.

“Obviously not with this,” he issued.

“It’s a weekend Phil, I had to go do something fun,” Bucky hissed.

“We don’t do fun Agent Barnes! We have no time for fun!” Phil snapped. “This is important business!” he exclaimed.

“If it’s any consolation I was watching over Steve at the time, seeing as he’s the main objective,” the brunette mumbled.

“Yes, I’m sure getting drunk as a skunk made you very focused,” Phil grumbled.

“I was-” Bucky paused.

“Don’t,” Phil huffed. “What were you thinking Barnes! You have the earpieces for a reason! This is only going to get harder when we find out who is after Steve!” he spat.

“Harder? I’ve been through tough situations already!” Bucky yelled.

“Nothing is as serious as this!” Phil hollered.

“What about Tahiti! Remember that, sir!” Bucky roared.

Phil paled.

“It’s a magical place,” he whispered.

“For you!” Bucky snapped. “Tahiti was magical for you!” he added.

“Agent Barnes,” Phil spoke.

“No just shut up for a minute!” Bucky yelled, pointing a metal finger at the older man.

Phil was a little taken aback, fear and guilt washing over his face.

“While you were indulging on fucking Pina Coladas and eating tropical fruits, I was trapped with my team in a cave that was about to collapse!” Bucky ranted, eyes burning with rage.

“I-” Phil paused.

“You said you couldn’t reach us, maybe that’s because your earpiece wasn’t on you! I called for your help! We all did! You yell at me for not having mine! You’re such a fucking hypocrite!” the brunette spat.

“Bucky...”Phil sighed.

“Don’t! We-I lost three excellent agents that day. They were my family when I had nobody else. They were crushed under rubble and didn’t even have time to scream. Don’t you dare say this will be hard, because Tahiti was hard,” Bucky choked out.

Salty tears welled in his eyes, Bucky always had nightmares of that day, he couldn’t shake it.

“Agent Barnes, I understand your frustration,” Phil soothed.

“Do you! Do you really? Because you’re making me stalk my best friend, you’re making me act like a stranger to him. What difference would it make!” the brunette cried.

“It’s complicated!” Phil yelled.

“No it’s not!” Bucky screamed, veins popping up on his neck. “I know what you did, I understand why now, why I have to pretend,” he whispered, shaking his head. “You told Steve...” Bucky gasped, shaking slightly. “You told him I was dead. How could you do that? Why?” he questioned.

“It was for the best,” Phil sighed.

“Any other excuse would have been better than that!” Bucky snapped. “How could you put him through so much pain!” he continued, stepping forward.

“It was better to keep you two separated, so you wouldn’t get distracted,” Phil replied.

“Distracted? What the hell Phil!” Bucky yelled.

“Oh please Barnes, you don’t think I saw those glances you stole from each other? Your inseparable bond? The time you spent together just the two of you?” he asked, brows knitting together.

Bucky stared in disbelief, in confusion, he was lost.

“It was nothing like that,” he whispered. “We were best friends and I adored him. Don’t try and steer this somewhere else Coulson. I can’t believe you let that be implanted in Steve’s mind. And I can’t believe you had Maria in on it too,” he spoke, wiping away tears.

“That was her choice,” Phil murmured.

“Sure it was,” Bucky scoffed.

Phil cracked, jaw clenching slightly as he looked away.

“Show some sympathy sometime, you don’t know what it’s like,” Bucky continued.

The slam of a fist on the wall made him jump, eyes wide. Phil stared at him, chest heaving.

“Of course I know what it’s like to feel hurt!” he yelled. “I had an agent betray my trust. An agent who I thought was a very dear friend. But he lied and I don’t know where he is now! If I did, I’d punch him in the face! You should know we only really make friends with those in S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve left and we couldn’t risk you two crossing paths again!” Phil continued, stepping towards Bucky. “And if you ever speak to me like that again. I will fire you. Do you understand?” he added, eyes burning into Bucky’s skull.

The brunette stood down, bowing his head a little.

“Understood, Director,” he replied.

Phil nodded firmly, before pulling something out of his pocket. Bucky’s eyes fell on a set of silver dog tags, his dog tags.

“Sir,” he gasped.

“Don’t say I lack sympathy. I went back to Finland and retrieved these for you. I know how much they mean to you,” Phil issued, placing them in the brunette’s hand.

“Thank you sir,” Bucky wavered, metal fingers running over his engraving and Steve’s which had ‘Till the end of the line’ on it.

“I expect these files sorted and back to me in nine hours. Can you do that?” Phil asked.

“Yes Director,” Bucky answered.

With that, Phil exited from Bucky’s apartment, closing the door gently behind him. Bucky looked down at the dog tags as he wandered back out to the balcony, just as the sun was rising fully. He stared out at the horizon, eyes hurting from the tears, a couple still trapped in the corners of his eyes. A smile crossed his face as he held the tags up, watching them glint in the sun. He could do this. The very core inside him ignited like a roaring fire, his worry replaced by hope, by confidence.

“Till the end of the line, punk,” he whispered.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to think Phil's probably been secretly shipping Steve and Bucky this whole time. Hope you enjoy. And if the description of Sam sounds strange to you, blame my friend, I asked her for advice, and she wrote that...so...yes blame her.


	4. Chapter Three - Uncovered And Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Silence is the enemy. Against your urgency. So rally up the demons of your soul." - Know Your Enemy - Green Day

Monday, the day Steve enjoyed so much. And he was going to enjoy it much more, seeing as tonight Bucky would be going to his for dinner. The past few days were a bit of a rollercoaster for Steve. Bucky seemed to pop up now and again, in the exact same places that he was. It surely couldn’t have been a coincidence, it was starting to make the blonde panic. Was Bucky dangerous? Or was he just over thinking things? Steve was on his way to see Natasha, coffees in hand, when he bumped into the last person he expected to see out on a Monday.

“Steve?” Tony spoke.

_God dammit_  he thought.

“Tony,” he replied. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” he asked.

“Coffee run,” the brunette answered.

“You never do coffee runs,” Steve retorted.

Tony shrugged.

“I am today, is that a problem?” he questioned.

“No...no, I was just curious,” the blonde mused.

An awkward silence fell over them and Steve rolled his eyes, looking away from Tony. He didn’t want any of this to be awkward, that’s the last thing he needed when he was still working at Stark Industries. Tony could see the nervous twitch in Steve’s hand and he smirked.

“How have you been coping?” he spoke.

_Of all the questions_  Steve thought.

“Fine, good actually...” he issued.

“Met anyone new?” Tony asked, pursing his lips.

“I might have,” Steve replied, regretting it later.

Who the hell was he supposed to say he was seeing?

“Oh? Does he have a name?” the brunette hummed, sounding a little too disappointed.

“James, his name is James Barnes,” the blonde muttered.

_God dammit Steve!_  he thought, mentally slapping himself.

“James huh? Where’d you meet him?” Tony queried.

“He moved in across the hall from me a few weeks ago, when we were still together, instant friends I guess,” Steve lied, it’d only been a couple of days.

“So...are you two?” Tony continued, raising an eyebrow.

_Don’t say it_  Steve he told himself.

“Yes, we’re dating,” he blurted out.

_Fuck!_  he screamed in his head.

Tony nodded.

“I see,” he issued. “Well, good for you Steve. I’ll need to meet him sometime,” he added.

“Yeah, maybe,” Steve answered.

The brunette smirked again.

“I better get this coffee, see you around Stevie,” he hummed, hand brushing the blonde’s arm on the way by.

Steve watched him leave, as he let out a relieved sigh and started walking again. Natasha had an office in Manhattan and one in Brooklyn, she was in Manhattan today so Steve had to make the journey out there. He wandered through the doors, being greeted by Natasha’s assistant as he signed in, before sitting down. Steve could hear Natasha’s soothing voice in the other room, she was one of the best therapists in Manhattan, she was a popular choice for help. After what felt like minutes, the door opened and a young woman stepped out, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Same time next week Anna? Remember, read a nice book before bed, have a warm drink and you should sleep fine, your nightmares will pass,” Natasha spoke.

“Thank you Natasha,” Anna choked out, going to the reception desk to pay.

Natasha didn’t charge her patients much to be seen, that’s another reason why so many went to her. Her mossy green eyes fell on Steve as she smiled.

“Hey honey, come on in,” she crooned, motioning Steve over.

The blonde stood up and made his way over to Natasha, handing her the coffee.

“Oh, you’re such a sweetie,” she hummed, squeezing Steve on the arm.

They entered the room as Natasha wandered to her desk and lent against it.

“So, why do I get this visit?” she asked.

“Well,” Steve paused, sighing deeply. “Things are getting crazy again Natasha and I can’t hold it back,” he added.

Natasha’s features changed to that of concern.

“Sit down, relax and then start from the beginning,” she soothed, placing her coffee down as she grabbed some paper and a pen.

“All my flashbacks of Bucky are happening frequently now. Then, the guy James, he moved in across the hall from me a few days ago. He’s really strange, but really nice, he tends to stay reserved sometimes. He covers up his metal arm that he got after an accident. And for some reason he keeps showing up in places that I am. He showed up when I was jogging and something happened when I went to the bathroom. I came back out and this woman was dead and James told me to leave, I did. But I saw these cars with a symbol on them. Then I got flashbacks of letters, so far I only have S, H and I. Then, he showed when I went to visit Bucky’s grave, I don’t know what’s happening,” Steve explained.

“Take a breath,” Natasha crooned. “Did James tell you where he worked?” she asked.

“Somewhere secretive, a security division, keeping watch on citizens for threats. He didn’t go into detail,” Steve replied.

Natasha wrote it down.

“Go on,” she issued.

“I bumped into Tony before I got here,” he mused.

The red head looked up, eyes locking with Steve’s.

“And?” she queried.

“He was asking questions and I may have told him a lie,” the blonde sighed.

“What did you say?” Natasha grumbled.

“I told him I was seeing someone,” he answered.

“Steve!” Natasha exclaimed. “How is that going to work out if he doesn’t see you with this said person?” she sighed.

“He will at some point. I told him it was James,” Steve mumbled.

“James, the strange guy across the hall. Good idea,” she replied sarcastically.

“It’s better than nothing,” the blonde groaned. “He’s coming over for dinner tonight anyway,” he continued.

“Have you told James?” Natasha questioned.

“No, haven’t seen him today,” Steve mused.

“Well you’ll need to, or this could go south,” she hummed.

“I will, at dinner I will,” he assured her.

“I don’t like the fact that this James guy seems to be popping up everywhere. That’s a bit stalker like. Please keep an eye on him,” Natasha issued.

“Well he’s shown up a few times than a normal person would, when I didn’t expect him to. I think if I see him once more I’m going to have to confront him,” Steve replied.

“Steve, I would have confronted him after the second time. Please keep me updated if things get messy. I’ll need to meet this James for myself,” the red head explained.

“Yeah, I get it,” Steve murmured.

Natasha smiled as she patted Steve’s hand gently.

“I think you’re good to go. Is there anything else you need to ask?” she questioned.

“Yeah, how am I going to pretend James is my boyfriend, that would really awkward. Tony would read us like books,” Steve huffed.

“Act normal, show affection, but not too much. And Tony should fall for it,” Natasha spoke, squeezing Steve’s hand.

“Thanks Nat, you’re the best,” Steve sighed, happily.

“Anything for my darling Steve,” she sang, fluttering her eyelashes.

Steve laughed as he stood up and hugged his friend tightly, kissing her on the cheek lightly.

“I’ll text you later about what happens,” he hummed, pulling away.

“Alright hun, take care,” Natasha replied.

The blonde smirked and made his way to the door as he waved to Natasha, then left. He went to the reception desk to pay, only to have the receptionist say that it was ‘on the house’ in Natasha’s words. Steve wasn’t having it, so he left a tip, that made him feel a bit better. As he walked back out into the busy city of Manhattan, he saw grey clouds rolling over, a frown crossing his face.

“They said it would be sunny today,” he spoke, to himself.

He shrugged it off as he started on the journey back to his Harley, which he had decided to leave parked outside the coffee shop, which was three streets down. His mind went to thoughts of tonight, he didn’t know what he was going to cook, he didn’t know what to buy to drink either. Steve took his phone out and hovered over Bucky’s name, wondering if he should call him and ask.

“Fuck it,” Steve sighed, pressing the call button.

It wasn’t exactly the smartest thing for Steve to do, because right across the street, Bucky sat watching him from a bench. When his phone rang, he flinched and answered it quickly before the ringtone echoed in the street.

“Hello?” he spoke.

“Hey James, it’s Steve,” the blonde replied.

Bucky kept his head low as he stood from the bench and walked up the street. He was going at the exact same pace as Steve and he had to hide his metal hand and hold his phone to his right ear so he could hide that too.

“Hey Steve!” he chimed. “What’s up?” he asked.

“I just wanted to know what you’d like to drink with dinner tonight. Wine? Beer? Something else?” Steve asked.

“Wine would be great, then maybe some beer after,” Bucky replied.

“Great, is white wine okay?” Steve questioned.

“Perfect,” Bucky mused.

“Alright, I’ll see you later,” the blonde crooned.

“Can’t wait,” the brunette chuckled.

The call ended and Bucky gave out a sigh of relief as he crossed the street, close behind Steve. His eyes scanned the surrounding area, keeping watch for anyone suspicious. So far there hadn’t been and Bucky simply thought it was rotten luck.

“How is your status Agent Barnes?” Phil asked.

Bucky had forgotten he had his earpiece on, but then he remembered he had to ask Phil where Steve would be that morning.

“Keeping a safe distance from Captain. He hasn’t shown signs of suspicion, so everything should be alright Director,” Bucky explained.

“Good, you’re doing well today Barnes,” Phil praised.

“Thank you sir,” Bucky mused.

“Carry on, update me once Captain is secure,” Phil issued.

“Yes sir,” Bucky replied, eyes still focused on Steve.

The blonde turned down another street, which Bucky followed him down. He had to hide behind towering signs or in alleyways whenever Steve turned his head. The brunette had always remembered that Steve was pretty paranoid in public sometimes. Steve stopped by his Harley and Bucky stood back, head down as he shrugged the hood of his sweater over his mop of brunette hair. The roar of the Harley rang through the street, a smirk crossing Bucky’s face.

“Show off,” he scoffed.

Steve sped down the street and Bucky was hot on his toes as he ran across the road to his car. He knew Steve would be heading back home now, but again, he had to follow him in case someone had something plotted for the road. The brunette started the engine, revving it twice, before pulling out onto the road. His car tires screeched on it, leaving a burn mark. Bucky grinned as he followed the route Steve was taking, keeping a safe distance. He really couldn’t wait for dinner, the only thing bothering him was that he had to snoop around Steve’s apartment.

“You’ll be fine Buck, you can do this,” he told himself.

One slip up and he’d be exposed to Steve, like a deer being hunted in the woods. That’s one thing he couldn’t afford.

* * *

Bob Segar blared through the speakers on the new stereo that Bucky had bought. The brunette was pondering about in some loose shorts, his dog tags swinging around his neck. He slid across the floor in his socks, sunglasses propped on his face. He was mimicking a scene from a movie ‘Risky Business’ that he saw years ago, he loved it. The dance scene was still his favourite part and he always made it tradition to recreate the scene. Steve used to laugh at him all the time when he did it at S.H.I.E.L.D, because Phil would scold them. Those were his favourite times.

_Just take those old records off the shelf_   
_I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself_   
_Today's music ain't got the same soul_   
_I like that old time rock 'n' roll_   
_Don't try to take me to a disco_   
_You'll never even get me out on the floor_   
_In ten minutes I'll be late for the door_   
_I like that old time rock 'n' roll_

“Still like that old time rock ‘n’ roll!” he sang, shaking his hips as he wandered over to the balcony.

He opened the glass door to let some air in, the apartment got stuffy most of the time. Bucky had a good few hours to kill before he went over to Steve’s place, the short distance that it was. His clothes were lying out on his bed, he didn’t want to go too fancy, so decided that smart yet casual would work. Phil gave him a debriefing of what he should be looking for in Steve’s apartment. He’d already found the old pictures of himself, but there had to be more hiding there. Bucky had to remember and actually do his job, or Phil would probably have him on probation. That basically meant that he would have another agent come in and check on him, follow him around, and make sure he did his work. Bucky didn’t want that because he knew he’d get someone he didn’t like. Most likely Agent Grant Ward who he hated with a passion.

“Asshole,” Bucky huffed, shuddering at the very thought of him.

A knock at his door startled him as he turned the music down and pushed his sunglasses up on his head. Bucky sauntered over to the door and opened it, his body tensing.

“Clint!” he yelled.

“Hey Bucky!” the brunette replied.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Bucky hissed.

“Man, nice to see you too, Agent Barnes,” Clint teased.

“Shut up, Agent Barton,” Bucky retorted.

Clint grinned, before his eyes trailed down Bucky, an eyebrow raise following.

“Where are your clothes?” he laughed.

“In the washing machine,” Bucky huffed. What do you want? Why are you wandering around in S.H.I.E.L.D uniform?” he questioned.

“I’m on duty dumbass,” Clint answered. “I came here to see you too but Phil needed me to do a few errands here in Brooklyn too,” he continued.

“You need to go! Steve is just across the hall and he might ask questions if he sees you in that uniform!” Bucky exclaimed.

“I didn’t come all this way to where Phil wants me without coming to see you first, deal with it,” the brunette grumbled.

At that exact moment, Steve’s door opened slightly. Bucky panicked as he grabbed Clint’s jacket and pulled him inside. Steve saw it all though, his eyebrow raising in question, then falling. _Is James seeing someone already?_  he thought. The blonde shook his head as he threw the thrash into the garbage chute, heading back into his apartment. But not without sporting a bit of a sullen look about him.

“Woah! Hey, hey calm down!” Clint yelled, fixing his jacket.

“I didn’t have a choice! Steve was right there!” Bucky snapped.

“You’re so edgy these days Bucky,” Clint huffed.

“Clint, if Steve finds out I’ve been spying on his private life and that I’m with S.H.I.E.L.D, I’m screwed. He and I can’t go back to how we used to be, that’s what Phil said. We can’t be Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers, the best duo in S.H.I.E.L.D anymore. Steve’s a broken mess, he remembers me, and I nearly blew my cover. To him I’m James across the hall, a stranger. I’m not Bucky,” he explained.

Clint stared at the brunette with sympathy in his expression, a comforting hand landing on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Sorry man, I didn’t know it was that bad,” he mused.

Bucky smiled sadly.

“It hurts to see him break his heart over me. I’m just some guy,” he mumbled.

“Hey, don’t say that,” Clint replied. “You were his best friend. You were everything to Steve. Hell I ain’t judging the guy Bucky but I think he might have had a bit of a y’know...stronger feeling for you than just friendship,” he added.

“Don’t say that,” Bucky growled, shaking Clint’s hand off his shoulder. “Phil already implied that something was going on back in the day. It wasn’t like that at all. We’re just two guys from Brooklyn who have feelings and not stoney, blank expressions everyday like Ward, he’s a fucking arrogant ass,” he continued.

“Sorry, I’m just saying,” Clint whispered.

“Just because you found out I like guys and that Steve dated Tony Stark, doesn’t mean Steve and I got up to things. He’s my best friend, I wouldn’t use him for anything, you hear me?” the brunette lectured.

“Understood,” Clint answered.

Bucky now had this dull ache in his chest. Was Steve really breaking his heart over something more than just losing his best friend? He shook the thought away and went into the small kitchen to make coffee.

“You want one?” he asked.

“Please,” Clint sighed, in relief.

“So what’s happening at head quarters? How’s the search going for whoever is out hunting Steve?” Bucky asked.

“We’re getting close I think. Phil has me up on patrol most days,” the brunette issued.

“Up in your nest Hawkeye?” Bucky teased.

“Nobody calls me that now, it’s either Agent Barton this, or Barton that,” Clint spoke, sadly, his gaze falling on his hands. “You always called me it,” he muttered.

“I’m missed am I?” Bucky chuckled.

“You could say that. Phil always passes by your old room every night. Maria has this sad expression on her face at the mention of you. Me...I just make sure your room stays how it was and I do our traditional game of pool every Friday in the rec room, Phil joins me,” he explained.

The brunette felt his heart break. He didn’t know he had that affect on people, especially not at S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Ward?” Bucky questioned, bitterly.

“Thinks he’s king now and that we should obey his orders and kiss his ass. He’s a dick,” Clint spat.

Bucky snorted.

“Y’know, himself and Rumlow seem to have become pals overnight. Ward doesn’t like working much with others but Rumlow is kind of like him, stoney faced and acts like he’s an Alpha. So their similarities have pulled them toward each other,” he continued.

“This sounds like it’s turning into some homosexual love story between Agent Ward and Agent Rumlow,” Bucky replied, placing a mug of coffee in front of Clint.

The brunette choked out a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Honestly, I swear they were making ‘goo-goo’ eyes at each other,” he laughed.

Bucky screwed up his face.

“Nobody says ‘goo-goo’ anymore Clint, Jesus, also don’t put that in my head. That ship is sinking big time,” he groaned.

“One true pairing!” Clint sang, waving his hands.

“Please! Don’t!” Bucky protested, shaking his head with a laugh. “Come on, come see the view,” he mused, gesturing outside to the balcony.

Clint followed behind Bucky, whistling when they stepped out onto the balcony.

“This is lush,” he teased.

“I guess,” Bucky chuckled. “What about Fitz, how’s he doing?” he asked.

“In his own words he misses his wee pal Bucky,” Clint answered, putting on a horrible accent.

Bucky nearly choked on his coffee.

“I’m telling him you did a shit impersonation of him,” he taunted.

“Do what you want,” Clint retorted. “Simmons misses you too. She asks about you everyday,” he mused.

“Just because she only has to make sandwiches for Fitz now. You’re breaking my heart here Clint,” the brunette muttered.

“Sorry, we just think you’re the life of the party at S.H.I.E.L.D. I know it gets pretty serious and strict there most of the time. But when we get some free time, it’s a blast,” he replied.

“I’ll drop by soon, I need to see how your research is going anyway,” Bucky issued.

“Yeah, speaking of which, I’ve just been called in,” the brunette sighed. “Thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you soon huh?” he questioned.

Bucky nodded as they shared a quick hug, before Bucky showed him to the door.

“See ya’ around Hawkeye,” he chimed, a smirk showing on his face.

“Later Barnes!” Clint called back.

He closed the door after making sure Clint got into the elevator okay, a sigh leaving his lips. Steve was going to be at the gym in an hour and Bucky had to go, Phil’s orders. It was a huge local gym, but a guy with a metal arm wouldn’t be hard to spot. Bucky just had to take his chances.

* * *

The gym wasn’t as busy as it usually was on a Monday. It made Bucky all the more vulnerable to be there. His navy blue shirt clung to him as he did chin ups on one of the bars, his breathing heavy but steady. He had Green Day playing in his ears from his iPod, it kept him motivated while he worked out. Sweat trailed down his forehead, back, neck and chest, he was a glistening, sweaty god if anything. The brunette’s hair was tied back into a ‘man bun’ that seemed to be the trendy thing for long haired men these days, Bucky simply did it to keep his damn hair from his face. His hands suddenly slipped as he pulled up for another chin up, but with his quick reflexes he landed, in a crouch, metal hand pressed to the wooden floor. He looked like a crouching tiger, waiting on its prey to come closer, when he flipped his head up, his eyes narrowed and glinted from the sun shining in.

“Woah, that was awesome,” a woman spoke.

Bucky simply smirked at her as he made his way over to the punching bags, putting an extra wrap around his right hand. He cracked the bones in his neck and shoulders, getting into a power stance as he began. His fists pummeled the bag with great force, the chain rattling above him with a loud creak following after. It’d been a while since he’d had a proper workout, he was extremely fired up.

“Will you look at this guy he’s a damn machine!” the woman gushed.

The brunette wanted to roll his pretty blue-grey eyes but he was far too focused. A laugh actually tore him away from punching the hell out of the bag as his gaze fell to the other end of the gym. Steve sat at a multi-gym machine, doubled over as he cackled, with Sam directly beside him lighting weights. Bucky had to tear his gaze away, Steve looked too damn good in his gym gear.

“Stay calm and vigilant Buck,” he whispered.

Steve had contained himself by then, hands reaching up to grab the chest press.

“So he’s going to yours for dinner huh?” Sam asked, giving him a knowing look.

He knew too well that Steve was a bit of a flirt with anybody.

“Yeah, cooking something extra delicious tonight,” Steve replied.

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” Sam joked.

“I walked right into that one,” Steve scoffed. “I’m cooking pepper sauce steak with oven baked fries,” he added.

“Man, that sounds amazing,” Sam groaned. “Save me some leftovers,” he mused.

“I’ll see what I can do,” the blonde laughed.

They went back to their regular exercising, until Sam’s face squinted at someone in the distance.

“Hey is that James over there?”

Steve turned in the seat of the multi-gym, his eyes searching out the brunette. Sure enough, he was there, wiping sweat from his face as he talked to a woman. She was squeezing his muscly arm and feeling his chest, a pang of jealous unexpectedly rushed through Steve.  _What the hell?_  he thought. But then his thoughts went back to what was said earlier by Natasha, he was here again, in the same place Steve was, at the same time. The blonde frowned, this was starting to get a little weird for him. It was right there and then he decided that he was going to confront the brunette at dinner, because at least he was in the safety of his own home then.

“I’m gonna’ go say hi,” Sam spoke.

“Sam wait,” Steve protested.

But his friend was already gone and Steve groaned, letting his head fall back. Natasha was pretty right with her theory, Bucky was showing early signs of a stalker. The blonde felt his blood run cold as he looked over to where Sam was. Bucky looked directly at him and he looked a little pale, it made Steve raise a questioning eyebrow. Sam’s hand rested on Bucky’s shoulder as he talked to him, gesturing with his hand. Bucky was nodding, a little hesitantly. Steve then saw the pair heading back to where he was.

“God dammit,” he whispered.

“Hey Steve,” Bucky spoke.

“Hi,” Steve replied.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, weird huh?” the brunette asked.

_Damn right you creep_  Steve thought. He felt so conflicted, Bucky was so nice, but now from what Natasha said he doesn’t know what to think.

“Pretty damn weird,” Steve chuckled, biting his lip to hide the sarcastic smirk he wanted to give.

“I’m looking forward to dinner,” Bucky mused.

“Me too, it’ll be fun,” the blonde answered.

“Well I uh-better get back to my workouts and then go home,” the brunette issued.

“Hold on a minute, slow down there soldier,” Sam interjected.

Steve glanced at Sam, giving him a confused look.

“I want to see you two face off at a push-ups contest,” he spoke.

Bucky and Steve scoffed in unison, shooting each other a quick glance.

“Sam, he’s obviously busy,” Steve muttered.

“I don’t mind a challenge,” Bucky replied, smiling coyly.

Steve frowned.

“Alright then, you’re on,” he taunted.

“Make a bet boys,” Sam mused.

Bucky tilted his head and smirked.

“If I win, then you owe me a few drinks at the Lemurian Star, not just one or two, a few,” he chimed.

“Deal, if I win, you owe me a dance,” Steve spoke.

“A dance?” Bucky laughed, shrugging a little. “Fair enough,” he added. “Even though I don’t know how to dance,” he jeered.

“I’ll teach you,” Steve mused.

“Alright, on the floor, let’s get this over with,” Sam sighed.

Bucky immediately dropped, legs out and hands pressed to the floor. Clint had trained him on some things when they trained in S.H.I.E.L.D, hell Bucky became like a second Hawkeye. Steve was actually surprised as he got down and flexed himself out. By then, they had drawn in a crowd from the other gym goers. The woman who was ‘chatting up’ Bucky earlier was watching happily from the sidelines. The blonde felt that annoying pang of jealously again.  _Cut it out_  Steve he thought.

“Last man standing wins!” Sam exclaimed.

Bucky looked over at Steve and grinned, giving him a small nod. Steve scowled, but nodded back at him.

“Go!” Sam yelled.

The cheering began as the pair started pushing their bodies and up and down at a steady pace, eyes fixed to the ground. Bucky was being sly and put his right arm behind his back, his metal arm supporting him.

“Isn’t that cheating?” Steve breathed out.

“Yeah, I guess it is, sorry Steve,” Bucky chuckled, suddenly switching arms.

Steve then did the same, left arm behind his back, right arm pushing his body. He could feel his body straining, but he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. The brunette looked over at Steve, grinning as he licked his lips, one bead of sweat sliding down his cheek.

“Come on Steve!” Sam cheered.

The blonde groaned as he used both hands again, he must have done over thirty push-ups by now. His last record was about fifty. But Bucky was showing no signs of stopping. In other words, Steve was screwed.

“Fuck,” he hissed, feeling a sudden twinge in his back.

Bucky saw the pain spread on his face and he stopped immediately, disappointed groans erupting around him.

“Hey hey! Steve, stop you’re gonna’ hurt yourself!” he yelled.

Steve dropped to the floor, feeling the twinge again, his face contorting in pain as he rested his head in his arms. Bucky was by his side in seconds, resting his hand on the blonde’s back.

“Easy pal,” he soothed.

He didn’t have enough fight in him to tell the brunette to back off. His breathing was laboured as he lay there on the floor. Tears stung at his eyes, he couldn’t believe how weak he’d gotten lately.

_“Come on pal, you gotta’ keep up!”_

Steve closed his eyes as Bucky’s voice rang in his head. Bucky was always his motivation and he felt like he’d failed his best friend in some way.

“Steve, you okay man?” Sam questioned.

“Fine,” Steve choked out.

“What a wimp,” the woman Bucky had met laughed.

“Back off!” Bucky roared, glaring at her.

Steve couldn’t help but smile a little. He was a nice stalker if anything. It made him laugh a little inside.

“Thanks James,” he whispered.

“Can you get up now?” the brunette asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine really, I just didn’t stretch beforehand,” Steve wavered.

Bucky held his hand out to Steve as he helped him up, relief washing over his face. He hated seeing Steve in pain, he always had.

“Maybe a heat pack for a few hours will ease the kink,” Bucky issued.

“Better still come over for dinner,” Steve replied.

“I still owe you that dance,” the brunette teased.

“I was joking about that,” the blonde answered.

Bucky shrugged.

“I still owe you, I’m not kidding,” he whispered.

Steve couldn’t help but smile as the crowd dispersed. He still had a dull ache in his back, a heat pack sounded great.

_“Why do you trust him? You shouldn’t...”_

He shook the voice away from his mind. Steve should have just talked to Bucky there and then. But causing a scene wasn’t exactly on his list of things to do.

“C’mon man, I’ll take you home,” Sam crooned, fussing around Steve like a mother duck.

Bucky chewed back his laughter.

“See you later?” Steve questioned.

“See ya’ later,” Bucky replied, sneaking a wink at Steve.

_Fucking dammit Barnes! Not professional!_  he thought, scolding himself.

The pair gathered their belongings as Bucky waved goodbye. He let out a heavy sigh as he went back over to his bag. His eyes caught on to a strip of paper, a number scrawled on it. He rolled his weary eyes.

“That woman,” he huffed.

He could feel her eyes watching him intently, so he casually picked up the paper and screwed it into a ball.

“Sorry doll, I don’t swing that way,” he spoke, nodding at her.

He’d surely get labelled an asshole for being so discreet. But he wasn’t interested, he wasn’t interested in anybody, not any women anyway, nor any men...or so he thought. His gaze avoided hers as he packed up his gear, he didn’t have the energy to do anymore workouts. The brunette was more worried about Steve really. And the change in his tone when he spoke to him was a little off putting. Was he doing something wrong?

* * *

Everything was set out perfectly come night time. Steve was feeling a lot better after laying down for a few hours with a heat pack. If anything, he was glad Bucky had been there to offer him the advice. He felt a little guilty now for the fact that Natasha had installed it into his brain that Bucky meant danger. He’d approach him calmly about it, if he could. Jazz filtered through the apartment as Steve stood in his bedroom, fixing the buttons on his shirt. He went with a smart look, but not overly smart. A simple maroon coloured button up and black pants did him fine, his hair combed like the men had in the forties, he loved it. When he stepped out of his bedroom, he could smell the steak sizzling away at a low heat on the cooktop.

The lights were on a dim setting, and a candle burned on the small dining table, the flame flickering up and down. Steve thought it looked like a bit much, but the dim light allowed the city lights outside to stand out more, this wasn’t a date.  _Hell no_  he thought. He needed to stop with relationships for a while, ever since Tony he couldn’t handle the stress when he thought about it. His eyes scanned the table, it was covered with a plain red tablecloth and he had plates and cutlery sitting out. He never usually went to great lengths for dinner, usually he parked his ass on the couch and watched TV.

“It’ll be fine Steve,” he sighed.

The wine was cooling in a bucket of ice on the kitchen counter, condensation rolling onto the countertop. It was a few minutes past the time that they’d arranged, but Steve wasn’t really picky for time. The blonde walked over to the balcony as he unlocked the doors from the locks and pushed them to each side, opening the whole apartment up. Brooklyn looked magnificent at night and Steve marvelled in the sight.

“Amazing,” he whispered.

Loud knocking sounded at the door, making Steve jump slightly as he turned around. He took a deep breath as he smoothed down his shirt and made his way to the door. Steve sported the widest smile when he opened the door.

“Hey,” Bucky spoke, grinning a little.

He looked stunning and Steve couldn’t actually help but think that. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he looked Bucky up and down. His hair was down, but neatly brushed and his cologne was musky, but it was a nice musk, Steve liked musky. He had a navy blue button up on with a grey waistcoat and black pants. The blonde felt a bit of a blush start on his neck as it worked it’s way up to his face.

“Hi,” he replied, sounding a little husky.

“Did you sprint to the door?” Bucky joked, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I-” Steve paused. “Sorry, Jesus, you look great. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m rambling again,” he grumbled.

Bucky chuckled.

“Back at ya’,” he mused. “How’s the back?” he asked.

“Better, thanks to the heat pack,” Steve answered.

The brunette smiled.

“Anyway, come in, come in,” Steve chuckled, stepping to the side.

“Thanks,” the brunette replied, wandering into the apartment.

His eyes widened as he looked around the room, taking in the sights, the smells of food, the mood.

“Well...wow, this is nice,” he commented, turning back to Steve.

“Hope it’s not too much, or really weird,” Steve issued, going into the kitchen to check on dinner.

“No it’s...fine,” Bucky breathed out, placing a bag down on the table.

_A candle? Wow Steve_  he thought.

“So, I hope you like steak, because that’s what we’re having. With pepper sauce and fries,” the blonde spoke.

“That sounds perfect to me,” Bucky soothed. “I uh, brought some wine and dessert. Felt bad after what happened at the gym,” he added.

_God dammit he’s really sweet!_  Steve thought.

“What kind of dessert?” he questioned.

“Caramel Crème brûlée,” the brunette issued.

Steve nearly dropped the knife he had in his hand, his jaw tightening as his stomach churned. He and Bucky used to eat Crème brûlée together, every Saturday.

“You okay Steve?” Bucky asked, sensing the tension.

“Fine, just...damn onions,” he choked out, trying to hold back the tears.

“You’re not cutting any onions,” Bucky replied.

The blonde wanted to hit his head against a wall for being such an idiot.

“Bucky and I used to eat Crème brûlée on Saturdays,” he mumbled.

_Oh shit, how could I have forgotten that!_  Bucky thought.

“I’m so sorry, we don’t have to eat them,” he crooned.

“No it’s okay,” Steve sighed, shakily. “It’ll be nice to try one again since I haven’t had one since I lost Buck,” he added.

Bucky’s face fell, heart sinking to his stomach. He couldn’t get over how torn Steve was about him, he really he wanted to hug him now. Steve let out a quiet sob, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he tried to get back to cooking. Phil’s words of keeping it professional were running through Bucky’s head, but he couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of guilt.  _Screw it_  he thought. Once again, Bucky broke the code. The brunette went over to Steve and gently wrapped his arms around the blonde. Steve tensed a little, then relaxed, lip trembling a little as he looked down at his hands.

“It’s alright Steve,” Bucky mumbled.

It probably wasn’t the best of places to stand, his body pressed right against Steve, but it was comforting for the blonde. Steve wiped the tears away, palms resting on the counter once more.

“Thanks,” he whispered. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s ruining dinner,” he added.

“Steve, you don’t need to bottle it up because I’m here. You lost someone close to you, I understand,” the brunette mused.

He hated lying to Steve, he wasn’t lost, just to Steve he was. Steve simply nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I needed that hug,” he laughed weakly.

Bucky stepped back then rubbed Steve’s back soothingly in small circles.

“You okay now?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Steve replied.

“Come on, let’s crack open that wine,” Bucky chimed.

“Dinner shouldn’t be too long,” Steve answered. “You can do the honours,” he soothed, turning back to prep some salad.

The brunette smiled slightly as he opened the wine and grabbed the two glasses that Steve had sitting out. His eyes scanned the countertop as he saw letters and other things, his gaze trying to look discreet as he looked for anything important. But there was nothing. Steve mixed the lettuce and tomato in a light sauce as he turned the steak over, turning the heat off and leaving it to sit. He walked to the oven and pulled out the fries, placing them on a mat to cool down. Bucky slid the glass of wine over to him and he took it gratefully, holding it up.

“A toast. To new neighbours,” he mused.

“To new neighbours,” Bucky replied, as they clinked the glasses together.

“So uh, I gotta’ ask...that guy at your apartment earlier. Is he your-” Steve paused.

Bucky’s eyes widened as he choked back some wine, he knew Steve must have seen it.

“Clint? No, god no, he’s not my boyfriend, fiancé or husband. Not married,” he issued. “We aren’t dating. He’s a friend from work,” he explained.

“Oh,” Steve gasped, his mouth shaped into a perfect ‘O’ as he blinked. “Oh god...I am-” he stopped briefly. “So sorry, I shouldn’t have judged you by what I saw,” he added.

“It’s alright,” Bucky laughed.

“So...not your boyfriend?” Steve asked.

“No, definitely not,” Bucky muttered.

“Do you...have one?” the blonde questioned, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks.

“No...” Bucky drawled, raising an eyebrow.

_What’s with all the questions?_  he thought.

“Do I need to have one?” he asked, trying to sound sarcastic.

“No I just-you’re a good lookin’ guy and I just thought maybe...oh my god, please tell me to stop, this is embarrassing,” Steve groaned.

Bucky laughed again, swirling the wine in his glass.

“If you’re trying to lead onto a question of what flavour I prefer, I prefer men,” he answered.

Steve blushed furiously.

“I wasn’t-” he sighed. “I am the biggest idiot,” he huffed. “I get awkward when I try to get to know people,” he continued.

“I understand,” Bucky hummed.

“Anyway, you ready for dinner?” the blonde queried.

“Starving,” Bucky replied, smiling softly.

He nodded as he hurried to get the plates from the table, the blush still prominent on his cheeks as he tugged at his shirt collar. Bucky wandered over to the table and sat down, back facing the wall as he looked out at the view.

“You’ve got a great view,” he spoke.

“You don’t?” Steve asked, serving up the food.

“I do, but yours is better,” Bucky crooned.

“Thanks I suppose,” Steve chuckled.

His hands shakily grabbed the plates and he frowned, telling himself to calm the hell down. Bucky’s gaze fell on him as he sauntered over and placed the plate down. The brunette’s eyes widened a little, his lips parting as the smell hit his nose.

“This smells great Steve,” he issued.

“Dig in,” the blonde replied.

And Bucky did, the juicy tender steak melted in his mouth and he couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped. Steve hung his head, biting his lip as he cut into his steak. He did tend to get a little shy when people clearly enjoyed his cooking, he expected them to hate it, he didn’t think he was a good cook half the time.

“How is it?” he questioned, looking up at the brunette.

“Steve this is...my god, it’s wonderful. It’s so tender and juicy and the pepper sauce gives it more flavour and these fries are the friggin’ best. You’re like a master chef,” Bucky commented, letting out another satisfied moan. “It’s just delicious, fuck,” he cursed. “Oh shit, sorry,” he continued, dropping his fork and covering his mouth. “говно,”  _Shit_  he muttered.

Steve tried to hide his laughter but he couldn’t. He put his fork down also as he turned in his chair, and began laughing hysterically.

“You looked like someone out of a comedy movie!” he exclaimed.

Bucky snorted.

“I’m really sorry,” he answered.

“Don’t be, I swear too,” Steve chuckled.

Silence. It irritated Bucky so much.

“You speak Russian huh?” the blonde mused.

“I spent some time there once,” Bucky replied.

Steve smiled.

“Bucky went to Russia for a while, I can’t remember what for because of my amnesia. But, he became really fluent in it,” he whispered.

The brunette knew exactly what Steve was talking about. It was a few months after he had joined S.H.I.E.L.D, he got sent out on a solo mission to Russia. Steve tried to go with him, but a solo mission meant you literally went on your own and put your life at risk, no questions asked. He remembers when he got back safely, Steve wouldn’t let go of him as he cried on his shoulder with relief in the comfort of their shared room. It was a bad time for Steve.

“Did he teach you any?” Bucky questioned, taking a sip of wine.

Bucky knew he had, but had Steve remembered?

“да, немного,”  _Yes, a little_  Steve replied.

Bucky nearly started crying with joy. Steve remembered the Russian he had taught him.

“Hey, you alright?” Steve asked, worriedly.

The brunette saw his metal arm trembling a little as he grabbed it tightly to stop it. It did it from time to time when Bucky got overwhelmed.

“Yeah, fine, I think I need a freshen up. Where’s your bathroom?” he murmured.

“On your left when you go into my bedroom.” Steve answered.

“Thanks,” Bucky chimed, standing up quickly.

He tried to act natural as he hurried to Steve’s room, the door swinging over a little to block Steve’s view. Bucky pondered around the room, moving things quietly and looking under Steve’s bed and furniture for anything that might stand out to him.  _This isn’t okay_  he told himself.

“Agent Barnes, are you there?” Phil’s voice called in the earpiece.

“Here sir, I’m in Captain’s bedroom,” he whispered.

“Anything?” Phil asked.

“Nothing so far,” Bucky mused.

“Look in his underwear drawer,” Maria interjected.

“Hill!” Phil scolded, like a grumpy parent.

“You’re joking right?” Bucky grunted.

“No, not really,” Maria answered.

“Christ,” Bucky sighed. “I’m sorry Steve,” he added.

When he pulled the top drawer open he felt his face flush crimson red.

“American flag underwear, seriously Steve?” he spoke.

Maria could be heard giggling on the other end, Phil scolding her again. The brunette shoved the briefs aside, his eyes suddenly falling on a leather journal, hidden right in the corner.

“I found a journal,” he issued.

“Pocket it,” Phil ordered.

“Director this could be private,” Bucky muttered.

“It could save Steve’s life!” he barked.

Bucky rolled his eyes as he slipped the journal into his pants pocket, luckily it was a small journal. He closed the drawer and wandered into the en-suite, he didn’t exactly know if he’d find anything there. His eyes searched the cabinet beside the mirror, seeing bottles of pills and shaving cream, a few razors on the shelf underneath. The pills made him concerned as he picked them up.

“Anxiety, insomnia-” he paused, his face paling. “Depression...” he breathed out. “Oh Steve,” he whispered.

“Find anything interesting?” a rough voice spoke.

Bucky flinched, dropping the bottles on the floor as they rolled to the doorway. Steve lent against the door frame, arms crossed tight over his broad chest. His stare was hard and his eyes remained steely and blank on Bucky’s.  _Oh fuck_  Bucky thought.

“Steve,” he mumbled.

“Get out here,” Steve ordered. “Now!” he yelled.

The brunette followed Steve out to the main room again like a misbehaving puppy, with its tail between its legs. Steve stopped and turned around abruptly.

“Who the hell are you and what do you want!” he roared, eyes blazing.

“Steve I can explain,” he whispered.

“You better give me a damn good reason buddy!” he spat.

Bucky had suddenly switched into full agent mode, his hands held up in defence and surrender.

“Sir, I’m with S.H.I.E.L.D,” he confessed.

“Sir? What the hell am I an army Captain?” he laughed sarcastically.

“It’s my job! It’s part of our code!” Bucky exclaimed.

“So that’s who was at the park? S.H.I.E.L.D!” Steve screamed. “All those men and women dressed in fancy suits or uniforms!” he added. “Who the hell are they!” he roared.

Bucky hated that Steve was so confused about all this. He was screwed now, he blew his cover and Phil was going to kick his ass for it.

“We’re here to protect you!” he snapped.

“Protect me? I don’t need protecting!” Steve bellowed.

“Someone is after you Steve. To kill you,” Bucky replied.

Steve blanched.

“Barnes what are you doing!” Phil yelled.

“I watched you at Tony Stark’s office, someone was going to walk into the building with a gun, and try to kill you. I confronted him but he turned the gun on himself. I followed you most of the time, to make sure you were away fro harm. Because that’s my job. That day at the park, that woman, she was going to kill you too. But because I caught her, she died also. She said ‘cut off one head, two more shall take its place’ and I had to forward that on to my Director, he is the one I speak to in my earpiece. You’re in danger Steve, and I am here to make sure you live,” Bucky explained.

“Oh my god,” Steve gasped. “Oh my god, no, no,” he whispered, raking his hands through his hair. “Why do they want me dead?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry I lied. I’m so sorry but I had to try and stay undercover but I guess I’ve messed that up and I’ll pay for it. Please believe me,” the brunette pleaded.

“I-I can’t...this is too much. I thought I could trust you!” the blonde cried out.

“You can trust me! Dammit Steve we’re here to help,” the brunette hissed.

“Barnes you’ve got a rogue one at 9 o’clock!” Maria howled suddenly.

Bucky’s heart lurched in his chest, head snapping to the side. At the apartment block across from Steve’s, a hooded figure stood on the balcony, a gun pointed right at them.

“Agent Barnes!” Phil called.

He raced forward, tackling Steve to the ground as the shot was fired. A pained scream filled the room. Bucky had taken the hit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger, I always do love them. Don't fret, Bucky should be fine. There's going to be some action in the next chapter, an epic car chase I guess you could say. And things are going to get tense between Phil and Bucky. And Ward and Rumlow are going to be there pestering him too. It's going to get intense.


	5. Chapter Four - Blinding Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bring the wayward one back home tonight.” - Wayward One - Alter Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty dark. I didn’t even intend for it to go that way, but it did. There's a lot of emotions on Steve and Bucky and I can literally feel the tension between them both physically, mentally and emotionally. I can feel that need for each other. And, even though it hurt me to write it and I actually needed to go for a walk and sit at a bench looking out at the ocean for a while and listen to the Captain America: TWS soundtrack. I thought it turned out pretty okay. Though, I don’t think this story is going to be a very painless one, there will be pain. I’ve put Rumlow and Ward into a different light, again I didn’t even think I was going to write it like that, but, things change from what you plan. I added new tags because of what happens in this chapter. Also there's a Russian word in here that I didn't translate because I just wanted to leave it as it was, so the one without any translation said by Bucky, he's saying 'bastards'.

 

Pain surged up Bucky’s body as he clawed at his wounded arm. Steve lay frozen beside him, eyes wide and breathing laboured. The brunette reacted quickly, pulling the gun from his back where he had a holster strapped to him. His hair blew over his face as he pushed himself up and swung himself around, gun held tightly in his metal hand. Bucky pinpointed his target, his breathing hoarse in his ears. Steve was still in shock, eyes falling on Bucky, watching the brunette’s chest heave. The gun shot crackled through the air as Bucky lodged a bullet in the assailant’s head, watching their body fall backwards. He grunted in pain, clasping his metal hand back over the oozing, bloody wound. They weren’t safe there, Bucky had to get Steve somewhere safe and well guarded. Plus, he was sure someone would be up at any moment to see what the noise was.

“Pack a bag,” he ordered, rushing to Steve’s apartment door.

“Why should I trust you!” Steve yelled, sounding a little shaky.

“You aren’t safe here Steve! Not tonight! Now pack some clothes that’ll last you a few nights. Grab what you need, close that balcony door and meet me in the hallway! We gotta’ leave!” Bucky roared.

He didn’t give Steve time to respond as he ran out to his apartment. The brunette pushed through the door as he stumbled to his bag and grabbed a black sash. Bucky rolled up his sleeve and tied it tightly around his arm, wincing when he tightened it. His hands were stained with blood so he quickly rinsed them off in the kitchen sink.

“Agent Barnes what is your status!” Phil yelled, sounding concerned.

“Target down sir, they’ll need to be disposed of. I’m hit, but I’ll be okay until I get there,” Bucky replied.

“Get where!” Phil exclaimed.

“I’m sorry Director, I have no time to explain,” he breathed out.

“Agent Ba-” Phil’s voice stopped abruptly, as Bucky turned the earpiece off.

Bucky ripped off his navy blue button up and put on a black tank with his leather vest that covered his right arm, but kept his left on display. He shrugged on his combat pants and laced up his combat boots at record speed. His bag was carelessly packed with everything he needed as he reached into drawers and pulled out daggers. They were slipped into sleeves on his belt and in pockets of his pants. Guns were thrown into the bag and another pistol slipped into a pouch around his waist.

“James I’m here!” Steve called.

The brunette seized his bag, swinging it over his shoulder quickly. He walked by the bathroom, seeing his face riddled with focus, a slight hint of fear on it somewhere. His lips were pulled into a thin line as he grabbed the mask, resting it over his mouth and nose. In times like these, Bucky had to wear all this gear, it was part of the S.H.I.E.L.D protocol. Bucky grabbed the keys to his car, much to his right arms protest as it twinged from the bullet wound. Steve stood in the hallway, eyes darting everywhere as his body still trembled slightly. When he saw Bucky, his eyes scanned him up and down, catching a glimpse of the S.H.I.E.L.D logo on the brunette’s arm.

“That’s why you hid your arm,” he whispered.

“We need to go. Don’t ask questions, just follow me. You ever used a gun before?” Bucky asked, even though he knew the answer, as he began to walk at a fast pace.

“I-I think so,” Steve answered, catching up to him.

_Of course you have, we did pistol training together you punk_ Bucky thought.

“Take this,” he commanded, holding a loaded pistol out to the blonde.

“I don’t want to,” Steve wavered.

Bucky glared at him and Steve could have sworn he saw the eyes of someone he once knew so dear to him.

“Take. It. No fucking around,” Bucky hissed.

Steve hesitated, but took the pistol and placed it into the waistband of his pants, as if on instinct. It shocked him in a way and he felt nervous sweat forming on his neck. A memory flashed in his head and he grunted, holding his hand to his temple.

_“That’s it Stevie, keep your hands steady. And when you’re out of bullets, slip it into your waistband. Sometimes we won’t have our holsters,”_

_“This is making me nervous Bucky,”_

_“You’ll be fine. I’m right here with ya’ pal,”_

The blonde groaned as he fell against the wall, bag dropping on the floor.

“Steve? Hey what’s wrong?” Bucky questioned, rushing to his aid.

“Just a-ah...headache,” Steve whispered.

“Come on, we can’t waste time,” Bucky issued.

Steve managed to pick up his bag again as they headed for the staircase. Bucky didn’t want to cause any suspicions, deciding that they would go straight to the car park and skip the lobby. He pulled his keys from his pocket as they ran down the stairs, cutting corners whenever they could.

“Shit I left my keys!” Steve exclaimed.

“We’re taking my car. With you on a Harley you’re just a target,” Bucky answered, his voice muffled by the mask.

He could feel Steve’s eyes on him, he had questions, he definitely did. Steve wanted to know what all the attire was for, Bucky looked like he’d stepped out of a movie set if anything. They came into the car park and Bucky unlocked his car, throwing his bag into the back and Steve’s also.

“I was wondering who drove this car,” the blonde mused.

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Work gave it to me, now get in,” he demanded, forcing open the driver side door.

Steve reluctantly got in, settling himself into the seat and putting his seat belt around himself. The engine roared to life as Bucky put it into drive and pulled out of the parking space. His hands gripped tightly to the wheel, revving the engine as he zoomed out onto the road. Someone would have heard the loud screech echoing, but wouldn’t have seen who did it, because Bucky was already three streets up from their apartment block.

“James slow down!” Steve protested.

“Steve I don’t slow down when I have a duty to protect people! Please stop talking while I concentrate!” the brunette growled.

“I thought you’d be calling me sir or something,” Steve retorted.

“Have it your way, sir,” Bucky snapped, bitterly.

He couldn’t believe he and Steve had this tension between them. But he’d lied to his best friend who still thinks he’s dead. He’d blown his cover and he’d cut off Phil who would probably be assembling a team to come and find them. Steve fidgeted in his seat, he hated this, all of it. His mind was filled with so much confusion. He trusted the man beside him from the first few days they had met, now that seemed to be shattered. Bucky had a steely look about his face, focused on the road ahead of him. He was angry with everything. What bothered him more was that a few days ago during his debrief with Phil, he’d been told that HQ in Brooklyn was getting left behind. S.H.I.E.L.D had made quick work in moving their headquarters to Manhattan. He didn’t know why Clint hadn’t told him. Bucky had to get them both there as quick as possible, and in one piece. But it seemed...someone was already hot on their tail. Steve looked out into the side view mirror, noticing a black car speeding up behind them.

“Uh...James, we got company,” he spoke.

Bucky glanced into his mirror and cursed in Russian, slamming his fist on the wheel.

“Hold on,” he replied.

Tire screeches bounced off buildings as the brunette maneuvered his car around the corner. Steve’s heart rate escalated in his chest, fingers gripping onto the leather seat.  _This is a dream, just a dream_  he thought. But when he opened his eyes there was another car heading straight for them. Steve couldn’t help but yell out as the car spun, Bucky’s eyes masked with pain again as he raced down the next street, narrowly missing a pole.

“Steve calm down!” he yelled.

“Calm down? Calm down! How can I be calm when there are people after us!” Steve roared.

Gunfire rained upon them, one of the bullets slicing right through the back window and out the front.

“So much for bulletproof glass!” the brunette screamed.

He could see Brooklyn Bridge up ahead, flooring it on the gas, left hand on the wheel as he held his gun in his right. Bucky let the window roll down, the wind blowing his hair back as he fired shots, not caring where he aimed. He had managed to puncture a tire from the first car, sending it hurtling to the other side of the road. The bridge was basically deserted and the brunette was surprised as it wasn’t exactly normal.

“Fuck this isn’t happening!” Steve exclaimed, trying to block out the noise.

Bucky saw two other cars pull up behind the second, grip tightening on the wheel.

“Fucking hell!” he spat.

He picked up the speed, but the pursuers were just as quick to act. Bucky needed a plan B, and he knew it was going to be a risk. Steve had to take the wheel.

“Steve take the wheel,” he spoke.

“What!” the blonde shrieked.

“Take the damn wheel!” Bucky roared.

Steve did, hands shaking as he stretched over the gear stick, feeling it jabbing into his ribs. He was so close to Bucky he could feel the warmth off of him. Before he could even process what was happening, Bucky was clambering out of the window as quick as he could.

“James!” he yelled.

“Keep driving!” Bucky bellowed.

The blonde managed to shift into the driver’s seat, palms clammy on the steering wheel. His eyes tried to search for Bucky, and he saw him eventually, perched on the roof like a crouching tiger. A crunching sound made Steve swerve a little from fright, causing Bucky to slide a little, until he dug his metal fingers into the roof of the car, legs hanging over the edge.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Steve chanted.

One of the cars rammed the back end of the car, Steve’s face smacking off the wheel as he cried out.

“Steve!” Bucky called.

“I’m okay!” Steve called back, with trails of blood running down from his nose.

Bucky hoisted himself back up and stood on the top of the car, standing up straight as he put all his weight down on the roof. His metal arm whirred and twisted as he held his gun up and fired. The pursuers fired back, but Bucky dodged the bullets at an unlikely speed. He pocketed his gun as he leapt from the car and into the bonnet of the car closest to him. Steve saw him in the rear view mirror and his jaw dropped in surprise.

“Oh my god,” he whispered.

The brunette smashed his metal arm through the windscreen, ripping the steering wheel off with great force. When the car spun, Bucky’s body flipped back, arm outstretching. His metal fingers clawed into the tarmac, breaking it apart as he skidded back on the road. His head snapped up, strays of hair falling over his face. He grabbed a small grenade from his pocket, throwing it harshly as it hurtled towards another car, sticking to the bottom of it. It detonated into bursts of yellow and orange, sending the car flying as it flipped. Bucky felt it  _‘whoosh’_  by him, his body swinging back to get out of the way. His eyes were contorted into an angered stare, the flames illuminating his face.

“Сволочи!” Bucky screamed.

Screeching echoed from up ahead as Bucky saw his car swerve, coming to halt suddenly. Yet another car had joined them coming out from the Manhattan side of the bridge. Bucky looked from left to right, pulling out a dagger and gun as the car to his right stopped. Several men stormed out of the car as Bucky cried out a raging yell and raced toward them. He was skillful and click with his killings, shooting some men and stabbing others in the throat. One man was slammed against their car as Bucky stabbed the blade into the shell of the car, before being dragged down to the end. Bucky punched his attacker, then swung himself around, kicking the enemy back. He tumbled and Bucky kicked him again, square on the chin, before putting a bullet between his eyes.

“Покойся с миром, свинья,”  _Rest in peace, pig_  he spat.

“JAMES!” Steve roared, voice filled with fear.

The blonde dodged an attack as he punched an attacker, making an attempt to grab the gun Bucky had given him. His attacker socked him on the jaw, sending Steve backwards as he fell. He yelped as a searing pain hit his leg, the man above him cutting a clean gash there. The blonde scrambled for his gun, screaming when his wrist was stomped on. Bucky heard the light, sickening crunch of bone as he bounded towards Steve. He ripped two blades from the sleeves, sending them flying through the air. Blood spewed from the enemy’s neck as he gargled on blood, not getting a chance to cry out. The brunette finished off the other men with ease, punching, kicking, stabbing and shooting as his body bent and flexed to avoid oncoming attacks.

He’d only gotten punched back once in return, pain pulsing up his chest from the hit, his breathing laboured. Silence fell, except for the burning car further down, the flames licking at the paint. Bucky spat blood from his mouth when he pulled off his mask as he fell against the empty parked car, bodies lying around him, his energy slipping from him also. Steve cowered on the the tarmac, eyes closed as he trembled violently. He clutched his fractured wrist to his chest, wincing in pain. Bucky staggered to the blonde, dropping to his knees as he helped Steve sit up.

“O-ow,” Steve whimpered.

“Steve, Steve? Oh god. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry...” he whispered, hoarsely, throwing his mask away.

Steve burst into tears as he fell against Bucky’s chest. His cries were a mix of fear, pain and shock as he tried to stop himself from shaking. The brunette wrapped his metal arm around Steve and held him close.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Bucky soothed.

The blonde choked back a sob as the weeps came out in short bursts, eyes screwed shut. He buried his face into Bucky’s chest, cries now muffled. There was a loud, rumbling noise above them as Bucky looked up, seeing a S.H.I.E.L.D helicopter flying over them. SUV’s pulled up to the scene and Bucky just knew he wasn’t going to be the most favoured person right now. Phil stepped out of one, concern and anger showing on his face. He may be demanding, but he cared for his agents. Part of him was filled with relief that Steve and Bucky were still very much alive. Steve was taken away from Bucky, still a quivering mess as he struggled in the agents grasps a little. Phil approached Bucky and removed his sunglasses from his face.

“You’re in the car with me,” he spoke, firmly.

* * *

“What the hell were you thinking Barnes!” Phil roared, hands slamming down on the desk in his office.

“Sir I-” Bucky paused.

“What? You were doing the right thing? You made us vulnerable by your actions tonight!” he yelled.

“Well at least Steve is still alive!” Bucky spat.

They were safe at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ now, Steve had been escorted to the medical bay and Bucky was escorted to Phil’s office. His wound still ached and he desperately wanted to get medical attention on it. Ward and Rumlow entered the room, followed by Maria who had a grave look on her face.

“Why the hell are these two here!” Bucky protested.

“Because they’re your escorts!” Phil snapped.

“My escorts? I don’t need one!” the brunette laughed, sarcastically.

“You will...you’ll be taken straight to your room after this and put in lockdown. I’ll send a doctor over to assess your injury. Ward and Rumlow will be making sure you make it there,” Phil explained.

Bucky saw the shit-eating grins on both the agents faces, his jaw clenching tightly. He would have been fine with any other escort, but not those two. He could feel a sickness in his stomach as they stared at him with their poker faces.

“Are we clear?” Phil asked.

“Understood Director,” Bucky mumbled.

“Good, you can go now. Hill, I need to speak with you so we can discuss probation,” Phil mused.

“Yes sir,” Maria answered.

Rumlow and Ward approached Bucky, taking him by the arms. The brunette shook them off and scowled at them.

“Don’t touch me. I’m not a prisoner, I can walk myself,” he spat.

They exited the room as Bucky was marched down the halls, Ward and Rumlow stealing glances at each other. Agents greeted Bucky with curt nod, receiving nothing in return. He couldn’t look at anybody, his stomach churned uneasily as they got closer to his room. They passed by the medical bay, but Bucky didn’t see any sign of Steve. His heart was hammering in his chest as he thought about what was to come. The brunette had been hiding this secret for months now. First it was only Ward, but now that he and Rumlow seemed to become a team, Bucky couldn’t imagine how much worse this would get. His eyes were glistening with tears that he tried so hard to fight back. When his room number came into view, he felt like he was going to faint.

Room Seventeen was a room full of good memories from when he and Steve shared it all those years ago. Now, it resembled a dark place that Bucky wanted to get out of. Moving into his new apartment made him feel safe, now that he was back here, he wanted to flee. Rumlow looked down each end of the hall, before nodding to Ward. Bucky braced himself. Ward grasped him by the scruff of his hair, making the brunette yelp as he was dragged into the room, legs flailing. The door closing behind them made bile rise to the brunette’s throat. He heard the lock click and he screwed his eyes shut, trembling on the floor. Rumlow yanked him up by the hair and glared down at him.

“It’s great to have you back here Bucky, we missed you,” he spoke.

“Fuck off,” Bucky growled.

The agent’s fist slammed into Bucky’s face, pain surging up his jaw to his cheekbone.

“It got pretty boring for a while,” Ward mused, circling around Bucky. “Told you that you wouldn’t be gone long, but you didn’t believe me,” he added.

Bucky’s hair was pulled tightly, head falling back as he breathed through his nose. He sounded like a feral animal, chest heaving unsteadily.

“I don’t think he missed us,” Rumlow commented.

“What a shame,” Ward laughed.

“Let go of me,” the brunette grunted.

He’d realized how tired he was of this happening. He was sick of the beatings. There was no reason for it to happen, Bucky never understood why they did it. But he was led to believe it was because of how Phil ranked him as one of their best, which left Ward and Rumlow in the shadows. Bucky cried out as he was pushed to the floor, Ward’s foot pressing onto his injured arm.

“STOP IT!” he screamed, almost animal like.

“Why would we do that when we’ve only just started?” Rumlow taunted, pulling the brunette up again.

His fist connected with Bucky’s head as he was sent backwards, vision blurring slightly. Bucky groaned as he tried to push himself back up. One of the agents foots stomped down on his back and he felt it twinge.

“Please, stop,” he pleaded.

Ward looked at Rumlow with a coy smirk at the broken man below them. He’d done this to Bucky after the sparring matches in the rec room became too boring. Nobody knew about what went on in Room Seventeen because it was quiet down that hallway and the walls were as thick as twenty layers of concrete. The clicking of a knife being flicked out made Bucky struggled against Ward’s foot. He managed to flip himself over but was hammered in the stomach, keening as he coughed harshly. Ward crouched down as he sliced a clean cut on the brunette’s cheek. Bucky winced as he kicked his leg out, knocking Rumlow over.

“Son of a bitch!” Rumlow yelled, nursing his hand.

“I’m tired of this!” Bucky screamed. “You can’t treat me like dirt just because you’re filled with greed and envy!” he continued. “I let you break me to the point where I actually wished I’d died when I fell from that cliff! I’m not your toy anymore!” he added, shifting to sit up.

Rumlow practically snarled at Bucky as he got back up and took the knife off Ward. He dropped down on Bucky’s waist, pinning him to the floor.

“Слезь с меня!”  _Get off me!_  he exclaimed, lifting his fist up to hit Rumlow again.

“Don’t even think about it!” Ward snapped, pinning Bucky’s metal arm down as Rumlow grasped the other.

The edge of the sharp blade was dragged down Bucky’s neck as he yelled, voice hoarse as he tried to get someone else’s attention. But he knew no one would come, he was trapped, again. Four more gashes were opened on Bucky’s sweat clad skin, his breathing laboured as tears stung in his eyes. Rumlow stood, wiping the blood on Bucky’s combat pants before handing it back to Ward. The pair smiled down at their apparent ‘good work’ as Bucky spat blood onto the floor.

“We’re not going to go so easy on you now Barnes. And don’t think you can protect Steve forever. He’ll find out about you one day and he’ll leave you because he can’t handle seeing your face. You’ll come back to where you belong. And Rumlow and I will just keep coming back to get you,” Ward whispered.

Bucky received one more hard blow to his stomach, leaving him quivering and coughing up more blood. The door slammed loudly behind him and Bucky lost it completely. He sobbed onto the cold concrete floor, his face, stomach and neck aching from the damage he took. His right arm cause him so much agony that he screamed out in pain as the tears streamed down his face. The brunette used what little strength he had left to lean up against his bed. His head fell back on the bed, eyes screwing shut as he gave out short gasps. A knock came at the door and Bucky couldn’t even manage a reply, but he tried.

“Come in,” he choked out, weakly.

The door opened and Bucky started to weep again when he saw Jemma Simmons appear in his room.

“Oh my god! Bucky!” she gasped, rushing to his side.

“Hey,” he rasped, swallowing down blood that ended up making him feel sick.

“They said you weren’t very injured,” she whispered.

Bucky laughed softly, a wince following after.

“I hid it all until I got here,” he breathed out.

“Oh Bucky,” Jemma soothed, smoothing her hand through the brunette’s hair. “Most of the medical staff are busy, so I said I’d clean you up,” she added.

“It’s so good to see you,” the brunette whispered.

Jemma smiled as she opened up a first aid kit and grabbed anti-bacterial wipes to clean Bucky’s cuts. They wouldn’t really be enough for everything else though. He hated lying to her, but he’d kept this secret for months now and didn’t want to cause more trouble, or be a burden on anyone. It would only be a matter of time before he cracked, sooner rather than later.

“I heard that Steve’s here. Well...all of us did. Coulson sent out messages to every agent. We got told to address you as James or Agent Barnes. I’d completely forgotten that Steve had been in an accident and suffered amnesia,” Simmons mused.

“He’s so heartbroken Jemma, it hurts. It hurts so much,” Bucky whimpered, eyes brimming with tears again.

“Hey, shh,” she hummed, pulling Bucky into her arms. “It’s alright, it’ll get fixed and you and Steve can be best friends again,” she issued.

“It’s not that easy,” Bucky sobbed. “He can hardly remember anything. He thinks I’m dead. And tonight he looked so confused, so frightened,” he added.

“We all get frightened Bucky,” Jemma replied.

Bucky fell silent as he rested his metal arm around her, his head resting on her shoulder. She was the only person in S.H.I.E.L.D HQ who could calm him down most of the time.

“I’m in so much pain,” he muttered.

“Come on, I’m taking you to the medical bay. You need more than cuts cleaned and I’m not experienced enough for that,” Simmons huffed.

She helped Bucky up as gently as she could, putting his arm around her shoulder.

“...’m not supposed to leave the room. I’m in lockdown,” the brunette drawled, suddenly feeling a little light headed.

“I can’t do anything else for you in that room,” Jemma sighed.

Bucky felt his body go weak, his vision blurring again as he stumbled slightly. The full brunt of what Rumlow and Ward had done to him was taking affect now. He didn’t know what was going on inside his body, he didn’t know the internal damage.

“Bucky?” Jemma spoke.

The brunette’s eyes suddenly rolled to the back of his head, his knees giving way. Jemma dropped to the floor with him to soften his fall, her eyes wide with worry.

“I need some help here quick!” she yelled, down the hall at some agents standing guard.

Meanwhile, in the medical bay, Steve sat up on a bed, watching his wrist being bandaged. It was only a small fracture, so the healing process wouldn’t take so long as it would if it were a severe fracture. The blonde was quiet, distant, his face blank and pale as he looked down at the ground. His head was aching and his leg was burning from the cut. But he hid all the pain away, he was so confused. Flashes of Bucky slaughtering their attackers blurred in his mind as he tried to push them away.

_“Someone is after you Steve. To kill you,”_

_“JAMES!”_

_“Steve, Steve? Oh god. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry...”_

_“Shh, it’s okay,”_

A single tear dropped down his face as he closed his eyes.

“Mr Rogers?” the doctor spoke.

“Yeah?” he whispered.

“Are you feeling well? Any nausea or anything?” the doctor questioned.

Steve shook his head, eyes opening slowly. Loud, demanding voices erupted down the hall as Steve looked up. Several agents raced down the hall, yelling something about an ‘agent down’ into their radios. The doctor frowned as he put a clip onto Steve’s bandage to hold it.

“An agent will take you down to Director Coulson’s office. I believe he needs a word,” he mused.

The blonde nodded as he was approached by an agent, her blonde curls falling just below her shoulders. He didn’t even know her name. She stood by Steve’s side as they went to the door.

“Get him onto the table now!” a voice yelled.

Steve saw a young brunette woman and several agents rush into the room, a limp body laying in their arms. Steve saw a familiar mop of brown hair and a metal arm, his gut churning. He definitely felt like he was going to be sick then.

“James,” he breathed out.

“Mr Rogers, we need to leave here,” the agent spoke.

Steve didn’t want to, not when he saw the brunette in that state, he didn’t look like that on the bridge. Part of him was still fuming, but most of it had washed away. Now Steve was simply lost. He followed the agent out of the room as they took a left down the hall.

“You didn’t tell me your name,” Steve replied.

The blonde smiled softly, still keeping her eyes ahead of her.

“My name is Lauren Henley, but you should address me as Agent Henley...or Agent Twenty One, whatever you like,” she informed.

“You have agent numbers?” Steve questioned.

“Yes, there are about forty agents in these headquarters, and more in other states,” Lauren answered.

“Which agent is number one?” the blonde asked, seeming extremely interested.

“It was Director Coulson, before he took over for Director Nick Fury. Now it’s Maria Hill,” she replied.

“And number two and three?” Steve continued.

“James Barnes is two now. He was three, but we lost our last agent who was number two. We don’t like to speak about it. Clint Barton is three and Agents Rumlow and Ward are four and five,” she explained.

“Sorry for your loss,” Steve murmured.

Henley just gave a small nod, she found it hard to remember that Steve wasn’t who he used to be. She’d never really spent much time back in those days with him. But she had heard of the inseparable duo of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. Steve bit his lip gently as they stopped outside a door. Henley swiped her card as the doors opened to a spacious room.

“Director, I have him,” she spoke.

Steve’s eyes fell on the older man and he frowned slightly, his face was somewhat familiar.

“Steve Rogers,” Phil greeted. “I’m Phil Coulson, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D,” he added, holding his hand out.

“Why am I here?” Steve queried, shaking Phil’s hand briefly.

“For your own protection Mr Rogers. While it’s not the wisest move Agent Barnes has made. You’re very safe here. But we can only keep you here for at least two nights. Then we will send you to a secret location,” he explained.

“Wait...so I can’t go home?” Steve asked.

“Not right now, we need to make sure you’ll be safe to go back there when we’ve gotten the all clear,” Phil mused.

Steve sighed as he shook his head.

“I have a job, I can’t stay here,” he protested.

“You’re still free to do your daily business. But Agent Barnes will be accompanying you everywhere,” Phil assured him.

The blonde scowled.

“That being said. Barnes will be put on probation and that will require another agent to make sure he does his job in the correct way. Not all the time, just from time to time. When we send you to the secret location, it will just be yourself and Barnes,” the older man issued.

“Great,” Steve huffed.

“Agent Ward will be his probation advisor,” he added.

Steve looked over to the right, seeing a tall man eyeing him casually. The blonde didn’t like the cold look on his face, it made him feel uneasy. And there was something about him that didn’t sit right.

“Sir, wait,” Steve spoke up.

“Please, call me Phil,” he replied.

“Phil, I’m not judging your agents. But I think James would be better off with one of your higher ranked agents. Higher than Agent Ward though,” Steve answered. “Barnes saved my life and I think he deserves someone he will be comfortable around,” he added.

“Did you have someone in mind? I don’t know how much Barnes told you about how we work around here,” Phil hummed.

“It was only a little bit from James. But Agent Henley informed me of the rankings,” Steve issued.

Agent Henley blushed a little from where she stood.

“I think Agent Barton would be better,” he continued.

Ward glared at Steve from where he stood, his knuckles cracking a little. Phil looked like he was deep in thought as he considered it.

“Barton does patrols most days. But I can fit this into his schedule,” Phil answered.

Steve let out a sigh of relief.

“Ward, inform Barton of his new role please. Agent Henley, would you take Mr Rogers to his temporary room,” he added.

“Yes sir. And Director, I think you’re needed in the medical bay. Agent Barnes collapsed while Miss Simmons took him to get medical attention,” Henley informed.

Phil’s face went from stern to concerned within seconds, his hands dropping the files he had picked up.

“I’ll go there when I’ve spoken to Agent Hill about some things. Thank you Agent Henley,” he replied.

Steve followed Lauren back out the door, his head held low as he avoided eye contact from other agents. He was concerned for Bucky, he seemed fine when they were done fighting on Brooklyn Bridge. It only led Steve to believe that something else was happening that Steve didn’t know about. His stomach churned and he suddenly found himself hunched over a crash can in the hallway, throwing up on an empty stomach. He owed Bucky his life, no matter how betrayed he felt.

* * *

Steve got a tour of the headquarters from a man named Leo Fitz. He could have sworn he’d heart his accent before, and his face was familiar also. It was like Steve’s brain was trying to tell him something. He’d shook it off as just shock as he made his way down to Room Seventeen. The blonde had heard that Bucky was out of the medical bay now and that he was going to get through the trauma on his body. Phil gave him permission to see the brunette, because Phil did have a heart, and didn’t like the distress on Steve’s face. He had to try and force himself not to smile like an idiot because Steve was there. Steve met Clint, Jemma and a few other agents. He passed by Rumlow and Ward at one point, feeling their eyes burn into his skull. And he knew from then on that he didn’t like them at all. He reached the door of Bucky’s room and went to knock on it, until he stopped short.

_“Goodnight Agents,”_

_He saw himself and Bucky outside that room._

_“Goodnight Fitz,”_

Steve’s head ached as he rested his palm on the door.  _Agent?_  he thought. His hand trembled as he balled it into a fist. What did these memories mean? Were they tricks? He knocked on the door and heard a quiet groan and the squeak of a bed. The lock clicked and the door opened slowly as Bucky stood in nothing but sweatpants. Steve’s face flared as he turned red, averting his gaze.  _Jesus Christ_  he thought.

“Steve?” Bucky spoke, hoarsely.

“Hi,” Steve replied.

Bucky’s stomach and chest displayed horrible bruises, his right arm was bandaged from shoulder to bicep and he had an ice pack held to his face. Steve tried to speak but he couldn’t, Bucky looked awful. He looked like he’d fallen off a train, hitting the harsh ground below.

“You didn’t have that much bruising when that chase stopped on the bridge,” Steve commented.

“You were too shaken to notice,” Bucky answered. “It’s no big deal,” he added,

“No big deal!” Steve exclaimed. “James we nearly died!” he hissed.

“Steve, keep your voice down, my head is already throbbing. Come inside before you draw attention,” Bucky offered.

Steve stepped inside, the door closing behind him as he heard music playing quietly in the room. It was Marvin Gaye’s ‘Trouble Man’ and the blonde smiled a little.

“I can turn it off,” Bucky mused, wincing as he moved the ice from his face.

“No, leave it, I don’t mind,” Steve replied.

“Okay,” Bucky answered, wandering to his bed.

He groaned as he sat down as carefully as he could. Steve eyed him with worry as he sat down on a chair across from the brunette. They remained quiet as Steve fiddled with the clip on his wrist.

“How’s your wrist?” Bucky asked.

“Fine,” Steve sighed.

Bucky nodded, more silence filling the air.

“Listen Steve, I’m sorry. I really am,” he whispered.

Steve looked down at his feet.

“I know...” he breathed out. “I still can’t believe you lied to me,” he added.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you in this way Steve, I swear,” Bucky croaked out.

“But you did,” Steve muttered. “You hurt me. But you also saved my life. And I owe you,” he continued.

“No, you don’t,” the brunette sighed. “I have something of yours,” he added.

Steve raised an eyebrow as Bucky reached for his bag. He pulled out the leather journal and held it out to Steve.

“You went through my underwear drawer!” he yelled, pure shock and disgust showing on his face.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures Steve,” the brunette huffed.

“You’re unbelievable!” the blonde growled. “Did you read it!” he roared.

“No! No, of course not. God Steve, that’s invasion of privacy,” Bucky replied. “Phil wanted it, to see if anything in it might connect us to who is out to kill you,” he explained.

“It’s mostly sketches. And things about Bucky, my emotions. He can have it, but I need to take some pages out. They’re really personal,” Steve spoke.

“That’s fine,” Bucky answered, looking away from Steve.

The blonde moved his chair closer, putting the journal down as he tilted his head. His hand came up to brush hair from Bucky’s face.  _Steve stop this_  he thought.

“Who did this to you?” he questioned, concern laced in his voice.

“It was those punks on the bridge,” Bucky mumbled.

“No it wasn’t. Your bruises and cuts are too fresh to be from earlier on. And don’t think I don’t see that faded blood smear on the floor. Or the look of horror and distance in your eyes when someone makes a sound. Now. Who. Did. This. Tell me,” Steve whispered, hand resting on Bucky’s cheek, running his thumb on the bandage.

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat, Steve’s touch was tender, too tender in fact.

“It doesn’t matter,” he hushed.

“Yes it does, James, it matters to me,” the blonde soothed.

He couldn’t hold back his sheer panic anymore. No matter how confused Steve was about all of this...Bucky seemed to be on his priority list.

“I-” Bucky paused.

His heart started beating irregularly as he bit his lip, tears welling up in his eyes. For what felt like years, Bucky Barnes crumbled and poured his heart out. He felt his chest tighten as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Ward and Rumlow,” he choked out, covering his mouth with his hand as he began to cry.

Steve immediately embraced him as gently as he could manage. Bucky’s fingers curled into Steve’s shirt as he broke down, muffled sobs emitting from his throat, as he wept into the blonde’s chest. It was like a replay of the bridge, except the roles were switched. Steve rested his head on Bucky’s hair, closing his eyes as tears slid down his cheeks.

“Don’t let them hurt me again,” Bucky gasped out. “For the love of god. Please...please don’t let them hurt me to the point where I can’t breathe,” he begged. “Today, I told them...that-” Bucky paused. “I told them I wished I’d died on one of my missions, just so they couldn’t hurt me anymore,” he added.

His body trembled and Steve suddenly let out a choked whine and a sob, as he held the brunette closer. Waves of emotion poured over them and Steve ran his hand softly down Bucky’s bare back. He let out a shaky breath and tried to stop the tears, but it was all too much. Bucky’s arms wrapped around Steve’s waist loosely and Steve cried harder, his tears falling onto his jeans as he looked down. For Bucky it was like the old S.H.I.E.L.D days, the days where they’d be thankful they were both alive. That’s exactly what it felt like. And Bucky didn’t know how much longer he could keep this secret.

* * *

As morning arrived, Bucky was well rested and the pain was only dull from his injuries. He remembered falling asleep after he’d poured his heart out to Steve. The blonde must have made sure that he was sleeping comfortably because the sheets were laying over him in a warm cocoon. Bucky pulled the zip up the front of his uniform, giving himself a once over in the mirror. His S.H.I.E.L.D uniform wasn’t the most comfortable thing, and it hugged his figure a lot, but it wasn’t exactly a bad sight. He fixed up his hair and gently peeled off the bandage on his cheek. Luckily, there wouldn’t be a scar, but the evidence was still there and Bucky felt that nauseating feeling again. He rushed to the sink in his small bathroom and lent over it, feeling himself heave, with nothing coming up. The noise made him gag more, before he found himself hanging over the toilet, throat burning from the sensation. He groaned as he stood up and washed his face, grabbing out toothpaste and a toothbrush to quickly brush his teeth. There was a knock on his door and Bucky stepped out of the bathroom, only to be faced by Ward.

“Morning,” he spoke.

Bucky paled.

“Breakfast is out for everybody,” he continued.

The brunette could only manage a nod. Ward grinned a sly smiled as he dropped his hand from the door.

“Love the new bruises,” he commented, stepping forward.

Bucky stepped back, his leg bumping the chair Steve had sat on last night. If anything, it was Ward he feared the most, because he had started the whole abuse and Rumlow was just an extra, a follower.

“Go away...” he whispered.

“No can do, gotta’ escort you to breakfast first,” Ward hummed, taking another step.

“Please,” Bucky breathed out, feeling tears fill his eyes.

Ward tilted the brunette’s head up, looking over the bruises and cuts, a smirk curving at the corner of his mouth.

“I think we did a pretty good job, Rumlow and I,” he mused.

Bucky blinked the tears back, he could practically feel Ward’s breath close to his face. He wished he didn’t feel so intimidated and scared by him. But Ward had pushed him to breaking point, he would give in sometimes, other times he’d fight back.

“Come on, you need to get some food in you. We’ll be making a quick stop by my room first,” Ward issued.

Bucky knew that meant more bruises if he went, bruises in places that could keep them hidden.

“That won’t be necessary Agent Ward,” a tough voice spoke.

The brunette felt relief wash over him as he saw Clint standing in the doorway. His face was stern and he had this glare that would make anybody sweat with nervousness.

“Agent Barton,” Ward replied.

“Thanks for not telling me I was Agent Barnes’ probation advisor by the way. That was sarcasm. Phil needs to see you in his office pronto,” Clint ordered.

Ward glowered at Clint, then looked back to Bucky, giving him another shit-eating smile to shove fear at him. Clint stared the agent down as he left the room, his face softening a little.

“Thank god you’re here,” Bucky whispered.

“Hmm?” the brunette hummed, fixing his hearing aid a little.

“Doesn’t matter. I thought Ward was going to be my advisor,” Bucky laughed.

“Well, thanks to Steve, you’ve got me checking up on you now and again. He said you’d probably feel comfortable with someone you know better,” Clint explained.

Bucky felt his heart skip a beat.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Clint answered, smirking at him. “He’s in the dining room right now actually,” he added.

“You say that like we’re fancy, it’s just the eating room,” Bucky chuckled.

“Come on then, I’m starving,” the brunette grumbled.

“Fine, fine let’s go,” he huffed.

Bucky closed and locked his room behind him, he didn’t want people sneaking into his room. Clint swung his arm around the brunette and gave him a friendly side hug before dropping his arm. They were silent for most of the journey to the room. Rumlow passed them at some point, knocking Bucky’s injured arm, causing him to groan as he held it back. This wasn’t what he wanted to come back to. The sooner he got out, the better. The eating room wasn’t very busy, some agents would be sleeping after doing patrols for most of the night and others had work to get done immediately. When they walked in, all eyes fell on Bucky as he cringed.

“Bu-ow! I-I mean James!” Fitz called.

“Fitz!” Bucky yelled, a smile crossing his face.

“It’s great to see you,” Fitz replied.

The pair shared a quick hug as Jemma wandered over with a plate in her hand.

“She kicked me, did you see it?” Fitz grumbled,

“You nearly yelled out Bucky, we aren’t allowed to,” she sighed.

“Right, right. Sorry Jemma,” he answered, his Scottish accent broadening a little.

“Speaking of Steve, where is he?” Bucky questioned.

“Over there, all on his wee lonesome. I better get back to work. I’ll see you later,” the younger man mused.

The brunette nodded as he searched the room for Steve, clocking him right up in the far corner. He was digging into some food and reading the newspaper. Bucky felt guilty that Steve looked a little out of place. He parted ways with Clint and wandered over to the food trays, picking up a few slices of toast with butter and an apple juice. Steve tilted his head up, his eyes falling on Bucky as he stood up, trying to finish chewing the strawberry he had. Bucky laughed a little and waved at him to sit down, he didn’t want to have everyone’s eyes on him again. The blonde stared up at Bucky, who sat down beside him, smiling slightly.

“Morning,” he hummed.

“Morning,” Bucky replied.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked.

“Better. I owe you a thanks. You got rid of Ward as my probation advisor and asked for Clint to do it instead,” he brunette commented, biting into his toast.

“Like I’d let Ward near you again,” Steve hissed, fingers gripping the newspaper tighter.

“Hey,” Bucky soothed. “Calm down,” he added.

“Um...” Steve mumbled, feeling a blush creep up his neck. “J-James,” he stammered, looking down.

Bucky hadn’t realized his hand had aimlessly fell on the blonde’s thigh, fingers resting over his knee. The brunette flinched as he yanked his hand away, cheeks going crimson.

“говно,”  _Shit_  he whispered. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s fine...” Steve answered, biting his lip absently.

He had to tell Bucky about the whole scenario with Tony. Because he would be going to Stark Industries with Steve and that meant he’d have to get introduced to Tony. His leg twitched nervously under the table as he flipped a page on the newspaper. The force was too much and it tore right up the middle, Steve’s eyes widening.

“Steve, are you okay?” Bucky soothed,

“James I-” Steve paused. “I need to talk to you,” he continued. “In private,” he added.

“This is private enough isn’t it?” the brunette asked.

Steve shrugged.

“Oh for the love of-” Bucky paused, standing up.

He grabbed the blonde’s wrist and discreetly hurried around a corner of the room, letting go of Steve’s wrist, his hand lingering for a moment. They were awkwardly close in the small space and Steve screamed at himself to keep it together. Being squished in a small area with a good looking man wasn’t something he experienced everyday.  _Good looking man...fuck Steve, stop_  he thought.

“Spit it out,” Bucky breathed out.

“I told Tony that I was seeing someone new. And he wants to meet him, and I don’t think it’s such a good idea,” Steve replied.

Bucky felt an odd sinking feeling in his chest.

“Just let them meet? It can’t be that bad,” he mused.

“But it is because I was going to make someone up but that would have failed. So I...told him a real person, who is in my life, at this present moment,” the blonde murmured.

“Did you tell him Thor or Sam?” Bucky laughed.

“No,” Steve whispered. “You...” he added.

The brunette’s eyes widened as he gawked at Steve.

“Me?” he spoke.

“Yes...I mean, Thor wouldn’t agree with this. Sam wouldn’t either. They really don’t like Tony, at all, and never came to parties Tony held when I was with him. And well, I didn’t have anyone else to think of...I just thought you because you’re a pretty relaxed guy and you’d be calm and Tony would be so jealous because he’d look at you and think, fuck what a beautiful man,” Steve replied.

Bucky’s stomach turned into knots, his cheeks suddenly going rosy.  _Christ Steve don’t_  he thought. Steve had told Tony they were dating and now Tony wanted to meet him.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck_  he thought.

“I-” Bucky stopped.

“I can tell him we called it off,” Steve whispered.

“No!” Bucky protested, a little too quickly. “I mean, no...don’t do that. If this is to prove that you’re over Tony and you want him to get off your case...then I guess I can pretend for a little while,” he issued.

He was going to be his best friend’s pretend boyfriend, or in Steve’s case, his weird bodyguard boyfriend from across the hall. Steve’s heart flipped.  _Oh god_  he thought.

“But, what if Phil finds out? Aren’t you supposed to call me sir and all this other crap?” the blonde questioned.

“We won’t tell Phil. It’ll be fine. You just need to tell me what I can and can’t do,” Bucky answered.

Steve nodded.

“Okay...I’ll tell you on our way to Stark Industries,” he sighed, with relief and slight worry.

“Go get dressed. I’ll come get you in twenty. Don’t worry about me, Clint’s going to walk me back, let’s just keep the talk last night between you and I. Please?” the brunette pleaded.

“You need to tell someone soon. But, my lips are sealed. Anything for you. And thank you again James, thank you so much,” the blonde breathed out.

“Don’t mention it,” he crooned, smiling softly.

As Steve turned and left for his room, he couldn’t help but wonder why the brunette was alright with doing this for him. He also couldn’t understand the abnormal and overwhelming feeling in his chest when he looked at Bucky, his eyes drowning in the blue-grey that stared right back at him. Something was changing, something inside that Steve had felt once before...but with someone else, someone he had lost.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Praise Clint for being an intimidating man and getting Ward to leave. I probably made Ward really creepy, I'm sorry. I'm looking forward to the 'pretend boyfriend' thing. There's going to be a part that I've thought about that literally made me scream with feels but I was thinking, no, nope I won't rush this, I'll make it a slow burn. There will be more drama though, always drama with me.


	6. Chapter Five - Don't Pull That Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm standing on a stage. Of fear and self doubt.” - My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter with full blown angst and sadness. And Tony being a jealous ass...or so Steve and Bucky think. The pain still stays. It’s a little happy at the end I suppose.
> 
> Also I've made a sort of trailer for this story. It's not my best I'm not really good with these things. But I wanted to use the Age of Ultron trailer song for it. So here's the link, check it out if you'd like...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSCeIgqgFyM

“I used to go out to parties. And stand around. 'Cause I was too nervous. To really get down. And my body yearned to be free!” Steve sang loudly.

Bucky and Steve had left S.H.I.E.L.D as soon as they were ready. They decided to walk, because Stark Industries was only a few streets down. Steve was singing along to ‘Got To Give It Up’ by Marvin Gaye, dancing every now and again. Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle as he walked close by Steve. He found it hard not to tell Phil that he was going to be Steve’s apparent ‘new lover’. The thought gave him that strange feeling in his chest and stomach again. But he always shook it off and pushed it to the back of his mind.

“Hey,” Steve spoke, nudging the brunette’s arm. “You in there?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry,” Bucky replied.

“Listen, when we get there, there’s security and they’ll probably be a bit fussy. I’ll let them know you’re with me, so don’t worry too much,” Steve explained.

“Okay, anything else?” Bucky questioned.

“Tony’s a pain, he’ll try to intimidate you. He’ll probably try and absently flirt with me, just y’know, tell him to back off. You’re allowed to talk to me when I’m not talking to Tony or working. And, well I guess, show affection, but that’s up to you. You’ll probably want to keep your bodyguard type stuff up anyway,” the blonde laughed.

“It’ll be fine. Don’t panic,” the brunette soothed.

Steve smiled softly, looking away as he bit his lip a little.

“Do I at least get to walk into the office holding your hand?” Steve questioned, jokingly.

Bucky laughed.

“I suppose so, whatever makes you feel comfortable,” he answered.

Inside he was screaming, he couldn’t believe he was going through with this. He couldn’t believe he was pretending and that he was being closer with Steve than he ever had been. It only made Bucky hate himself more for being a liar, he really did hate lying to Steve. With how he’d seen Steve when he told him about S.H.I.E.L.D and then when he told him about Ward and Rumlow, he didn’t know how Steve would react if he found out that his best friend was still alive and kicking. The brunette didn’t want to think about it, it pained him enough to hear Steve cry or see the sad look in his eyes.

“We’re here,” Steve informed.

Bucky looked up ahead and saw the towering building come into view. He saw the security guards inside and scoffed to himself, they’d have nothing on him. They pushed through the giant glass doors as the two security guards turned their attention on them.

“Mr Rogers,” the tallest one, with brunette hair spoke.

“Good morning,” Steve replied.

“Who’s this?” the other, with greying hair asked.

“James Barnes, he’s with me,” Steve answered.

“Does he have a key card or a pass?” the brunette questioned.

“No,” Steve sighed, frowning slightly.

“We can’t let him in then I’m afraid,” he issued.

“Sir, I’m with S.H.I.E.L.D and Steve Rogers is under my charge and I can’t let him go to his office if I am not there to watch over him,” Bucky spoke, pulling out his badge. “You better step aside,” he added.

The older guard’s eyes widened as little as he looked at the badge. Steve tried to hide his smirk.

“Let them through,” he ordered.

The brunette guard stepped to the left as Bucky and Steve walked through. Steve walked them to the elevator, calling it down as he sighed with relief,

“How did you manage that?” he asked.

“S.H.I.E.L.D kind of has a higher power over your guys,” Bucky replied.

Steve chuckled.

“That’s funny because Tony thinks his security are the best he’s got,” he mused.

Bucky scoffed.

“I’m the best you’ve got,” he hummed.

The blonde felt a bit of a blush cross his cheeks. He was still thinking about how he was feeling. Steve knew he’d felt it before, he just couldn’t put his finger on it at that moment. He really hated having memory loss. Everyday he prayed that he would remember something important.

“Which floor, sir?” Bucky teased, smirking a little.

“The thirty fourth,” Steve chuckled, stepping into the elevator.

Bucky nodded as he pressed the button and stood beside Steve, his hands clasped behind his back. He stole a glance at Steve, a small smile curving at the corner of his mouth.

“I like what you’re wearing,” he commented, lightly nudging Steve.

“Oh...thanks I-” Steve paused, feeling his throat go dry.

The brunette chuckled to himself.

“I like your uniform. Very um...fitting,” Steve retorted, biting down on his tongue.

Bucky blushed scarlet red as he laughed nervously, hanging his head as his hair fell over his face.

“It ain’t as comfortable as it looks,” he mused.

“Clearly not,” Steve whispered, a little too close to Bucky’s ear.

 _Fuck, cut it out Buck you always get so flustered_ Bucky thought. Steve grinned as the elevator stopped. He only did it to try and spur Bucky on so that he’d act natural in front of Tony. As they stepped out, Steve’s nerves got the better of him and he felt himself grow a little tense. Bucky didn’t even have to look, he just knew. His metal hand brushed against Steve’s, before he laced his fingers with the blonde’s. Steve looked down, his cheeks still staying a little pink.

“You did ask if you could hold my hand while we walked in,” the brunette spoke.

“So I did,” Steve replied.

They stopped outside the door at the end of the hall as Steve grabbed out his key card.

“Does he have a key card?” Bucky mocked, imitating the security guard downstairs.

Steve laughed, swiping the card over a scanner.

“Mr Rogers, good morning,” a tinny voice spoke.

“Morning JARVIS,” Steve answered.

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly.

“Tony invented this AI system that he has hooked up in most of the rooms. It’s the same at his house too. JARVIS is pretty handy sometimes,” Steve explained.

“Right,” the brunette breathed out.

“Is this your guest sir?” the AI asked.

“It is, this is James Barnes,” the blonde mused.

“Welcome Mr Barnes,” JARVIS greeted.

“Thank you,” Bucky answered, still a little stunned.

“Mr Stark is already inside,” the AI informed.

“Thanks,” Steve hummed.

He opened the door to the spacious office, hand still clasped with Bucky’s. Tony sat at a desk, feet propped up on the top as he sifted through mountains of paperwork. His gaze fell on Steve and Bucky, his brow raising slightly.

“Morning Steve,” he spoke.

“Hey,” the blonde answered.

“Who’s this?” the brunette asked.

“James Barnes, sir,” Bucky greeted.

Tony nodded slightly.

“Steve when I said I should meet James, I didn’t say bring him to work,” he issued.

“Too bad, because he has to stay here,” Steve replied, letting go of Bucky’s hand as the brunette stayed put.

“Stay? Why?” Tony questioned.

“I’m Steve’s personal bodyguard sir. I’m with S.H.I.E.L.D,” Bucky informed.

“S.H.I.E.L.D? Why does Steve need a bodyguard from them?” the brunette laughed.

“Because someone is out to kill me Tony. Next question,” the blonde bit back, putting his bag on his desk.

“Kill you! Why didn’t you say anything to me!” Tony protested.

“Because I only found out two days ago and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it!” Steve spat.

“You know that you should call me when something like this happens!” Tony yelled, standing up from his chair.

“Why do I need to now when I have James, where he’s trained in dealing with these situations?” Steve mused.

“So what, James is your across the hall bodyguard boyfriend and that makes him an expert. Wow Steve, I didn’t think you’d go so low, he lives a dangerous life and you choose to date him?” Tony snapped.

“Mr Stark!” Bucky barked, his metal hand clenching behind his back. “Please. What happens between Steve and I, it stays outside of your work time. I believe you do have work to do yes?” he added.

Tony glanced at Bucky, before looking back at Steve.

“Yes,” he muttered.

“Then by all means, do it. I’ll stay here, you won’t have to acknowledge me,” Bucky soothed.

Steve looked up to glower at Tony. He hated when he got so demanding and uptight.

“Fine,” the brunette answered, throwing his hands up. “Fine,” he grumbled.

Bucky nodded firmly as he stood by the door, hands behind his back. Tony sat back down at his desk, running his hands down his face. Steve wandered around to his chair, opening the laptop on his desk.

“What are the figures today?” he asked.

“Up thirty percent,” Tony replied, looking over at Steve.

“That’s good then, we’re making progress,” the blonde crooned.

“All thanks to you,” Tony commented.

Steve smiled a little.

“By the way...we have a work function tomorrow night. I need you there,” the older man mused. “You can bring lover boy with you too,” he added, bitterly.

“James’ probation advisor will need to come too. He’s making sure James does his job, after a little incident the other day. And I’m bringing Natasha too,” Steve replied.

“The more the merrier, just invite all your friends why don’t you,” Tony huffed.

The blonde chuckled a little and looked over at Tony. It sent a spark of jealousy through Bucky and he scowled.  _Enough_  he thought.

“So James, tell me how you and Stevie met,” Tony purred softly.

Bucky tensed slightly. Only he had ever called Steve by that name, and hearing Tony say it made his blood boil.

“It’s nothing special. We met in the elevator once, he invited me over for dinner, we got talking. Next thing I know, I’m on my knees begging him to be mine,” he explained.

Steve tried to hide his laughter.

“Oh boy did he beg,” the blonde chuckled.

Tony laughed sarcastically, his brows knitting together as he stared at the two. Bucky sent Steve a sly wink and the blonde actually blushed as red as he could get.  _What the hell Steve?_  he thought.

“Sounds like a great first encounter,” Tony murmured, shifting in his chair again. “Anyway, Steve, how’s the presentation for next week’s meeting going?” he questioned.

“Great, come have a look,” Steve answered.

Bucky eyed Tony as he wandered to Steve’s desk and stood behind him, leaning over slightly. His eyes narrowed and burned into Tony’s skull, but he averted his gaze for a moment. Tony was already beginning to piss him off, and Bucky didn’t like it at all. He was also curious as to how the function would go. There were questions left unsaid.

* * *

_“James, where are we going?” Steve asked._

_“We’re going up on the roof,” Bucky replied._

_“But only patrol agents are allowed up here,” the blonde mumbled._

_“Don’t worry, I got the okay from Clint. He’s the only one up there,” Bucky chuckled._

_The pair walked into a caged pen with strong wire fastened to each corner. Bucky pressed a button as it lurched and Steve stumbled a little._

_“Easy there Steve,” Bucky crooned, his arm falling around Steve’s waist._

_Steve flushed bright red as he looked back at the brunette._

_“You have gorgeous eyes, y’know,” Bucky commented._

_“I-” Steve paused, lips parting slightly._

_Bucky grinned and took it as an invitation. He moved closer, his lips coming up close to Steve’s._

_“James,” Steve whispered._

_“Steve,” the brunette purred._

Steve jolted from his sleep, sweat sliding down his forehead as he looked around his room. He’d completely forgotten that after work he’d come back to S.H.I.E.L.D and gone straight to bed. He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. His mind swam with the thoughts of the dream he was just having. The blonde swung his legs over the bed and wandered into the small bathroom. He ran the cold water and hung his head over the sink as he splashed the water over his face. A pain shot through his head as he gasped, gripping the edge of the sink. He saw yet another memory playing in his mind.

_“Agent Rogers, we haven’t had contact from Bucky in over five hours. I’d prepare for the worst,” Phil spoke._

_“No, no you can’t give up like that! He’s alive! He’ll be okay!” Steve yelled._

_“We don’t know what’s happening Rogers. His earpiece cut out before we could establish a location,” Phil replied._

_“Sir, you always said we never give up hope on our team mates! And that’s what I’m doing! I’m holding onto the hope that Bucky is okay!” Steve roared._

_“Director!” an agent called._

_Steve followed Phil as they came out of their S.H.I.E.L.D camp and to the clearing of the forest. The blonde’s eyes widened when he saw a figure staggering up the hill. His entire body was damp and he had a few cuts and bruises here and there._

_“Bucky!” Steve exclaimed._

_The brunette looked up and a sense of relief crossed his face as he smiled. Steve ran, he ran for his friend as Bucky fell to his knees from exhaustion._

_“Bucky, oh god. Thank god you’re alive,” Steve whispered, dropping down in front of Bucky._

_They embraced as Bucky laughed happily, tears rolling down his cheeks as he sunk into the warmth of the blonde. Steve couldn’t hold back his tears as he held the brunette tighter. He never would give up hope._

_“I hope you didn’t do anything stupid while I was away,” Bucky chuckled._

_“How could I?” Steve questioned. “You took all the stupid with you,” Steve laughed._

_“You’re a punk,” the brunette huffed._

_“Jerk,” the blonde retorted._

Steve screamed as he smashed his fist on the mirror, hearing it crack, but not shatter. His chest heaved as he dropped to his knees, still clinging onto the sink. He felt sick, his head was pounding, feeling like it would implode and he couldn’t hold back the tears that threatened to spill. The blonde couldn’t wrap his head around the whole memory. He’d seen Phil, and he and Bucky were in S.H.I.E.L.D uniform. Steve was also being called ‘Agent Rogers’ and it made his head hurt more just thinking about it. He wanted answers, he wanted to talk to Phil. A knock at his door tore him away from the pain in his head as he stood up. He grabbed a shirt and put it on, the headache now receding. When he opened the door, his body froze along with his jaw clenching tightly.

“Ward,” he spat.

“Mr Rogers,” Ward replied, nodding a little.

“What the hell do you want?” Steve asked.

“I came to ask you a question. But feel free to not answer it,” Ward issued.

“Go on,” Steve sighed.

“Do you want to find out about what you and Bucky used to do?” he questioned.

“I think I can manage on my own,” the blonde muttered.

“We have everything here at S.H.I.E.L.D. All the documents, video footage. It might put an end to your suffering,” the agent spoke.

“I’d still suffer. Why should I trust you?” Steve asked.

He wanted to speak up about what Ward had been doing to Bucky, but he couldn’t. They swore to keep it quiet.

“You don’t have to trust me. You just have to follow me there, and I can give you every answer you need,” Ward explained.

Steve felt hesitation flow through his body, but his curiosity was an even stronger force. He really wanted to know what he’d done in his past life.

“What time is it?” he queried.

“Seven, dinner won’t be out until eight,” Ward answered.

Steve turned back and put on his shoes, before turning back to face Ward.

“Lead the way,” he spoke.

Ward nodded with a small smile as he stepped out of the room, Steve close behind. He’d left his bedroom door wide open, because it seemed to have slipped his mind. They were quiet the whole way and Steve wanted to keep it that way. Ward still gave him the absolute chills and there was no way that he was going to trust him any time soon, if not ever. They stopped outside a heavily sealed door and Ward waved his badge over a sensor.

“Agent Grant Ward, confirmed,” a voice spoke.

“After you,” he mused.

“Thanks,” Steve answered coldly, stepping inside.

The room was filled with expensive leather chairs that sat around a large rounded table. It was dim lit as Ward walked over to the table and flicked a switch.

“This room is only used for important purposes. Agent deaths, solo mission debriefings and agent data,” the agent spoke. “We spent about eight hours in here after we lost Bucky,” he continued, lying completely through his teeth.

“So Bucky was in S.H.I.E.L.D?” Steve asked.

Ward nodded.

“I didn’t-” he paused. “I didn’t know. Well...I can’t remember,” the blonde sighed.

“I’m going to show you everything,” Ward mused.

Steve could only nod as Ward touched buttons on the screen of the table, blue screens coming up in front of them. Pictures showed of Steve’s S.H.I.E.L.D details, he looked younger then. The blonde scanned his eyes over it carefully. It was true, he used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D, the memories were correct. He swallowed the lump in his throat as images of himself and Bucky came up. His eyes welled up as they passed by, the pair of them laughing, smiling and doing everything together.

“Y’know, I see Bucky in James sometimes, I see it in his eyes. It’s nice most of the time, because it gives me closure,” Steve whispered.

“I bet,” Ward replied, bluntly.

Next there were videos and it only pained Steve more to watch them with misty eyes.

_“Bucky and Steve were inseparable. You could see it in their eyes that they adored each other. When Rogers left we didn’t see that glint in Bucky’s eyes anymore. He lost his best friend that day...and I think that’s when he lost himself,”_

Steve felt his heart break, he recognized Phil’s voice over the videos. He couldn’t believe all these agents had to keep a straight face for him. The videos continued and Steve saw ones of the pair in action. He managed a smile as he saw how well they worked as a team. It made his heart swell again.

_“Bucky is...he’s amazing. If someone asked me to get paired with another agent, I wouldn’t want to. Bucky’s all I need in a team partner. I don’t know what I’d do without him,”_

The blonde wiped tears from his eyes as a video played of himself, they were obviously personal agent camera diaries. He’d said he wouldn’t know what to do without Bucky, yet he left him.  _I’m so sorry Bucky_ he thought. He remembered it now, it’s as if it all slid back into the right place. Steve couldn’t help the choked laugh that left his throat. He remembered...he was so happy.

“You okay there?” Ward asked.

“Yeah, I’m just...remembering important things,” Steve answered.

“He meant that much to you huh?” he questioned.

Steve nodded.

“Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,” he whispered.

All the videos disappeared back into the file and Steve saw another appear from another folder. There was no title to it and it made Steve’s smile fall.

“What’s this?” he asked.

Ward said nothing as he let it play. Steve’s eyes focused on the screen, too engrossed to see the agent shift into the shadows. Ward left the room and closed the door behind him, a smirk crossing his lips. He sauntered down the hallway, passing the rec room on the way by. Bucky was in there with Fitz and Clint, playing poker, their gazes falling on the agent. Clint frowned at Ward and Bucky glanced at him briefly. When Ward disappeared from view, something happened that sent HQ into a frenzy. The heart breaking and gut churning scream was so loud it echoed down every hall that was nearest to the room.

“Steve,” Bucky breathed out.

Cards went flying into the air as Bucky bolted from his chairs. He was still slightly aching from the injuries he had, but he couldn’t stop himself from running. His arms and legs burned as he forced all his energy out to reach Steve.

“STEVE!” he roared.

The screams continued and Bucky stood outside one of the meeting rooms. He slammed his metal hand on the door, panic crossing his face.

“Steve!” he yelled.

He didn’t have his badge on him, so he hacked the system, it was something that Steve had taught him long ago. When the door opened, he saw the screen on full view, and Steve on the floor, hands grasped in his hair as he sobbed hysterically. On the screen was the photographs of his ‘dead’ body. He was only knocked unconscious then from the fall, but it didn’t appear like that to Steve. Bucky looked dead and he was battered and bruised, his arm mangled beyond repair.

“Steve hey, hey! Look at me!” he exclaimed, cupping the blonde’s face in his hands when he dropped down to Steve’s side.

The blonde blinked back tears as he looked at the brunette. His blue-grey eyes only reminded him of his ‘deceased’ friend and it frightened him then.

“Get away from me!” he screamed, shoving Bucky’s hands away.

“Steve calm down, it’s okay,” Bucky soothed.

“It’s not okay! Don’t touch me! Leave me alone!” the blonde roared, scrambling to his feet.

“Steve don’t you dare run away!” Bucky shouted, racing after him.

Steve ran and ran until he found the exit from S.H.I.E.L.D, the door slamming loudly behind him. Bucky couldn’t go on anymore, he stopped as he hunched over, gasping for breath as footsteps thudded behind him.

“Agent Barnes!” Phil called.

Bucky stood up straight, his eyes pooling with fresh tears. The look on Steve’s face had torn open a new hole in his heart. Ward stood beside Phil, Rumlow close behind. Clint and Fitz had caught up also. His gaze fell on Ward, who had a small smirk in the corner of his mouth, for Bucky it made him enraged. The brunette ran at Ward, knocking him over as his metal hand wrapped tightly around his neck.

“What did you do to him!” he yelled. “You did something to make him run!” he screamed.

Ward choked as he grabbed at Bucky’s wrist.

“Agent Barnes! Let go now!” Phil ordered.

But Bucky disobeyed, his grip only grew stronger on Ward’s neck. Rumlow stepped in, kicking Bucky hard on the head, knocking him off Ward, leaving the brunette unconscious when he hit the floor.

“Rumlow!” Phil barked.

Clint’s hand gripped on Rumlow’s arm as he turned him around and socked him on the jaw.

“Hill I need back up pronto! We’ve got an outbreak of violence!” Phil exclaimed.

“Hey, easy Barton, easy,” Fitz whispered, holding Clint back.

“Don’t ever lay a finger on Bucky you hear me!” Clint spat, glaring straight at Rumlow.

“Fitz take him away!” Phil demanded.

At that moment, agents raced down the hallway, guns held firmly in their hands. Phil looked at them and held his hands up to them.

“Guns down agents!” he commanded.

“Get Rumlow and Ward back to their room, lock the door from the outside and stand guard. I’ll take Barnes to his room,” he spoke.

An agent helped Phil with Bucky as they started walking down the hall. Bucky let out a small groan, but still remained completely out of it. It wasn’t like Bucky to have sudden outbursts against another agent. Phil grew worried that something might be happening that he didnt know about. He had to go and find Steve himself.

* * *

Phil had eventually found Steve at 3am on top of S.H.I.E.L.D HQ where several agents were patrolling. He didn’t bother asking him how he got there or why he was there. Phil didn’t exactly want to upset Steve any further than he already was. Steve asked a whole bunch of questions and the older man answered them all truthfully. No matter how hard he tried to keep things from Steve, he couldn’t. The only thing left sealed shut was Bucky. Steve was still adjusting to the fact that he worked for S.H.I.E.L.D at some point in his life. Ward was lectured for over an hour and a half by Maria, Phil couldn’t even look at him for doing what he did to Steve. The files were private, and Ward broke those boundaries.

He’d only made Steve more vulnerable now that he knew things. It still didn’t put his mind at ease with the pictures Steve had seen. Bucky had to still be kept a secret. And Phil thought that maybe he should send Bucky and Steve to the secret location sooner than they intended. He wandered down the hall, keeping his eye out for Room Seventeen. Phil had been stressing about Bucky all morning, wondering if he had woken up yet. The kick to the head that Rumlow had dealt him was pretty hard. Phil would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t care for his agents like family. He found the room and stood outside it for a moment, wondering if he should go in or not. But he stopped short when he heard quiet sobs and Bucky’s soft voice speaking to himself.

“Make it stop. Please, make it stop. I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” he whispered.

Phil’s heart sunk.

“I just want my best friend back,” Bucky continued.

Phil knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Bucky replied.

There was movement from inside and Phil knew Bucky would probably be fixing himself up so he could hide away his feelings. He pushed opened the door and saw Bucky sitting on the bed, staring down at a picture in his hands.

“Hi,” Phil spoke.

Bucky looked up.

“Hello sir,” he answered.

Phil waved his hand in a sweeping motion as he sat down on the chair.

“Call me Phil for now,” he mused.

“Okay, Phil,” the brunette sighed.

“What’s that?” Phil asked, eyeing the photograph with curiosity.

“Old photograph of Steve and I from the S.H.I.E.L.D days. It was lying on the floor of Steve’s apartment when I first went there. I shouldn’t have taken it,” Bucky explained.

“I’m so sorry Bucky, I know how hard this must be for you,” the older man soothed.

“It’s torture,” Bucky breathed out.

“I know,” Phil whispered, his eyes looking over Bucky’s fading bruises.

“Bucky,” he spoke, leaning forward a little. “Is there anything you need to tell me? Anything troubling you or anything that doesn’t sit right?” he asked.

Bucky shook his head.

“Everything is fine,” he mumbled.

Phil didn’t want to pressure him anymore, he’d know sometime soon, so he simply nodded in understanding. Bucky held out a leather journal to him and looked at him with a sad smile.

“Steve’s journal,” he spoke. “But he took a few pages out. They’re very personal,” he added.

“Thank you,” Phil answered, taking the journal in his hands, before standing up. “Steve is in the gym, the old one, he wanted a quiet place when I found him and brought him back. You can go see him,” he added.

“But I’m on lockdown,” the brunette muttered.

Phil stopped at the door and turned around. His eyes locked with Bucky’s and the younger man could see how tired he was.

“Ward and Rumlow are locked and guarded in their room. I think what Steve needs right now is you. Because you’re all he has at this present moment. You can tell him about his time in S.H.I.E.L.D. Just, don’t talk about well...you, obviously. I know it’s hurting him, but we still need him to be kept safe. We can’t have him running off again if he finds out that you’re still alive,” he issued.

“Sir, whatever happened to not pursuing a friendship with him?” Bucky queried.

“That still stays. I still want you addressing him as sir. I still need you to do your job and guard him. If you pull on that thread, the one he hands onto so tightly, you’ll put his life in danger. I wish it were easier Bucky, but Steve just can’t know,” he explained.

“Not ever?” the brunette choked out, feeling his eyes well up.

“Not yet...” Phil replied, disappearing from the room.

 _Not yet?_ Bucky thought. A brief smile crossed his face as the tears fell. There was a sense of hope in him now, some reassurance. Steve can’t know yet but he could do in the future. It made Bucky’s heart pulse with a gentle _‘da-dum’_  sound as he picked up the photograph again. His metal thumb traced the strong outline of Steve’s jaw, before he stopped himself and looked away.  _Jesus Barnes_  he thought.

_“Y’know what Buck, we should buy a house in the city and live in it, just us,”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Really, I mean...why not? If we wanna’ go on dates and get married to someone then let’s leave that for when we’re in our late thirties. I kind of just want to spend all the time I can with my best pal,”_

_“Alright, whatever you say Stevie,”_

The brunette smiled softly as he thought back to that talk. That was at least five months before Steve left S.H.I.E.L.D for good. He sighed and hid the photograph away as he stood up. His hair was tied back and he dressed in simple combat pants, his boots and a black tank. Bucky left the room discreetly, shutting the door quietly as he took off down the left hall.

_“On your left!”_

Bucky grinned. Steve was always yelling that when they went jogging. He missed that, he missed everything. His feet took him in the direction of the old gym as he jogged down some stairs. He could hear the rattle of a chain and heavy pants close by. Steve always seemed to overwork when he was angry, stressed or upset. Bucky pushed the door open quietly as he stepped in, walking by all the old equipment. It hardly got used anymore since the new one got finished. His gaze fell on the old boxing ring, he and Steve used to use that a lot. The brunette accidentally bumped his hip on some weights, hearing them  _‘clunk’_  as they fell over. Steve’s fist slammed into the punching bag before he stopped, the noise echoing in the room.

“James?” he breathed out, sharply.

“Sir,” Bucky answered, remembering what Phil had said about addressing Steve.

Steve smirked a little.

“Still calling me that huh?” he asked.

“It’s my duty to,” Bucky replied.

The younger man walked over to the blonde, his metal hand coming to rest on his back. Steve tensed a little, but felt every wave of emotion he had tried to take out on the punching bag hit him like a bullet train. He hung his head as he let out a shaky breath.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered.

The blonde suddenly choked out a sob as his hands fell over his face. Bucky wrapped his arms tightly around Steve, forgetting Phil’s orders yet again, as he soothed Steve. He collapsed to the floor and Bucky went down with him, still holding him comfortingly. Steve was leaning back against Bucky’s chest, one hand held over his eyes, the other grasping onto Bucky’s metal wrist. The brunette rested his head on the back of Steve’s as he felt fresh tears in the corners of his eyes. He wouldn’t cry, not again.

“It’s okay Steve,” Bucky soothed.

Steve cried harder as he trembled, grip tightening on the brunette’s wrist.

“I miss him so much!” he sobbed.

“Shh, I know. I know,” the brunette answered.

“Please...” the blonde whispered. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me like everybody else does,” he choked out.

Bucky felt his grip tighten on Steve. It hurt to hear those words. It always hurt to see Steve cry when he should be smiling.

“I won’t. I promise, I’m right here,” he replied.

Steve managed a weak smile.

“I won’t leave you again...” Bucky whispered, out of earshot from Steve.

Why did it have to be so painful? Why did Steve have to hurt to the point where he couldn’t stay happy for even five minutes? Bucky just wanted to see Steve happy again. He’d give up anything for it. He’d give his life for Steve if he got the chance again.

* * *

Elegant, was the best way to describe how Tony Stark’s functions were presented. He had a property in Manhattan that had a large enough room to be used for the occasion. A band sat by the open doors of the room as the cool night breeze flowed around the space. They were playing anything from classic rock, to blues, to jazz and also classical. As long as the guests enjoyed it, that’s all Tony loved. The media were situated outside, Tony treated it like a red carpet event, but that’s what happens when he’s a world class business man. Cameras flashed as guests arrived in pairs or groups. Men dressed in suave suits while women dressed in glamorous evening gowns. The room itself was beautiful, decorated with cream colours and splashes of red, gold and black here and there. Waiters weaved through guests with finesse to offer champagne, scotch or other delicious beverages. Small platters of food were laying out on tables for anyone who felt peckish. Tony had everything well organized, he always did.

A sleek sports car pulled up to the curb as the main host stepped out. The cameras flashed brighter as Tony gave a small wave and a smile, buttoning one button on his suit jacket. He stuck with a plain and simple black and white tuxedo, a black bowtie tied under the collar. The brunette handed his keys to one of his security team, before taking the walk up the red carpet he had asked to be rolled out. He posed for the cameras, some photographers left confused as to why Tony Stark was walking in alone. They’d all at least heard of his relationship with Steve, before the break up of course, but they never knew that. Once he had disappeared inside, a black SUV pulled up. Bucky and Steve were inside, with Clint up front in the driver’s seat. Steve was remaining utterly calm, while Bucky sat bouncing his leg up and down nervously.

“Hey,” Steve spoke. “It’ll be fine. Just be yourself, act natural,” he added.

Bucky didn’t know how he could go through with this. But he had to...for Steve. He was never good at pretend when it came to things like this. He’d have to wing it if he had any chance of keeping Stark’s suspicions at bay.

“Time to hope out boys. I’ll park the car and see you inside,” Clint issued.

“Right,” Bucky breathed out. “Let’s go,” he added.

“Hold on,” Steve interjected, his hand come up as his fingers tucked a strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. “All good to go,” he chuckled, his touch still lingering.

The brunette couldn’t really refrain from the flip that happened in his chest as they opened the door. More cameras were at it again as Steve moved in front, Bucky closing the door behind them. He was dressed in his S.H.I.E.L.D suit which was simply black and white with a black tie. But Steve had complimented it with a boutonnière of a red rose on the lapel of Bucky’s suit, just to add a lick of colour. Steve went all out and dressed in his favourite crimson red suit with a black shirt and crimson red bowtie.

Bucky thought he looked fantastic, and he had his hair combed to one side, just how Bucky liked it. The blonde rested his hand on the small of Bucky’s back as he gave the photographers his best smile. Bucky managed his natural smile and he was beginning to feel himself relax slightly. They stopped at the middle of the carpet as Steve’s arm wrapped around Bucky’s waist and held him close. The brunette felt that strange sensation again as he smiled for the camera, his arm circling around Steve, giving his waist a gentle squeeze. Steve grinned, leaning close to Bucky’s ear, his eyelids dipping a little.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he whispered.

“Sir...” Bucky answered, lips moving into a smile as the photographers captured the moment.

The blonde didn’t know if he did that to settle the brunette down, or if he actually meant what he said. Hell, he actually meant it, his ‘date’ for the evening looked breathtaking and Steve couldn’t exactly take his eyes off him. It was wrong, so wrong feeling like that towards and agent of S.H.I.E.L.D who had a dangerous job and was only there to protect Steve until the threat was over. But lately he couldn’t hold it all together.

“Come on, we’re missing a good party,” Bucky chuckled, pulling Steve from his thoughts as he offered Steve his arm.

Steve smiled, looping his arm with Bucky’s as they started ascending up the stairs. They saw Clint handing bags to some security guards by the east wing of the estate. Tony had insisted that the pair stay the night, offering them a room. Bucky had to calm Steve and tell him he would gladly sleep on the floor with his sleeping bag, because he had done it more than once before. A few other guests would be staying, they just didn’t know who. Once they were inside, Bucky grabbed the nearest drink and downed it in one swift tip back of his head.

“James, shit, slow down. I don’t want to have to be the one to drag you all the way back to the room,” Steve commented.

“Sorry, I just really needed one,” the brunette replied.

Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed two glasses of champagne as he handed one to Bucky. They clinked their glasses together, exchanging a smile as they looked around the room.

“Steve!” a voice called.

The blonde turned his head to the right, spotting Tony walking towards them. His arm immediately went around Bucky’s waist, grip tight which nearly caused him to spill his champagne.

“Relax Steve,” he soothed.

“Hey Tony,” Steve answered.

“Glad you two could make it,” Tony replied, smiling kindly.

“Thanks for inviting us,” Bucky chimed.

“Love the suit Steve,” the brunette mused, patting the blonde on the chest. “You don’t do so bad yourself James,” he added.

Bucky couldn’t stop the scowl that crossed his face.

“Thanks, you too,” Steve chuckled.

“So, I gave you two the best room in the house. Very nice, has a small balcony out the side in case you want to watch the sunrise in the morning. The bed is already made and there are fresh sheets for y’know...in case you two um-” he paused, waving his hand a little with a smirk.

Bucky blushed furiously and Steve laughed nervously.

“I don’t think so, Bucky’s off duty for a few hours, we had a little too much fun last night. Right sugar?” he hummed, lightly tapping Bucky on the rear.

The brunette discreetly elbowed Steve in the ribs, making him groan a little.

“You’re so funny honey,” Bucky chuckled, through his clenched teeth.

“Right. Well I’m off to mingle. Have fun,” Tony mused, slipping into a crowd of people after grabbing a scotch.

Bucky moved away from Steve slightly as he glared at him.

“Don’t ever do that again,” he hissed.

“Too much?” Steve asked.

“Uh yeah!” Bucky snapped, brows knitting together.

Steve’s eyes fell on Tony who was standing at a doorway talking to an elderly couple. His eyes were fixed on Steve and the blonde swallowed the lump in his throat. He had his arm back around Bucky again, pulling him flush against him.

“I thought we discussed boundaries, sir,” Bucky growled.

“Tony’s watching,” Steve whispered.

His forehead lightly fell against Bucky’s and the brunette felt the air getting kicked out of his lungs. Steve was so close, close enough to secure the distance between them. Bucky tried to drown the thoughts away, but it didn’t stop the quick beat of his heart.

“Is he still looking?” the brunette questioned.

“Yeah, his eyes are just glued to me,” Steve replied.

“Tell me a joke, or something really funny,” Bucky whispered.

Steve lent down and whispered something completely ridiculous and random into Bucky’s ear, hoping it would work. He let out a loud laugh, pulling back from Steve as he slapped his hand on his left pec. The blonde couldn’t help but laugh also as he held onto Bucky, looking at Tony from the corner of his eye. Bucky’s laugh was as natural as it could get.

“He’s not looking now,” Steve mused.

“Thank god,” Bucky answered. “He’s like an eagle waiting for its prey,” he added.

They both stayed where they were and Steve had a soft smile on his lips.

“Uh James?” he spoke.

“Mmm?” Bucky hummed, taking a sip of champagne.

“I-” Steve paused, feeling the brunette’s hand brush his and then lock it together with his own. “Nevermind,” he whispered, feeling a tingle shoot up his spine.

Bucky simply smiled, it wasn’t everyday in his life he got to act. He took another sip of champagne and saw a red headed woman approaching them, some familiar faces close behind her. He stepped back from Steve, who raised an eyebrow before his gaze followed Bucky’s.

“Natasha!” he exclaimed.

“Hey you!” she chuckled, swinging her arms around Steve’s neck.

“You look amazing,” the blonde commented, eyes scanning over the emerald green dress Natasha was wearing.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she hummed, before pulling back.

“Oh, god where are my manners. Natasha this is James,” Steve issued, smiling at the brunette.

“Hi there,” Natasha crooned, holding her hand out to Bucky with a smile.

“Ma’am,” Bucky replied, kissing her hand softly.

“And he’s a gentleman,” she gasped, smiling wider.

The brunette smiled back, but couldn’t help but feel that Natasha’s eyes were studying him with curiosity and suspicion.

“And you’ve already met Thor and Sam,” Steve continued.

“Hello James!” Thor boomed.

“Hey Thor, Sam,” he replied.

Sam nodded with a smile.

“And this is Loki,” Steve issued, pointing to the raven haired man.

“Yes, we have met Steve,” Loki spoke.

“Are you kidding me! James, how many of my friends have you met!” the blonde joked.

“Enough to know you surround yourself with great people,” Bucky answered.

“Aw,” Natasha gushed. “I like him,” she added.

Bucky’s eyes caught Tony’s and he felt his muscles tense up.

“Steve, Tony’s watching us again,” the brunette breathed out.

Natasha smiled that knowing smile as Steve gave Bucky some more ‘pretend’ affection the brunette smiling on cue when Steve kissed his temple lightly.

“Woah, woah. When did you two happen?” Sam asked.

“Never,” Bucky laughed.

Steve’s smile faltered a little.

“We’re putting on a show, we’re making Tony jealous,” the brunette continued, playing with a strand of Steve’s hair as he briefly glanced at Tony with a smirk.

“Damn, you play pretend well,” Sam chuckled.

Bucky shrugged sheepishly.

“Finally I found you!” a voice cheered.

Clint came into view as he stopped beside Steve and Natasha.

“Everyone, meet Clint Barton. Clint, this is Sam Wilson, Thor Odinson, Loki Laufeyson and Natasha Romanov,” Bucky spoke, formally.

“Gentlemen,” Clint answered. “Miss Romanov,” he added.

“Mr Barton,” Natasha chimed. “Can I interest you in a drink and a dance maybe?” she asked.

The brunette looked over at Bucky who gave him a small nod and a smirk.

“Go wild kid,” he mused.

“Yeah, he’s gone. He’s like a lovesick puppy already,” Steve interjected, watching the pair disappear to the room where all the dancing was taking place.

“I believe they are a perfect match,” Thor spoke. “Like yourself and James,” the blonde continued.

“Just pretend Thor,” Steve laughed.

“Yeah, sure,” Sam scoffed, smirking a little.

Steve could only shake his head at his friend, his gaze looking all around the room. He didn’t know half of the people there, only some that he’d met while he was dating Tony. The blonde couldn’t see Tony anywhere and it put a bit of relief into his mind. But, he was near the pair as he conversed with a buyer. He saw a waiter walk by and ‘accidentally’ bumped into them, which caused them to bump into Steve, making the blonde lose his balance. His champagne fell to the floor, but Bucky’s reflexes were quicker than a leopard. The brunette’s right hand grabbed Steve’s arm, his metal hand taking the weight from Steve’s back. Steve’s eyes were wide as he stared up at Bucky, seeing the distressed look in his eyes.

“Are you okay there sir?” he questioned.

Sam nudged Thor and smirked, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Y-yeah, I just...” Steve paused.

 _Fuck, he’s so close_  Steve thought.

“I lost my balance, someone bumped into me,” he continued.

“I have never seen someone grab another person that quickly before,” Sam breathed out.

Bucky pulled Steve back up and fixed his bow tie, his metal hand still resting on his back, his right hand smoothing down Steve’s chest, unintentionally.

“Thank you,” Steve whispered.

The brunette smiled.

“Dance with me?” the blonde asked.

“What?” Bucky replied, eyes widening slightly.

“You still owe me that dance, sugar,” Steve hummed.

He held his hand out to the brunette, eyes locking with his. Bucky stared at him for a while, before he gladly took his hand. They weaved through people to get to the room where they could see Natasha and Clint dancing together.

“Ten bucks says they’re secretly dating,” Sam mused.

“Ten bucks says they are not, you heard what they said,” Thor replied.

Sam smiled.

“Deal,” he answered.

Steve led Bucky into the middle of the newly polished wooden floor, turning around to face his dance partner. The song that was just playing faded out as a new one started. It started with a piano, slow and beautiful. Steve put his right hand on Bucky’s lower back, his left hand slowly clasping the brunette’s metal hand. They began to dance with a bit of a sway, some vocals coming into the song.

_My body is a cage_   
_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_   
_But my mind holds the key_

_My body is a cage_   
_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_   
_But my mind holds the key_

Their eyes met and Bucky nor Steve could tear their gazes away.

_I'm standing on a stage_   
_Of fear and self doubt_   
_It's a hollow play_   
_But they'll clap anyway_

_My body is a cage_   
_That keeps me from dancing with the one I love_   
_But my mind holds the key_

They moved slowly in a circle as Steve smiled slightly, his eyes tired but aware of their well timed movements.

“You’re a good dancer,” he soothed.

“Learning from the best,” Bucky crooned.

_My mind holds the key_

_I'm living in an age_   
_That calls darkness light_   
_Though my language is dead_   
_Still the shapes fill my head_

The blonde smiled as he felt the beats of the music, feet moving gracefully as he spun Bucky out, then brought him back in. Bucky couldn’t do anything other than smile widely.

_I'm living in an age_   
_Whose name I don't know_   
_Though the fear keeps me moving_   
_Still my heart beats so slow_

Then the song faded slightly, the singer looking ready to sing again. Steve’s eyes grew intense at the sudden change.

_My body is a..._

The tempo intensified as Steve and Bucky were suddenly spinning in larger circles. Steve kept his eyes fixed on Bucky and the brunette felt a chill jolt up his spine. Their feet were in perfect sync, spinning and gracefully marching to the violin melodies. Bucky hadn’t danced like this before, nor had he with such intensity, it was new to him. They had also drawn a crowd from the opposite room. Then the beat slowed, a woodwind instrument blowing out a soft tune. Steve’s arm extended as he spun Bucky on his own, once...twice...three times, before bringing him back in close.

_My body is a cage!_

Violins began again to the tune of the first melody, strong and thrilling. Steve had Bucky spinning again, hands tighter on each other’s. They were like two dragonflies dancing on water. The brunette’s heart was racing in his chest as he felt Steve press closer, blue eyes piercing into his. Guests were silent as they watched the dance unfold. The vocalist gave out one harmonic high note to reach the songs peak. At that point, Steve dipped Bucky slowly, hearing him gasp sharply. Their mouths were close, so close they could feel each other’s breaths lingering on their lips. Bucky could only hear his beating heart in his ears as Steve’s lips parted slightly. But the moment fleeted when Steve brought Bucky back up.

_My body is a cage_   
_We take what we're given_   
_Just because you've forgotten_   
_That don't mean you're forgiven_

_I'm living in an age_   
_That screams my name at night_   
_But when I get to the doorway_   
_There's no one in sight_

The pair started dancing slowly again, and Bucky had to drop his head before tears started. He couldn’t start feeling like this. An unknown force was pushing him toward something he couldn’t and shouldn’t have.

_I'm living in an age_   
_They laugh when I'm dancing with the one I love_   
_But my mind holds the key_

_You're standing next to me_   
_My mind holds the key_

Steve lent his head next to Bucky’s and sang to him.

“Set my spirit free...” he whispered, in a mellow tone.

_Set my spirit free_   
_Set my body free_   
_Set my body free_

_Free..._

Tears slid down Bucky’s cheeks as his grip on Steve loosened, the song fading to its end. The whole room was in an uproar at the pair and their picturesque dancing. Steve smiled as he looked around them, before his eyes fell on Bucky. His smile dropped as he saw a stray tear running down the brunette’s cheek.

“Hey, are you alright?” he questioned, with worry, tilting Bucky’s head up.

“Fine,” Bucky choked out, pushing Steve’s hand away lightly. “I need to go to the bathroom and I need air,” he added.

“I’ll come with you,” the blonde soothed.

“No!” Bucky hissed. “No...stay here. I’ll be back soon,” he whispered.

Natasha was immediately at Steve’s side as Bucky made a quick exit. He vanished into a group of guests and Steve lost complete sight of him. This dull ache in his chest tightened and he bit his lip as he let out a shaky breath.  _This isn’t happening_  he thought. His gaze was caught by Tony, who had a slight smug grin on his face. He raised his glass as if to congratulate Steve on a great dance. But really, it was more of a token to himself for a triumphant victory.

* * *

When the function had come to an end, Steve didn’t see Bucky for the rest of the night. He’d searched for him, but found nothing. So he spent the rest of the party talking with Natasha when he could, or he sulked in the corner. Tony came by at one point, asking him where ‘lover boy’ was. Steve lied and said the brunette had an important call from work. But Bucky had been watching Steve, he had to. He stuck to the shadows, but he drank a few scotches along the way. Phil had contacted him at some point to check up on things. Bucky informed him that they would be back at S.H.I.E.L.D around noon, maybe a little later. Clint and Natasha had hit it off immediately and Bucky smiled to himself. Every time Steve would pass near him, he saw the saddened look in the blonde’s eyes. It hurt Bucky to be like this, but sometimes he had to take himself away from some situations.

_“Come on Bucky! It’ll be fun!”_

_“Steve we can’t!”_

_“Yes we can! We live a dangerous life already, let’s make it reckless!”_

_“We’ll get in trouble by Phil,”_

_“Please Bucky,”_

That was the night he and Steve snuck off to a Metallica concert together. They had managed to make it back without anyone noticing that they were gone. Those were the good days. Bucky was doing a sweep of the premises with Clint once most of the guests had left. Tony was still lingering around with a few. The brunette met Clint back at the opening of the dance room. His head hurt whenever he looked at it, the memories of those few hours ago still tainting his mind.

“Bucky,” Clint spoke softly.

The brunette turned to face his friend and workmate, smiling a little.

“Hey,” he replied.

“What happened earlier? You just took off and left Steve on the dancefloor,” Clint issued.

“It’s nothing. I needed air,” Bucky sighed.

“Are you sure? It looked like more than that,” the brunette answered.

“I’m fine,” Bucky mumbled.

“You were crying Bucky. I saw you. There’s something that you’re hiding,” Clint muttered.

“Stop implying what I think you’re implying. It’s not like that!” the brunette snapped.

“Easy,” Clint soothed. “I get it. Not like that. But maybe Steve doesn’t see it that way,” he added.

Bucky laughed weakly.

“Steve, interested in me? Don’t go there Barton. We were strictly best friends, we always have been. Even if it were that way I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be James to Steve when I’m actually Bucky. Think of how disgusted he’d feel,” he sighed.

_“You’re such a liar,”_

He shook the voice away and turned away from the room.

“You better go. Looks like you have a lady to take home,” he mused, glancing at Natasha who was talking to Tony.

“I can’t take the SUV, you and Steve need it,” Clint replied.

“Bring it back around noon. I’m sure Phil will ask you to come back and watch me anyway,” Bucky huffed.

“Suddenly I’m the mother duck,” the brunette grumbled.

“Quack quack,” Bucky joked.

Clint laughed.

“Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” he hummed, patting Bucky on the back.

They parted ways and Bucky wandered into the main entrance hall of the house. It was like a maze it was that big. He passed by Tony who smirked at him, earning an eye roll from Bucky.

“Where’s our room?” he asked.

“Upstairs, go left, last room on your left,” Tony replied.

_“On your left,”_

“Thanks,” Bucky chimed, sarcastically as he jogged up the staircase.

He was aching a little from all that dancing, all the spins and dips he had done. His eyes scanned the walls, half of the pictures being of Tony, a select few being of friends.

“Such a vain prick,” Bucky scoffed.

The hallway was long and Bucky couldn’t believe how huge the estate was. When he reached the end door on his left, he pulled the band from his hair and let his hair fall down. He opened the door and stepped inside, closing it quietly behind him. The room was huge and Bucky found himself looking at every aspect of it. There was a king size bed and a couch at the end of it. Bucky sighed in relief because the couch looked comfortable, he wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor. It had a vintage feel to it, kind of like and old bar and lounge from the forties or something. The curtains were drawn and the brunette could see Steve’s silhouette outside. He sighed as he slid his suit jacket off and hung it over a chair, rolling the sleeves up on his shirt. Steve turned his head when he heard the glass door sliding open.

“Where did you go?” he asked.

“Needed some air. And Phil called me,” Bucky replied.

“Right,” Steve answered, turning back to look at the city.

Bucky’s gaze fell on Manhattan before him, it was stunning.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Steve questioned, his eyes somehow finding Bucky’s.

“Yeah...have to say, I’m impressed with this whole place,” the brunette mused.

“Tony is a big spender,” Steve chuckled.

Bucky laughed as he rested his hands on the railing. Steve’s hand aimlessly rested on Bucky’s metal one. The brunette felt the weight, their fingers lacing together.  _Stop, now_  Bucky thought. Their eyes were on each other again, Steve’s blue eyes bright against the city lights. Bucky felt his heart rate quickening yet again. Steve lent forward slightly, his eyelids dipping afterwards. _Just kiss him!_  he thought.  _No don’t kiss him you idiot, you’ll ruin everything, he doesn’t feel that way! You only had eyes for one man, and only him!_  Steve’s inner demon screamed in his head.

“We should sleep,” he spoke abruptly, distancing himself from Bucky, hand slipping free.

The blonde disappeared inside and Bucky’s jaw clenched as he gripped the railing. It creaked at the force of his left arm, a dent forming on it. Bucky stepped back, looking down at his hands as they trembled. He never used to get so angry. The brunette turned his back to the view of Manhattan as he wandered back inside the room. He closed the door behind him, seeing Steve already stripped down to his briefs.  _Fucking hell_  he thought, averting his gaze. Steve climbed into the bed and left a pillow at the end for Bucky, a blanket also as he flicked the light off and curled under the sheets. Bucky stripped off in the dark, the lights on his arms blinking in the darkness, with only a thin strip of moonlight hitting his skin. Steve stared for a moment, before looking away. It was too quiet, Bucky hated it. He settled himself on the couch, pulling the blanket over himself as he put his head on the pillow.

“Goodnight,” Steve whispered.

“Goodnight, sir,” Bucky answered.

Steve yawned quietly, his head hitting the pillow lazily as he hummed. Bucky still lay wide awake, staring up at nothing. But the silence broke when he heard a weak sob coming from the bed.  _Shit, he’s thinking about what Ward showed him_  Bucky thought. All thoughts of how wrong this would be left his mind as he got up from the couch. Bucky didn’t give a damn when friends were in a distressed mood. He knelt on the bed, staying on top of the warm sheets. His arm wrapped comfortingly around Steve’s waist, his body laying into the curve of the blonde’s body. Steve was aware of his presence, only just, but he wanted Bucky to stay. He didn’t know what was happening with his feelings, but he’d felt them with Bucky...once. The brunette had the decency to stay above the sheets, Steve let it comfort him.

“Till’ the end of the line, pal,” Bucky breathed out.

But not enough for Steve to here. Not enough to pull on that tangled string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing the dancing scene, I kept picturing it in my head and it was lovely. Next chapter Steve is going to find something of Bucky's that's going to make him confess something to Natasha. Bucky's going to have to think hard on whether he'll keep this professional or not. There will be a lot of strain. And especially since Bucky and Steve will be staying in a secret location somewhere, just them most of the time.


	7. Chapter Six - He Loved Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am crazy in love with you, I cannot control myself” - Crazy In Love - Kadebostany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More feels in this chapter. And more behind the Bucky/Ward drama. Then Steve finds out something that tears him apart. But then Bucky and Steve do something very, very bad. There’s smut near the end, just prior warning.

Bucky woke early the next morning so that he could hide all the evidence of ever being in bed with Steve. He’d done another check of the grounds while everybody else still slept. Steve slept like a log once Bucky had comforted him last night. The brunette knew that it was wrong, but his kind side screamed at him to try and help Steve. Phil had been in contact with him, asking for a debrief of the previous night. Bucky told him, yet left out all the details about how close he and Steve seemed to have become. He kept telling himself it was wrong and he tried his best to distance himself from Steve as much as possible that morning. The blonde was still asleep in bed while Bucky sat out on the balcony with a steaming hot cup of coffee. Bucky had hardly slept that night, but as long as Steve did, he was okay with it. He stared out at the view before him, taking it all in as he tried to wake himself up. The other reason for Bucky’s lack of sleep was because of the nightmares that taunted him. Mostly it was the ones of Steve leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. Then there was Rumlow and Ward. Bucky’s hand trembled as he clasped the mug tighter, closing his eyes slowly.

_“Steve isn’t here to have your back now,”_

_“We know he was your little boyfriend, toy...whatever you saw in him,”_

_“It wasn’t like that!”_

_“Keep telling yourself that Barnes. It’s not that hard to spot an obvious man in love,”_

His eyes flew open as he took in a sharp breath, his eyes moist with tears. Rumlow and Ward could read him like a book. He had loved Steve...once. But after he left S.H.I.E.L.D, the brunette found something to hate. When love and hate collided, Bucky decided to wipe away any traces of his feelings for Steve. Even now he was somewhat glad that Steve turned away from something toxic. He still found it difficult to not get those feelings back after he saw Steve again. Bucky couldn’t imagine the hurt that Steve would have to go through when he knew he was still alive. It would tear them apart, just like it had once before. Bucky knew it had all started when Steve used to embrace him in his arms when he became sick. Or when they lost an agent that they both got along with. Steve was always there to pick Bucky back up. From then on Bucky slowly began to feel for Steve in a different light. Now he simply denied it.

_“You’re all I need Steve,”_

_“Buck, that’s cheesy,”_

Steve would laugh at Bucky’s confessions sometimes. He used to blame it on the brunette’s drowsy state. Bucky felt the urge to scream at him, tell him he meant it. The brunette stood from his chair as he wandered back inside, placing the coffee by the TV. Steve stirred, turning so his back faced Bucky’s. He opened his eyes slowly, yawning loudly.

“Good morning,” Bucky spoke.

The blonde sat up suddenly, his eyes falling on Bucky.

“Morning,” he replied.

“Did you sleep okay?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah I-” he paused.

Steve could have sworn he felt Bucky slide onto the bed with him last night and comfort him. The blonde pushed the thought away.  _Why the hell would he do that? James what the fuck are you doing to me?_  he thought.

“Nevermind,” he added.

Bucky eyed him with curious eyes, before he looked away. Steve’s eyes aimlessly travelled down the open sweater he had on, his muscles rolling at every breath he took. He looked away with a small blush, holding the sheets closer to himself.

“Steve I-” Bucky sighed. “I’m sorry for running off last night,” he added.

“It’s fine,” Steve answered.

The brunette went to speak again, before a loud knock at the door alerted them both.

“Who is it?” Steve called.

“Me,” a voice replied.

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Who the fuck is me?” he asked, sarcastically.

“Tony,” he mused.

The blonde tensed as he looked over at Bucky, who eyed him too.

“Get over here,” he ordered.

“What?” Bucky questioned.

“Just get in the bed!” Steve hissed.

“Everything okay in there?” Tony asked.

“Just a second!” Steve exclaimed.

He waved his hand at Bucky frantically, gesturing him to the bed. Bucky looked confused as he threw his arms up in protest.

“Get under the fucking sheets James! Don’t ask questions just do it!” Steve snapped.

Bucky grunted as he pulled his sweater off and threw it to the side. Steve felt the heat rise in his cheeks again as Bucky sauntered over.  _Phil would kill me if he knew I was doing this_  Bucky thought. He positioned himself comfortably on the bed as he felt Steve’s arm loop around his waist. The brunette felt his heart stutter as Steve’s gentle hand rested against his chest.

“Come in,” Steve issued. “Act natural,” he whispered, to Bucky.

The door opened as Tony stepped in, dressed in some casual clothing, hands resting in his pockets. His eyes widened slightly when he saw the pair huddled close in bed. Bucky’s metal fingers ran across Steve’s knuckles as he put on his best smile.

“I didn’t know I was interrupting something,” Tony spoke.

“You didn’t, we just woke up,” Bucky answered.

“It was a good sleep too,” Steve added.

He planted a soft kiss to Bucky’s temple, sending the brunette’s heart into overdrive. Bucky scolded himself for being ridiculous and Tony noticed the quick change in Bucky’s facial expression before it turned back to the previous one. Tony felt like there was something more to what was going on between the pair. He wasn’t exactly convinced.

“You two are hilarious y’know that.” he laughed.

“Excuse me?” Steve replied.

“Do you think I didn’t notice? Your fake little relationship? What were you trying to do Steve, make me jealous?” the brunette continued.

_Shit_  Steve thought.

“If you think Steve is lying then you must have had trust issues with him for a while,” Bucky commented.

Tony glowered at the brunette.

“Prove it,” he threatened. “Prove to me that you two are the real deal,” he added.

“Like hell we will!” Bucky yelled. “We don’t need to prove anything to you!” he spat.

“James...” Steve whispered.

Bucky turned his head to stare up at Steve, his eyes meeting the blonde’s. It happened all too quickly, too quick for Bucky. Before he could process with what was happening, Steve’s lips melded into his. His best friend was  _kissing_  him, not lousily either,  _no_ , Steve was really kissing him with a great passion. The blonde’s fingers were curled into Bucky’s hair, the brunette’s metal hand clamped around Steve’s wrist. His brain imploded in on itself, sending Bucky’s emotions running wild. Anger, sadness, guilt and fear, all at once tore him up inside. He gently pushed Steve away, trying to swallow air as he looked at the blonde in horror. Bucky couldn’t believe that it had happened. He’d kissed Steve as James and not as Bucky. Well, Steve kissed him, Bucky refrained from kissing back. Phil would lecture him into oblivion if he saw that scene unfolding. Steve’s gaze fell back on Tony’s as he glared at him, his hand sliding back down to Bucky’s chest.

“Proof enough for you?” he queried.

“I-yeah...sorry,” Tony wavered. “Um, breakfast is downstairs when you want it,” he whispered.

The brunette retreated quickly, like a dog with its tail between its legs. Steve sighed with relief as Bucky pushed himself away. He slammed his fist down on Steve’s chest, winding him slightly. The brunette turned as he grabbed Steve’s face between his metal hand, rough and uncaring as he growled at the blonde.

“Don’t fucking do that again, do you hear me? We have boundaries, sir,” Bucky snapped. “Understand!” he yelled.

Steve nodded slowly.

“Good,” Bucky hissed, letting go of Steve’s face.

He groaned as he rubbed his jaw and cheeks, watching Bucky scramble out of bed. An overwhelming sense of guilt and disgust washed over Steve. He felt guilt for overstepping the boundary, and he felt disgusted in himself for doing something to Bucky that he didn’t ask for. It felt like rejection and the blonde felt tears sting at his eyes. If anything, Steve thought that he was beginning to get to know Bucky on a more personal level. It would be different if he actually knew that James was Bucky, and Bucky was James, a good way to be confusing. The brunette seemed to fill the gaping hole in his heart. His eyes fell on Bucky who was pulling out his S.H.I.E.L.D uniform, his face expressionless.

“James...” Steve choked out, trying to hold his tears back.

“Get dressed sir, we’ll be eating breakfast then leaving. We have things to do,” Bucky replied, bitterly.

Steve sat further up on the bed, legs hanging over the edge as he looked at the ground.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Bucky froze, his eyes still set on his uniform, breathing shallow. He hated the tone in Steve’s voice, it cracked whenever he spoke. And Bucky just knew he had upset him in a way. His eyes moved to his metal hand as he stared at it, turning it and balling it into a tight fist. He’d nearly hurt Steve with that hand. What have I done? he thought. The brunette dropped his uniform as he walked back over to Steve.

“Steve, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, reaching out to the blonde.

Steve flinched and moved back, keeping his eyes off Bucky.

“Don’t touch me...” he wavered.

He didn’t want to be consoled or have sympathy put on him.

“Steve...” Bucky whispered.

“I said don’t!” Steve yelled. “Let’s just get out of here as quick as we can!” he spat, standing up from the bed.

The brunette watched as Steve retreated to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Bucky hadn’t meant to upset him, but his sudden kiss only brought back memories of his past. Once Steve had left S.H.I.E.L.D, Bucky wanted to fill the emptiness in his heart. He knew it was a stupid idea, he should have thought about it, but he was so torn. Bucky sought out comfort in Ward. They never really talked much when Steve was still there. But over the coming weeks they grew a little closer than intended. The nights were filled with secret liaisons in Bucky’s room, he taught himself to keep quiet. It was a secret relationship, kept behind closed doors. Yet it all turned south when Bucky wanted to end it, Ward didn’t agree too much. Bucky feared for his life then and he still did. Ward was a part of his past that became dark and sinister within days.

_Bucky  was cleaning up Room One Hundred and Seven when it happened. The one room that happened to be at the far end of S.H.I.E.L.D HQ where guards barely patrolled. Ward came wandering by and peered into the room, spotting the brunette scrubbing at the walls._

_“Hey Bucky,” he spoke._

_“Ward,” Bucky replied._

_“What happened to Grant?” the agent asked._

_“You don’t have the privilege of that anymore,” Bucky spat._

_“Why not?” Ward questioned._

_“Because we’re done Ward. It was harmless fun, but I can’t do it anymore,” the brunette explained._

_“It’s because of Steve, isn’t it?” Ward continued._

_“You know nothing,” Bucky hissed._

_“Oh I know enough,” he laughed, stepping closer to Bucky._

_The brunette turned away, only to end up pinned against the wall, chest pressed to the wall. He struggled, his metal arm twitching as he attempted to kick Ward._

_“I wouldn’t,” he purred, suddenly snapping some handcuffs on Bucky’s wrist._

_“Get off me!” he roared._

_Ward’s hand clamped itself around the brunette’s mouth, his breath ghosting on Bucky’s ear._

_“Shut your fucking mouth Barnes,” he growled._

_“Please, Ward...Grant, I’ll do anything,” Bucky pleaded, suddenly being overwhelmed with panic._

_“Jeez Barnes. When are you going to learn? You had your chance, now I’m just going to take what I want,” Ward mused._

_“No! No!” Bucky yelled, struggling against Ward again._

_The agent sighed as his hand ran up and under Bucky’s shirt, pressing hard on his skin to bruise it. His lips touched Bucky’s jaw and the brunette turned his head away in disgust._

_“Ward please,” he choked out._

_Tears rained down his face as he tried to get free from the vice grip. Ward only turned him around and attacked his mouth. Bucky did the only thing he could, he bit Ward’s lip, hard, causing him to hiss and step back. His breathing was heavy as he slammed the cuffs on the wall, cracking one._

_“You either leave, or I’ll tell Phil what you do. I’ll tell him what we did. You’re not using me as a toy anymore Ward. Now is your chance to leave before I get you fired. I know how much you love working for S.H.I.E.L.D, you fucking get off on it. Do yourself a favour and back off,” Bucky growled, anger taking over him._

_Ward laughed sharply, before stepping forward again, grasping the brunette’s face in his hand. Bucky’s metal hand gripped Ward’s wrist as they glared at each other._

_“I’m not letting you off with this. I’ll bring someone else with me next time. I’ll just enjoy beating you up this time. No more of this, just bruises and all sorts of horrible things. You deserve to hurt,” Ward whispered._

_His lips pressed against Bucky’s once more, before he moved away, making a quick exit from the room. Bucky could only cower on the floor and cry weakly._

As the memory faded, Bucky felt his legs give out, his body trembling. He went deathly pale and felt like he was going to throw up. His fall had alerted Steve, who came out of the bathroom with fresh clothes on and worry on his face.

“James? James, hey, what happened?” he asked.

Bucky was shaking as tears fell down his cheeks, letting out small whispers.

“One. Zero. Seven,” he wavered.

Steve’s eyes looked over him worriedly as he made his way over to the brunette. Bucky simply kept chanting  _‘one, zero, seven’_  and it was worrying Steve immensely. All thoughts and emotions of a few minutes prior were now pushed aside as the blonde tried to get Bucky to talk to him.

“James, tell me what happened,” the blonde ordered.

Bucky stopped trembling, his eyes reddening from the tears. He let out a shaky breath as he turned to look at Steve.

“Ward and I had a past. But then I wanted to end it, he didn’t. So he-” he paused, wiping tears from his eyes.

“No,” Steve whispered. “God, please tell me he didn’t do what I think he did,” he added.

“He only kissed me when I didn’t want him to. He invaded my personal space. He touched me when I didn’t ask him too. But he only ever kept it above the belt, he never went lower. Sometimes he kept his hands above my clothes. He wouldn’t go that far because I threatened to tell Phil, or Clint, he’d put a damn arrow in Ward’s head. Now himself and Rumlow just hurt me, bruise me with whatever time they have, like I told you,” Bucky explained.

The blonde’s jaw clenched as he looked away from Bucky, his blood beginning to boil.

“How long did it go on for?” Steve questioned.

“A few weeks,” Bucky replied.

Steve nodded as he looked back up at Bucky. He could see how tired he was, how he must have been haunted by all of this. The blonde cautiously wrapped his arm around the brunette, pulling him into his side. Bucky lent into the touch, overridden with the exhaustion as he closed his eyes.

“I’ll drive us back to S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. You need to get sleep before Phil tells you to do anything. I’ll make sure you’re okay, James, I promise,” he soothed.

“Thank you sir...” Bucky murmured.

Everything hurt and ate away at Bucky. He couldn’t do all of this anymore. The brunette couldn’t hold onto the secret for much longer. Steve had to know, sooner rather than later.

* * *

When the pair had made it back to S.H.I.E.L.D, Steve had Clint sit in Bucky’s room as the brunette slept. He didn’t explain why, he just said he didn’t trust some of the agents. Clint obliged as long as it took him away from being on patrol for a short while. Steve wandered by Bucky’s room just to make sure everything was alright. He was, as every time Steve walked by, Clint was watching Bucky like a hawk. The brunette did live up to his nickname  _‘Hawkeye’_. Steve’s room was tidied up while he was away. Luckily it was only  Jemma who came by to tidy it for him. The blonde paced around his room as he tried to think of what he was going to do. He had to confront Ward, but he wasn’t going to storm around S.H.I.E.L.D like an animal looking for blood. There had to be an alternative, and Steve knew how.

_“Last thing I heard was that Ward was in the old gym. Rumlow is still in lockdown,”_

Fitz had told Steve where Ward was, and it seemed to fit well with his plan. He didn’t want to hurt Ward badly, he just wanted him to pay for what happened to Bucky. Steve couldn’t believe Ward had gotten away with everything he had done to the young agent. Tricking him into thinking he was getting loved and adored. It was disgusting in Steve’s mind. The blonde made his way down the familiar hallways, his gaze set straight ahead of him. He was dressed in his gym clothes, arms held to his sides. Steve was like a solider marching into battle.

_“We should sleep,”_

Steve’s heart dropped to his stomach at the thought of last night. He’d pushed Bucky away but then kissed him this morning to prove Tony wrong. But the brunette didn’t attempt to kiss him back and Steve knew right there and then that he’d crossed a line.

“You and your stupid brain,” he sighed.

The clink of weights could be heard as Steve got closer to the old gym. Nobody asked him as to where he was going. Steve felt like he had a bit of leeway, despite being an ex-agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. He pushed the heavy door open and made his way down the stairs. Ward’s grunts echoed through the room as more weights clinked against metal.

“Rumlow?” he spoke.

“No, much better,” Steve replied, sarcastically.

A laugh filled the room as Steve turned the corner and saw Ward sitting on a bench. He was in gym clothes also, clad in sweat as he stretched his arms.

“What can I do for you Rogers?” he asked.

“That’s sir to you, and everyone else in this god forsaken place,” Steve spat.

“Don’t need to call you sir now that you know you’re an ex-agent,” Ward bit back.

“Yes, I was one, but I’m not now. So you still need to call me sir,” Steve growled.

Ward sneered at him.

“What are you really here for? You didn’t come here to work out huh?” he asked.

The blonde stepped forward, his arms crossing over his chest as he began to circle Ward.

“I know what you did to James. You and Rumlow. Then I heard about what you and James used to have. About how you tricked him, used him and lied to him,” he grunted.

“He was easy,” Ward laughed.

Steve’s fist collided with his jaw as he was sent backwards, falling off the bench. The blonde stormed over to him and pressed his foot onto the agent’s chest.

“He is not a toy you scumbag. James saved my damn life and I thought he was a strong man. But no, he’s a man trapped in a weapon. He’s fragile and to find out it’s all because of yourself and Rumlow. You both fucking disgust me!” he yelled.

“Barnes isn’t how he says he is!” Ward exclaimed.

Steve’s foot pressed down harder on his chest, making him wince.

“Really? ‘Cause so far he’s been great,” Steve grumbled. “He’s done his job well at protecting me. You have no idea Ward,” he added.

“But I do. I know what you’re feeling. I did watch Bucky fall to his death remember,” Ward taunted.

Anger fired up inside Steve as he dropped down on Ward’s waist, punching him hard in the face. Hit after hit, Ward took each one as they came. Steve was burning with so much rage he yelled in anger and frustration.

“Don’t ever touch James again do you hear me!” he roared.

One final punch knocked Ward out cold as Steve’s chest heaved heavily. He stared down at his hands that were trembling slightly, with small speckles of blood dotted on his knuckles. Steve shook like a leaf as he stepped away from Ward. His chest heaved again as he turned away and staggered back to the door of the gym. Hardly anybody came by the old gym, so Steve was hoping that Ward would stay there until he came out of his unconscious state. Steve couldn’t believe he’d just done that, but what Ward had said let off the fuse inside him. He’d exploded with fury and he couldn’t stop himself.

_“Steve, Steve...Stevie,”_

Bucky’s voice echoed in the blonde’s head as he ran back down the hallways of S.H.I.E.L.D. He had to get back to Room Seventeen so he could calm down, and talk to Bucky. Steve was nearing the room, when he stopped suddenly. His eyes fell on a room that seemed to draw him to it. Something inside his mind told him that there was something in there for him. He looked around to see if the hallway was clear, which it was, before he approached the room. There was a security lock, but Steve hacked himself into it as if something had clicked in his head as to what he had to do. He stepped inside and let the door close as he felt for a light switch. A beep sounded as lights flickered on, revealing rows of filing cabinets. The blonde wandered down the rows, passing by a few agents cabinets, before he saw the name he’d been looking for. Bucky’s name was written in bold letters with  _‘deceased’_  written beside it. Steve’s heart sunk as he reached for the handle before pulling his hand back.

_“Do you really want to do this?”_

The voice in Steve’s head echoed and faded as he held his hand against his chest. He wanted to see what was inside, he wondered what Bucky had left behind. Steve grabbed the handle and pulled it as the shelf rolled out. Several photographs fell out, as well as a letter and an empty box where a set of dog tags used to be. A lump caught in Steve’s throat as he breathed out shakily, picking up the photographs. His eyes watered when he placed them back down, spreading them out evenly. There was a picture of Steve’s birthday and he was dressed in S.H.I.E.L.D uniform, with Bucky by his side. Bucky was laughing with his arm wrapped around Steve’s shoulder. Steve smiled slightly as he looked at the other one where Bucky and Steve were looking at each other with wide smiles. His heart beat drummed in his ears as he stared at it for a moment. They were looking at each other with such adoration and Steve started to think that he was being so blind while they were working together. Maybe there was a little something between the two, but what use was it now?

“God Buck, I wish you were here,” he whispered.

Steve placed the photographs back and looked at the letter. He saw his name scrawled on it and he felt himself pale. Why wasn’t he given that letter? He picked it up with shaky hands and hid it in the waistband of his pants, pulling his shirt back down to conceal the rest of it. The blonde knew he had to go and see Natasha about it, he’d have to call her later.

“What the hell happened to him?” Rumlow’s voice spoke.

“We don’t know, we just found him beat up and unconcious,” an agent answered.

_Shit_  Steve thought.

“Why the hell is Rumlow out of his room?” he hissed.

He waited until the footsteps disappeared as he made his way over to the door and opened it a fraction. The coast was clear so Steve stepped out and started jogging back down to Room Seventeen. The door was open a little and Steve’s stomach dropped, he’d told Clint to keep the door closed. He hurred to the door and slammed into it with his shoulder. Bucky was on his back on his bed his eyes wide as he let out a muffled yell. Rumlow was over him, his fist raised to punch the brunette.

“Get off of him!” Steve yelled, lunging forward.

He yanked Rumlow off the brunette and slammed him against the closest wall. Rumlow’s feet barely touched the floor as Steve’s fists tightened on the agent’s shirt.

“You touch him again I’ll fucking do what I did to Ward to you!” he spat.

“So it was you who did it huh?” Rumlow replied.

“Yeah, it was,” Steve laughed hoarsely. “And you know what? I enjoyed it,” he whispered.

Truth is, he had enjoyed it, only a little, but he did partially regret it because he knew he was going to get in serious trouble for it. Rumlow struggled against Steve, but the blonde slammed him against the wall again, winding him.

“You get the fuck out of here and you don’t come back. You’re not laying a finger on him while I’m here,” he growled.

Steve let go of Rumlow and pushed him out the door, his eyes burning with rage. Rumlow turned and retreated down the nearest hallway as Steve kicked the door shut. He rushed over to Bucky, kneeling down as he untied the piece of fabric over his mouth.

“James? James, are you okay?” he asked.

Bucky let out shaky pants as he stared up at the ceiling, his fingers still clenched into the fabric of the sheets. Steve gingerly rested his hand on Bucky’s, rubbing it soothingly. The brunette tensed and swung around as his left fist collided with Steve’s jaw. He cried out and fell back, clutching his jaw as he lay curled on the floor. Bucky snapped back into reality, his head turning as he looked at Steve.

“Steve? Shit, Steve,” he breathed out.

He fumbled off the bed and dropped down to Steve’s side, his hand placed on the blonde’s waist.

“Hey, Steve talk to me,” he spoke.

Steve groaned as he pushed himself up, his hand still resting on his jaw. Bucky pulled his hand away and saw the bruise already beginning to form.

“I’m sorry Steve. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he soothed.

“Nngh-don’t. Don’t be, you were still in shock,” Steve answered, his eyes locking with Bucky’s.

The brunette’s hand rested on Steve’s jaw as he examined it, Steve’s shallow breath tickling his neck. He pulled back, his eyes on Steve again as he dropped his hand. Steve grabbed his falling hand and grasped it gently.

“Why won’t you tell Phil?” he questioned.

“You know why,” Bucky replied.

“No, I don’t,” Steve whispered.

Bucky sighed as he shook his head, feeling Steve’s hand move under his chin.

“If you told him I wouldn’t have to come here and save your ass from getting hurt all the time. I think Ward and Rumlow have done enough damage to you already. No more fucking around Bucky, you need to tell Phil,” Steve issued.

Silence fell as Bucky’s eyes widened at the mention of his name. Steve only just realized as he clasped his hand over his mouth.

“Fuck,” he choked out.

“Relax Steve. Everybody says something they didn’t mean,” Bucky answered, smoothly recovering Steve’s  _‘mishap’_.

Steve looked down at the floor, before he looked back up, his eyes slightly watery.

“Every time I look into your eyes, I see him. Why?” he croaked.

“I don’t know Steve,” Bucky lied.

The blonde nodded slowly as he looked at Bucky, his lips parting slightly.

“James I-” he paused.

He found himself inching closer to the brunette, heart pounding in his chest. Steve was just so drawn to the fellow agent.

“Sir...don’t,” Bucky whispered.

“Stop calling me sir...” the blonde breathed out.

Steve’s lips found Bucky’s for the second time in that one day. His left hand fell on Bucky’s thigh as the brunette froze. The blonde’s lips were still as gentle as they were from the morning kiss, pressing and melding with Bucky’s. His right arm wrapped around Bucky’s waist, pulling him closer, their chests touching. The brunette grunted in frustration as he pushed Steve away yet again, his eyes narrowing as he moved away.

“I said don’t,” he snapped.

“James...” Steve replied.

“Stop talking,” Bucky growled.

He couldn’t do this.

“I told you not to do anything,” he added.

Bucky could see the defeat cross over the blonde’s face, full of guilt and sadness. Rejection was something Steve couldn’t cope with well, he never had.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out.

“Just get out Steve,” Bucky spat, rising to his feet.

“James please,” the blonde pleaded.

“GET OUT! JUST FUCKING GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” Bucky roared, turning his back on Steve.

His heart sunk when he heard Steve’s low sobs as the blonde got to his feet. He probably shouldn’t have acted so harshly. But he was so overwhelmed with anger because of Rumlow, he just couldn’t help it. When Steve left, closing the door behind him, Bucky sunk to his knees, burying his face into his bed sheets. He let out a deep sigh as tears pooled in his eyes. If he kept pushing Steve away, he’d lose him again and he’d probably end up dead. Bucky didn’t know what to do.

_“You love him,”_

“Shut up,” he hissed.

_“You love him and you pushed him away,”_

“SHUT UP!” Bucky screamed, clutching his head.

He didn’t know how else to cope. Bucky was far too broken inside, and far too tormented.

* * *

Steve got caught in the rain as he ran down the streets of Manhattan. After what happened with Bucky, he snuck out of S.H.I.E.L.D so that he could see Natasha. The letter he had found earlier was tucked inside his jacket so it didn’t get wet. He wasn’t sure if he was going to read it or not, he didn’t know if he wanted to. It’d been a very long time and the letter was dated back to just after Steve left S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve stepped into a coffee shop on the corner and walked up to the counter, smelling freshly baked muffins and cookies.

“Hi there, what can I get you?” a voice spoke.

The blonde turned his head and smiled as he grabbed out his wallet and put a couple of dollar bills on the counter.

“Hi, can I get two lattes and two of those chocolate muffins,” he replied.

“You sure can,” the brunette woman answered.

“Thank you,” Steve breathed out.

“You look exhausted,” she mused.

“Yeah? I am a little bit I guess,” Steve sighed.

“What’s your name? You look familiar,” she chuckled.

“Steve. Steve Rogers,” he hummed.

“No kidding? The guy who sings at the Lemurian Star?” she gasped.

“That’s me,” the blonde mused.

“My name’s Rebecca and I just love all your music covers,” the brunette gushed, pushing the muffins over to Steve. “My friends and I go every time you’re playing,” she added.

“Thanks, it’s great to know I can please the crowd,” Steve laughed.

Rebecca smiled as she placed one latte down, waiting on the other one.

“This seems invasive. But...are you and Tony Stark still dating? Because I noticed in the magazines it says he went alone for a work function,” Rebecca issued, reaching under the counter. “Plus there’s a picture in here of you with some other guy,” she continued, looking at Steve.

Steve’s eyes widened as he looked at the magazine, the headline clear as day.  _‘Tony Stark: The Lone Ranger. Has He Been Cast Out By Steve Rogers New Fling?’_. The blonde scowled and pushed the magazine away, they just had to pick the picture of Steve whispering into Bucky’s ear with the brunette smiling like a love sick puppy.

“It’s complicated,” he whispered.

“I understand,” Rebecca answered, pushing the other latte over. “Have a nice day, Steve,” she added.

“You too,” Steve replied, grabbing the lattes and muffins as he high tailed it out of the shop.

He fell against the nearest wall and closed his eyes as he let out a deep sigh, shaking his head a little. If only he’d been more careful, their faces wouldn’t be in front of that magazine, Bucky was going to be angry, then there was Phil. Steve pushed himself back off the wall as he continued to walk down the street to Natasha’s office. She had a client late in the afternoon so Steve managed to squeeze in a visit before then, he really needed to see her. The blonde had a hundred things running around in his head and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. When he turned into Natasha’s office he felt calm wash over him, his nerves fading into a dull ache. As he walked inside he saw Natasha talking to the receptionist, her hair done in loose curls. She looked different and Steve smiled as he eyes fell on the blonde.

“Hey Steve,” she crooned.

“Hey, you look gorgeous, love the curls,” Steve commented.

Natasha chuckled.

“Clint thinks so too,” she whispered.

“Oh so you and Clint are a thing now?” Steve laughed, handing her a muffin and a latte.

“Maybe,” she hummed. “Come on in, we gotta’ talk,” she added.

Steve followed Natasha inside, taking a sip of his latte as he felt his body warm up. He was glad the rain had stopped, he was drenched enough already. Natasha sat down in her chair as Steve took off his jacket and dropped the letter down on the coffee table.

“So what did you bring me besides a snack and a latte?” she teased.

The blonde smiled sadly and tapped his finger on the letter.

“I found this at S.H.I.E.L.D. They had rows of cabinets with agents things in them. I probably shouldn’t have taken this. I don’t know if I want to read it though,” he replied.

Natasha nodded and sat back in her chair, her eyes falling on Steve’s.

“You might not want to keep pulling on these strings Steve. You get tangled in strings you’ll never get out,” she issued.

“Part of me wants to know what he said,” he sighed.

“That’s your choice honey,” Natasha soothed.

“This is my choice,” he murmured.

The blonde reached for the letter, flipping it over to peel it open. Natasha watched him closely, seeing his hands shake slightly. She reached over and pulled the letter out, folding it open for Steve and placing it in his hands.

“You don’t need to read it out loud,” she assured him.

Steve nodded and took a deep breath as he looked down and started to read the letter to himself.

_Stevie..._

_I decided to write this right after you left. If I’m honest I didn’t expect you to leave. I thought we’d be doing this forever. Till’ the end of the line, y’know? Sometimes I think it was me who pushed you away. If it was, Steve I’m sorry. Whatever I did, please forgive me. I feel like I’ve lost the only person who kept me absolutely sane. I can’t even write this without keeping the tears at bay. Steve you were the greatest person I ever came to know. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Everyone is shocked by you leaving and I think Phil isn’t coping already. You were like a son to him, we were all in a big family here. Y’know, we both lost our parents when we were young and this was the only sort of family we let in. S.H.I.E.L.D became our home. It doesn’t feel like home now without you here. Our room is too quiet. Why couldn’t you stay Steve? You left so many questions unanswered and it’s tearing me apart. I don’t know if you’d want to see me again, or speak to me again. Please don’t become a stranger. I still need you. Steve...whenever you get this, don’t be freaked out by what I say next. I know you wouldn’t have felt the same way. I mean, why would you for a stupid kid like me? Just know that I’ll always be here if you decided to come back. Steve, I love you, I always have. I loved you and tore myself up about it because I couldn’t say anything. I know there’s a dangerous road ahead of me and if I somehow get killed in action. I’ll die knowing I loved the sweetest guy in S.H.I.E.L.D...my best friend. My Steve. I’ll see you on the other side._

_Your Bucky x_

The blonde’s heart jumped, stuttered and faltered as he let the letter fall from his hands. Tears swam in his eyes as he let out a choked cry, covering his mouth with his hand.

_"Your Bucky..."_

“Steve?” Natasha spoke, worriedly.

Steve shook his head as he sobbed louder, his shoulders shaking as he dropped his head in his hands. Natasha grabbed the letter and skimmed her eyes over it, eyes widening a fraction when she got to the end.

“Oh Steve,” she whispered, putting the letter back down.

Steve gasped out a breath as he held his fist up to his mouth, biting down on his knuckle. His cheeks were stained with tears that still continued to roll down his face, leaving droplets on his jeans. Bucky loved him and he was too blind to see.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” he choked out. “WHY DIDN’T HE TELL ME!” he roared, breaking down into more sobs.

“Steve listen to me, you need to calm down sweetie,” Natasha murmured.

“I can’t...I can’t,” Steve chanted, shaking his head as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Steve you can’t do anything about it now. But at least you know and it’s better than not knowing,” Natasha issued. “But you’ll need to let go of it sooner rather than later or you’ll hit rock bottom again,” she added.

The blonde shook his head again, wiping away tears with the palm of his hands. He didn’t want to let go.

“Steve...talk to me,” Natasha sighed.

Silence rang out as Steve lifted his head, his blue eyes unreadable as a single tear slid down his left cheek.

“He loved me,” he spoke hoarsely, jaw clenching afterwards. “I loved him...” he confessed.

“Steve,” Natasha whispered.

“No. Don’t. Don’t say anything. I just found out my best friend was in love with me, I’ve kissed James, twice, and I don’t know what to do!” Steve exclaimed.

“You kissed James!” Natasha yelled.

“Yes! Because Tony didn’t believe that we were a couple so I had to just to get him off our backs! The second time I just-” he paused. “I thought there was something I don’t know!” he spat.

“You’re only digging the hole deeper Steve!” the red head snapped.

Steve stood up as he grabbed his jacket and stormed for the door.

“Where are you going!” Natasha yelled.

“Somewhere quiet! So I can be alone!” Steve roared, forcing the door open.

“Steve!” Natasha screamed.

He ignored her as he ran out of her office onto the streets. His breathing was ragged as he started to run across the road, right in front of an oncoming car that was heading straight for him.

“Steve!” a voice yelled.

It echoed in his head, his pulse beating loud in his ears as he turned. Bucky was racing toward him, dressed in his S.H.I.E.L.D uniform, with slight panic smouldering in his eyes. Steve felt the weight hit him in the chest as he was sent tumbling back, grunting in pain when his face scraped on the road. Bucky pulled a gun from his belt as he fired at the car, puncturing two of the tires as it skidded to a halt. He shifted to the middle of the road, standing side on as he held the gun in his right hand. Steve looked up, hand resting on the road as he knelt on one of his knees. Bucky’s face was riddled with hate and focus, his eyes narrowing as he fired again. Passersby screamed and ran for safety as two armed men exited the car, clad in black with a symbol on their right shoulders. Steve stared at it, the air leaving his lungs as he looked back at Bucky. The brunette’s grip tightened on his gun as the men raised theirs. It was like watching an old wild west movie, the silence drawing out for longer than it should. Bucky’s left hand suddenly grasped a knife as he threw it, sending it straight into one of the assailant’s throats. The gun fire started again and Bucky killed the second with a shot to the head, blood spewing everywhere. Steve stayed crouched behind a car as another car raced up the street.

“Get up we gotta’ go!” Bucky ordered, rushing to Steve’s side.

He grabbed the blonde’s arm and pulled him up as they ran North up the road.

“What the hell is going on James!” Steve yelled.

Bucky said nothing as a rumbling sounded from above them. Steve looked up and saw a helicopter above, with Clint standing in the open door space. He pulled his bow back and fired and arrow at the oncoming car, causing it to explode and flip.

“Barton!” Bucky called, into his earpiece. “We need the wire!” he added.

“I’m on it,” Clint replied.

The brunette looked over at Steve who still stood in shock and confusion.

“Steve, we’re going to the safe house quicker than we thought. You’re gonna’ have to trust me and come with me,” he explained.

The blonde turned to Bucky, his eyes pooling with tears again as he tried to hold them back.

“Do you trust me?” Bucky asked.

He held his metal hand out to Steve, his eyes locking with the blonde’s. Steve looked at the brunette, then to his hand. Did he trust him? Should he?

“Yes,” Steve whispered, placing his hand in Bucky’s.

Bucky’s hand gripped his as he was pulled forward, feeling the brunette’s arm wrap around his waist as he grabbed into strong wire that was thrown from the helicopter.

“Go! Go!” Bucky commanded.

Steve’s heart raced as they were lifted off the ground, Bucky’s arm gripping him tighter. As they were pulled up slowly, Steve spotted a gunman on the roof of a building. His blood ran cold as he grasped Bucky’s vest.

“James!” he exclaimed.

A gun shot rang out and Steve cried out, feeling a searing pain in his arm. Bucky’s eyes widened as he shifted, causing the fire to twist as he guarded Steve with his own body. He fired three times, before Clint shot an arrow, hitting the gunman in the chest. Steve sagged against Bucky, his breathing laboured as the brunette pressed his hand on the wound.

“Steve stay awake,” he whispered.

They reached the helicopter as they were dragged inside, Steve falling against Bucky. The brunette’s chest heaved as he kept his arm around Steve’s waist. His right hand was still pressed to the blonde’s arm as he rested his head against Steve’s. He didn’t give a damn how wrong it would have looked to anyone else.

“Stay awake. Stay awake Stevie,” he pleaded softly.

_“Stay awake...”_

_“Stevie...”_

* * *

Water lapped up on the edge of the lake as the trees blew aimlessly in the soft winds. The hidden location was outside the city, placed in a secluded forest area. Bucky was outside, talking to Phil before the older man departed. They were staying in a cabin styled house, it was warm and homely. The brunette was told that they could still come out to the city, but Bucky had to be with Steve at all times. They also had to dress undercover so they could still hide while they were out. Phil promised that it would only be for a few days, maybe a week at the most. Steve was resting in the bedroom, sheets draped over him with his injured arm placed over his chest. When Bucky walked by, he’d see how peaceful Steve looked, because he really did look exhausted. Bucky himself was exhausted, he was glad to be away from Ward and Rumlow though.

_“Steve don’t...”_

Bucky sighed as he walked back into the cabin and locked the door behind him. Their bags sat by the dining table, the brunette had packed everything Steve took to S.H.I.E.L.D with him. Phil had also given him back Steve’s journal, which Bucky put back in Steve’s bag. He was walking by the bag again, seeing pieces of paper poking out of another pocket. Bucky stared at them and then looked down the hallway to the bedroom, Steve was still sleeping. The brunette wandered over to the bag and pulled one of the pieces out. He gasped when he saw that it was a drawing of himself, of younger him. The details were so perfect Bucky thought he was looking at a twin. He fell against the wall and dropped to the floor staring at it and running a hand through his hair.  _Why did he want to rip these out?_  he thought. It was then that Bucky turned it over and saw something scrawled on the back.   
  
 _Happy Birthday Buck. I wish I could actually give this to you. But if I do you’ll know my damn secret. I love you Bucky - Stevie xx_

Bucky’s throat went dry as he put the papers back, his head falling into his hands. Steve had loved him, but he left. How could Bucky even forgive that? He let out a shaky breath as he ran his hand down his face, wiping tears away.

“James?” Steve spoke groggily.

The brunette lifted his head as he gazed up at Steve.  _How long had he loved me? Did he still love me?_  he thought.

“Hey Steve,” he replied, sniffling as he wiped his eyes again.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. Yeah...just worried about you that’s all,” Bucky answered.

Steve smiled sadly.

“I’m sorry. How long was I out for?” he questioned.

“About three hours. We’re in the safe house now, just outside of the city,” the brunette mused.

“We’re stuck here?” Steve sighed.

“No. We can travel still, but undercover and I need to be with you at all times,” Bucky explained.

The blonde nodded.

“I guess I can live with that,” he hummed.

“Steve...about earlier,” the brunette muttered.

“It’s fine,” Steve answered. “You made it perfectly clear,” he added.

Bucky rested his head back on the wall, sighing as he closed his eyes. He was always good at upsetting people, that’s for sure.

“How’s your arm?” Bucky queried.

“Better, still hurts a little,” Steve huffed.

The brunette nodded as he opened his eyes a fraction. His lashes brushed over his skin when he blinked and Steve’s breathed hitched in his throat.  _His eyes...they’re breathtaking_  he thought.

“Shut up Steve,” he whispered, to himself.

Yet again, silence washed over them and Bucky frowned as he stood up from the floor. Steve watching him, he watched the way his hips swayed and the way his hair swished freely. He couldn’t help himself, all this heartache of Bucky was washing away every time he looked at the man in front of him. Unrequited feelings were something Steve couldn’t exactly deal with.

“So, what do we do for fun around here?” Steve mused.

Bucky glanced over at Steve with his arms crossed over his chest. A smirk curved at the corner of his mouth as he kicked the fridge door open with his foot. Inside, two shelves were stacked with alcohol ranging from vodka to rum and whiskey, filled to the brim.

“Fancy some drinks?” he questioned, grinning widely.

“Oh god yes,” Steve breathed out.

* * *

By nightfall they’d drank their weight in alcohol, still remaining aware of their surroundings, but not by much. They were warming by the fireplace, fresh drinks in their hands as they talked and laughed. Bucky laughed loudly at a joke Steve had just told him, slapping his hand on his knee.

“That’s hilarious,” he chuckled.

“What can I say? I’m a born comedian,” Steve boasted.

Bucky scoffed.

“Sure, you keep thinkin’ that buddy,” he replied.

Steve smirked as he swirled the ice around in his drink, before downing the rest of it in one go.

“Slow down there man,” Bucky chuckled.

“Sorry,” Steve laughed. “It’s just really good,” he added.

Bucky turned his head to look at Steve. The light from the fire was lighting up his face, the flames reflecting in his eyes. The brunette could see the distant and saddening look in them. With a swift movement, he rested his hand on Steve’s leg, tilting his head as the blonde looked over at him.

“You okay? You’ve got this distant look in your eyes,” he mused.

“Yeah, I’m good. It has been a rough couple of days,” Steve answered.

“S.H.I.E.L.D gets like that. And I’m sorry you got roped into this, but we don’t want you to get killed. You were an agent once, so we’d feel like we were losing one of our own,” Bucky replied.

“Do you think-” Steve paused. “Would I ever be able to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D as an agent?” he asked.

Bucky shook his head slowly.

“It’s probably best you stay with the job you have, and the life you have,” he issued.

Steve looked away as he put his drink down, his hand sliding down his leg to rest over Bucky’s. It was his metal hand, but Bucky felt a rush shoot up his spine, eyes falling closed.  _Don’t do this_  he thought.

_“But you loved him...”_

“James,” Steve whispered.

“Sir?” Bucky replied.

Steve moved closer, his knee touching Bucky’s as he pushed some hair from the brunette’s face. Bucky opened his eyes and saw Steve’s sky blue eyes staring back at him. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears he thought they might bleed. It didn’t exactly help that the soft beats of the music were heightening the feeling coursing through him. Steve let out a short breath of air, swallowing the lump in his throat as he looked down, then back up to Bucky.

“Thank you for protecting me. I don’t know how many times I have to say it. But just...thank you,” he breathed out.

“Steve,” Bucky wavered.

The blonde’s hand moved up to Bucky’s wrist, feeling the grooves as he inched up his arm. Bucky’s breathing faltered as Steve’s nimble fingers touched his shoulder where metal met skin. The brunette’s hand came up to grab Steve’s wrist, he never liked the feeling that area, it brought back too many memories. But his head turned as he pressed his lips to Steve’s palm.

“I’m sorry,” Steve soothed.

Bucky broke. His hands grasped the back of Steve’s head as he pulled him in. Their lips crashed in a passionate array of kisses, hands roaming, pressing and squeezing. Steve let out a sharp gasp as he grabbed Bucky’s waist and pulled him closer. The brunette was in his lap, fingers curling into the blonde’s hair as he pulled gently on his bottom lip. They’d both done this before, so many times, just not with each other. They both knew what they had to do and they both seemed to want it to happen in a hurry.

“What happened to let’s not do this?” Steve gasped out.

“I lied,” Bucky grunted, tugging on Steve’s hair.

Steve groaned when Bucky’s teeth grazed the skin on his neck, breath hot on the places he grazed. Bucky’s hips rolled and Steve let out a soft moan, hands running under Bucky’s tank top. He pulled it off in one quick movement, before reaching for his own shirt, getting help from Bucky to pull it over his head as they stole kisses in between. Bucky had forgotten how muscular Steve was and he ran his hands down the blonde’s chest to his abs, letting out a shaky breath.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

“We should-” Steve paused, eyes falling closed as he moaned.

Bucky kissed him again, roughly, and Steve wasn’t ready really. He lost his balance and himself and Bucky tumbled to the floor. They started laughing as Bucky groaned under the weight of Steve.

“Sorry, I’m pretty heavy,” the blonde snickered.

The brunette smiled as he looked up, his eyes meeting Steve’s, seeing his pupils blown slighty. Steve’s soft lips were melding into his again as Bucky grasped the blonde’s thighs gently. Their hips rolled in time with each other and Steve moaned, sitting up straighter. He straddled the brunette’s waist, hands pressed on his chest as he looked down, chest heaving a little.

“You’re beautiful y’know that,” he purred.

“Sir...sorry, Steve...” Bucky sighed. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he added.

Steve blushed as he ran his hands down Bucky’s chest, sliding them down lower, and lower. Bucky’s face flushed when Steve popped the button on his jeans, leaning down again, kissing him deeply.

“Steve we aren’t-nngh,” he groaned, feeling Steve’s hand palm his erection through his underwear.

“I need it James, something, anything. Please,” the blonde begged.

Bucky’s metal hand pulled Steve’s button open, fingers tugging the waistband of his underwear.

“Gotta’ get rid of those,” he murmured.

From the effects of alcohol and the ongoing tension, the pair couldn’t stop themselves. Yet all Bucky was thinking about was that this was his best friend, Steve still thought he was dead, and they were about to do something that crossed the line between agent and a mission. Steve slid down to Bucky’s thighs and worked his jeans off of himself, before sliding down further and pulling Bucky’s clean off. His hands ran back up his thighs, fingers pulling at the brunette’s underwear as they came off too. Bucky hummed as he grabbed Steve’s arm and guided him back up to his lips. Steve’s fingers brushed Bucky’s jaw before smoothing through his hair as the kiss deepened. Bucky slid his hands down Steve’s back, sliding inside his underwear. The blonde hummed as Bucky slid them down slowly, intimately, bringing his hands back up to give his ass a squeeze. Steve chuckled into the kiss, biting down on the brunette’s lip.

“Hold on a second,” Bucky crooned.

He got up and wandered into the bathroom, Steve watching him intently, his body spread out on the rug. His mind was swimming, he knew it was so wrong, but he needed something. He couldn’t stop now. Bucky walked back into the room, holding a small bottle in his hand, causing Steve to raise an eyebrow.

“This place gets rented out as a couple’s retreat sometimes. Guess the last ones left their lube,” Bucky mused, with a smirk.

Steve snorted and started laughing, burying his head in his arms. Bucky smirked and wandered back over as Steve knelt up. He stopped the brunette in front of him and pressed gentle kisses up his thighs. His kisses moved to his hips, before pressing one, featherlight one to the tip of Bucky’s cock. Bucky moaned sweetly and let his head fall back, running his metal hand through Steve’s hair.

“Let me sit down sugar,” he purred.

The blonde did, with his eyes watching him, swimming with pools of black. Bucky beckoned him over and he found himself in Bucky’s lap again. The brunette pulled him in for a kiss, tender and tentative as he popped the cap on the bottle. He spread a good amount of the gel on his fingers and tilted Steve’s head up as he kissed his neck gently. Steve responded with ease as two of Bucky’s moved up the crease of his ass, pressing against his entrance.

“Mm, there,” Steve gasped, eyes fluttering closed.

“Relax,” Bucky soothed.

He breached Steve and the blonde keened as his arms wrapped around Bucky. The brunette kissed along his shoulder, curling his fingers as Steve moaned loudly, lolling his head. They’d only just started and he already wanted more. Steve rocked his hips down and felt Bucky’s fingers go deeper. They were cold, but the metal fingers gave him more pleasure than human fingers had or would.

“James,” he hissed, rolling his hips. “I need more,” he added.

“Are you sure?” Bucky asked.

“Yes...” Steve breathed out.

Bucky removed his fingers slowly and slicked his cock up, before holding Steve’s hips gently. Steve moved sensually, guiding himself down onto Bucky’s cock as he cried out. The brunette soothed him, kissing his neck and collarbone as Steve’s eyes watered, hips jerking slightly. Steve pushed Bucky back roughly as the brunette stared up at Steve, seeing the tears well in his eyes. He didn’t know why the blonde was crying. Steve himself didn’t know why either. Bucky’s hands rested on Steve’s thighs gently as he continued to stare into Steve’s eyes that were so full of emotion. The blonde moved up, then back down, slowly and easily as he pressed his hands to Bucky’s chest. His tears slid down his cheeks as he felt Bucky’s hand touch his cheek.

“I’ve got you Steve...I’ve got you,” he whispered, letting out a choked grunt.

All the guilt and sadness drowned away as Steve continued to rock himself up and down. Moans and groans were filling the room as the fire still crackled beside them. They didn’t last much longer, and when Steve screamed out in ecstasy, Bucky was there to catch him. Bucky was there to pick up the pieces.

_“I love you...”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Naughty boys. Imagine how Steve will feel when he finds out Bucky is alive and they just screwed each other :O...Woohoo for Steve beating Ward and threatening Rumlow ;) Natasha will be playing a good part in the next chapter, she'll be a bit of a spy herself. And the big reveal will happen...maybe, you'll need to wait. Also the 'I love you...' at the end isn't something said, it's a little voice in Steve's head that thinks about Bucky again.


	8. Chapter Seven - Bucky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's been a long, long time." - Harry James & His Orchestra feat. Kitty Kallan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big reveal is about to happen. This chapter was intense as hell. Also badass Nat.

_"James..."_

_"Steve..."_

_"Ah-fuck. Please,"_

_"I've got you,"_

_"Yes...there,"_

_"Don't stop,"_

Steve's blue eyes flickered in his mind, his soft gasps loud in his ears. Bucky moaned stubbornly as he inched his eyes open, drowning out the sounds of his dream. He blinked away sleep, feeling the throbbing in his head, his muscles tense. The brunette turned his head and saw rumpled sheets beside him. His eyes widened a fraction as he recalled the intimate end to their night.

"Oh fuck," he cursed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chanted.

Bucky covered his face with his hands as he let out a groggy sigh. He couldn't believe he'd banged his best friend last night, but it was so good and Bucky felt fucking disgusted. That wasn't supposed to happen at all, but he'd just caved in and went with it. Bed sheets were wrapped around him tightly, shielding his lower half. He didn't even have any recollection of making it to the bed.

_"What happened to let's not do this?"_

_"I lied,"_

_A double lie? Nice job Barnes_ he thought. The brunette frowned and pushed himself up onto his elbows. His hair fell over his face as he sighed and rolled onto his stomach. He shakily moved off the bed, trying to get his footing right as he searched for underwear and pants.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he groaned, tugging on some sweatpants. 

He walked out of the bedroom and wandered down the hallway, running his hand along the wall to steady himself. When he reached the lounge and kitchen area, there was no sign of Steve. Bucky panicked.

"Steve!" he called.

Bucky ran out the front door and called for Steve again. The silence made his chest tighten as he ran back inside.

"Steve!" he yelled, heading for the back door. "Ste-" he paused suddenly.

The blonde was sitting on a log by the lake, throwing stones into the water and listening to the sounds echo off the hills. Flecks of sunlight shone over him, lighting up his features. Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat as he walked down the stairs. His feet were light on the grass, feeling the early morning dew touch his bare skin. Steve threw another stone, before his shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair. Bucky approached him cautiously and stood behind him, his gaze looking out at the lake. He rested his metal hand on Steve's shoulder, and immediately felt a weight as Steve's cam up to rest on his.

"Morning," he whispered.

"Good morning, sir," Bucky replied.

Steve smiled sadly.

"Again with the sir thing," he chuckled, breathlessly.

"It's a habit," Bucky answered.

They fell completely silent, listening to the water lap up on the stones, nearing Steve's bare feet.

"James...last night..." he sighed.

"Shouldn't have happened," Bucky issued.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean...it shouldn't have escalated to that. But, I don't regret it," the blonde breathed out.

"You don't?" Bucky asked.

"No," Steve replied, turning his head slightly. "James, you're a gorgeous guy and what happened last night was something I have _needed_ for a long time. I needed that reassurance. Probably could have stopped at the kissing but I just couldn't," he added.

Bucky hung his head.

"I'm sorry. I just caved in. Steve, you have _no_ idea how hard it is to stop temptation when it's right there in front of you," he mused.

Steve's grip tightened on Bucky's hand.

"Did you regret it?" he questioned.

"No..." the brunette whispered.

The blonde turned his full body around and looked up at Bucky. His fingers traced the _'V'_ on Bucky's hips as he sighed.

"I'm sorry I put this on you. Forcing myself to believe there was something between us," he choked out.

_There is_ Bucky thought.

"Steve please don't be sorry when I let it go as far as it did. It's not your fault," Bucky soothed.

Steve closed his eyes as a tear slid down his cheek, one he'd been holding back, his arms wrapping around Bucky's waist. He pressed a soft kiss to the brunette's stomach, causing him to take in a sharp breath. His hand rested in Steve's hair, smoothing his fingers through the blonde strands. The temptation was setting in again.

"I'm doing it again. Fuck, I'm sorry," Steve wavered.

Bucky tilted Steve's head up as he wiped a tear away with his thumb. Steve stood up quickly, pulling the brunette close to him. Their lips lingered for a moment, breaths ghosting each other's before Bucky closed the gap. Steve's left hand threaded through Bucky's hair as he kissed him deeply. It was _too_ much, _too_ much to handle, _too_ much to bear. When they pulled away, Steve's hands came up to take Bucky's.

"Sorry I just-" he paused.

"I know. I know...you just wanted one more," Bucky breathed out.

_No_ Steve thought.

"Yes," he lied, smiling faintly and opening his eyes.

The brunette pulled away, letting Steve's hands fall to his side as he looked out at the lake again. He could feel the irregular beat in his heart again, stuttering and faltering as he breathed in deeply. The feeling lingered and tormented him as he felt Steve's eyes on him. Bucky let the deep breath out and closed his eyes. Steve was making him rip out all those feelings from years ago. _Why is it so difficult?_ he thought.

"What are we going to do today?" Steve asked, breaking the silence.

Bucky didn't have a clue at all.

"I need to give Phil a call at 10am to give him a update. I'll leave out what happened last night. So until then, the given time is our own. And the time after...we'll see what the day brings us," he answered.

Steve nodded.

"Do you want to go for a swim?" he questioned.

"Is this a test?" Bucky chided. "It'll be freezing," he huffed.

"No, not at all," Steve laughed.

Bucky shrugged.

"Fine, let's go," he hummed, pulling his sweatpants down as they fell to the ground.

The blonde blushed crimson red as he took his shirt off and left his shorts on. He followed Bucky and practically yelped when his toes touched the cold water.

"Pansy," Bucky teased.

"Jerk," Steve huffed.

He shoved Bucky forward, causing the brunette to face plant into the water. Steve laughed hysterically when Bucky rose from the water, cursing in Russian as he shook water from his hair. He suddenly swung his arm in the water, watching it splash over Steve, giving him a drenching.

"Oh god! Cold!" Steve screamed.

Bucky cackled as he did it again, before shoving Steve back, watching him fall into the deeper end of the lake. Steve frowned as Bucky smirked playfully, kicking water at the blonde. He felt Steve's hand grab his wrist and yank him forward, his balance failing as he landed right on Steve, water spraying up from the force. The pair spat water out their mouths, laughing loudly as Bucky flipped his hair back. Steve's gaze fell on his and he felt his heart rate jumping yet again. They couldn't keep their hands off each other even for just five minutes. You've got yourself into so much trouble Bucky thought.

"You just can't keep yourself off me huh?" Steve joked.

"Guess not," Bucky murmured.

_God dammit Barnes_ he thought. Steve's hand came up to push the brunette's hair out of the way, hand resting on his jaw.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked.

Bucky didn't have an answer for that.

"I don't know," he whispered.

The blonde lent closer still.

"Steve," Bucky sighed.

"I'm sorry I just-I-James I can't hold it back, not when I want it," he mumbled.

"Steve, this could be dangerous. We could get caught, I could get fired. Then that means I can't protect you. Please, just...slow down, or at least, try to hold back. This is the last time for today...please," the brunette begged.

"Okay..." the blonde soothed.

They closed the distance, Steve catching Bucky's lips in his as he sighed softly. Bucky's arms were around Steve's neck, the blonde's hands on the brunette's thighs. They fought for dominance and Bucky managed to win, gently brushing his tongue along Steve's. The blonde's head swam with many thoughts to which he couldn't even pick on out to focus on. Bucky pulled away as Steve stole a few more quick kisses, fingers pressing onto the brunette's lower back. 

"Breakfast?" Bucky asked, resting his forehead on Steve's.

"Five more minutes," Steve purred.

He pulled Bucky back in, lips meeting again for the third time in the space of fifteen minutes, soft and tender. But Bucky let him, even if he knew he shouldn't be doing it. Sometimes temptation was truly hard to refrain from. 

* * *

Natasha ran the crimson red lipstick across her lower lip, before moving to the upper lip and doing the same. Clint was arriving for lunch and she'd dressed nicely for the occasion. Although, her intentions were different to what Clint thought he was arriving to. Natasha had been suspicious of the so called 'James Barnes' when she first lay her eyes on him. He looked all too familiar and it had been bothering her since then. She stood up and smoothed down her black dress, before putting on some black heels. Her hair was down in loose curls again, just how Clint had liked it when he first mentioned it. She wandered out to the kitchen and looked over the food she had cooked. It was fit enough for a king. 

_"I kissed James, twice,"_

She sighed and lent against the counter, tapping her fingers on the ledge. _Was James really who he said he was?_ The knock at the door tore her from her thoughts as she sauntered to the door. 

"Just seduce the crap out of him then demand answers. If he protests, kick his ass," she whispered.

When she opened the door, Clint stood in his S.H.I.E.L.D suit, with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

"Hey there, agent," she crooned, leaning against the door frame.

Clint blinked and gawked at Natasha who let out a short laugh.

"Hi, you look beautiful," he whispered.

"You don't look so bad either, come on in," Natasha replied.

Natasha walked back into the kitchen and lent back against the counter, shaking her curls off her shoulders. Her eyelids dipped as she eyed Clint intently, smiling seductively. Clint felt his face flush as he sat the roses down on the counter.

"I bought you these roses, I don't know what you like, but roses are always nice," he mused.

"You sure know how to treat a woman, Mr Barton," Natasha hummed.

"I think we're on a first name basis now aren't we, Natasha?" Clint answered.

"Of course, I'm sorry," Natasha soothed.

Clint smiled sheepishly.

"Come here," Natasha purred, beckoning the agent over.

The brunette felt his heart race as Natasha grabbed his tie and pulled him close. Her leg rested against his as she lent in close. Clint's eyes fell closed as he swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"Have you ever been in a room, alone, with a beautiful woman before, Agent Barton?" she questioned.

"N-not in a long time. I-I mean, well, you're the most beautiful," Clint stammered.

The red head grinned as her hand slid down to Clint's wrist as she tugged it. He followed like an obedient puppy, all the way to the couch. She pushed him down before sitting in his lap, pulling his tie to loosen it.

"Miss Romanov," Clint breathed out.

Her lips met his and Clint let out a surprised noise, before he wrapped an arm around Natasha's curved hips. Natasha's hands cupped his face as she deepened the kiss, a small smile in tow. She had Clint right where she wanted him. He was a pile of mush when she pulled away, lipstick smeared on his lips. Natasha waited for a moment, watching Clint's eyes go slightly hazy. The truth serum was starting to work its magic.

"Clint, sweetie, I need some answers," she spoke, cupping his face again.

Clint snickered.

"Anything for you gorgeous," he hummed.

The brunette's eyes flickered from being dazed to aware as he stared up at Natasha.

"What have you done to me?" he hissed.

"Truth serum honey, on my lipstick. Got you good didn't I?" she whispered.

"Do you do this to every man? How the hell did you get truth serum?" he asked.

"The Romanov family always had a way. Now, answer these questions for me, please?" she pleaded, smiling sweetly.

Clint struggled, he wanted to say no, but he couldn't. The serum pulsed through his veins and he was now at the hands of Natasha. He should have known she was going to be a suspicious person. 

"Is James Barnes real?" she queried.

"Yes," Clint replied.

"But he goes by another name yes?" she continued.

_Say no_ he thought.

"Yes," he spat out.

Natasha smirked and swung her arm lazily around Clint's shoulder.

"Can you get me information on a man named Bucky?" she questioned.

Clint pushed through the truth, keeping himself guarded.

"That's against our code to access other agent's files I'm afraid," he growled.

"I only need it for the sake of a friend," Natasha hummed.

"Is this all you want from me? To get information? Smooth Miss Romanov, real smooth," Clint bit back.

She smiled as she trailed her fingers down the brunette's jaw.

"Of course I don't just want you for this. I'm still interested in you Clint. I just don't like seeing my friend hurting," she mused.

"Steve, isn't it?" Clint asked.

"Yes," Natasha replied.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and sighed as he let his head fall back on the couch. 

"I can give you most of his information now," he confessed.

"That would be great," Natasha sighed.

"Would you mind, y'know, getting off me? So I can reach my phone," he grunted.

Natasha shifted and Clint smirked as he suddenly whipped out handcuffs. They were snapped around Natasha's wrists in one swift movement. 

"Hey! We had a deal!" she screamed.

Clint stood up and sorted his tie, shrugging his suit jacket back over his shoulders also. He turned his head and glared at the red head angrily. _Of all the women you could meet Barton_ he thought. 

"There was no deal Miss Romanov. You see, you thought I was telling the truth, but whatever serum you have...it's pretty weak. Because when I said I could get you the information, I was lying," he explained.

As he walked by the kitchen, Natasha scrambled to her feet and kicked her heels off.

"Clint please!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Miss Romanov, but we're done here," Clint snapped.

"Please! You can't leave me in these!" she wailed. "Clint please. I'm begging you! Steve is hurting and I can't take it anymore! Please I-" she paused, breaking down into tears.

She dropped down on the couch, her makeup running a little as she wiped it away, despite the handcuffs. Clint's heart sunk as he stopped at the door, hearing her sobs ring out in his ears. 

"Clint...I know it's against your code. But Steve needs to know. Whatever it is...he's getting too close to this said James guy. And if-god-if he's not who he says he is. I'm worried for Steve. What if he's dangerous? What if he's after Steve?" she choked out.

"He's not dangerous!" Clint roared, slamming his fist on the door.

Natasha jumped, finding herself back on her feet.

"He's a good person," he hissed. "A really good, honest agent," he added.

"Please, will you help me find closure for Steve?" Natasha begged.

Clint turned back and made his way over to Natasha. She wiped away a tear with her pinky finger as Clint got closer. Natasha's moves were quick and on target as she swung her arms out, clocking Clint on the jaw. He staggered back and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, groaning. Natasha pulled her hands apart with force, shaking the free from the cuffs. 

"There's some things you don't know about me Agent Barton. I can get out of handcuffs easily. I can trick people easily. And I can also easily kick your ass," she breathed out, smirking coyly.

"I always get roped in with women who've taken self defence classes and all that crap," Clint groaned.

"Oh no, I learnt a whole lot more from the family," Natasha retorted.

"Show me then, I dare you," Clint taunted.

"Bad call," Natasha whispered.

She ran at Clint, punching and swiping as the brunette tried his best to block her attacks. Her head thrusted forward, hitting Clint in the nose, a small crack following after. Clint yelled in pain as he staggered back, holding his hand over his nose. The red head flipped and swung her legs around the agent's neck, pushing him forward as he tumbled. She dropped to the floor and jumped on Clint, straddling his waist tightly. When she went to make her next move, she froze, her head hanging low as her curls brushed Clint's cheek.

"Don't make me use my gun Natasha," Clint threatened. "One blow through the hip and bye bye bikinis," he added.

Natasha grinned, feeling the muzzle of the gun press on her hip.

"Damn, I though you were just excited to see me," she teased.

"I was excited to have lunch with you...until you turned on me," Clint laughed, sarcastically, eyebrows knitting together.

His body ached and his nose was numb as Natasha continued to stare down at him. She lent down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, before pulling back with a hiss. Clint smirked triumphantly as blood showed on her lip from where he'd bitten her.

"Are we done here? Natasha..." he whispered.

"Not until you give me something," she growled.

"How about this? Bucky's dead and he ain't coming back. James Barnes is a new agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Sorry to disappoint you," Clint lied.

Natasha was lightly pushed off as she stared down at the floor. For once in her life she admitted defeat. When Clint was back at the front door again, she spoke up.

"You'll come back won't you?" she questioned.

Clint opened the door and turned back once more.

"Maybe. But don't bet on it," he replied.

The door slammed shut behind him and Natasha fell back against the couch. She grinned as she held her hand out and unfurled her fingers. A USB hard-drive sat in the palm of her hand as she flipped it over. On the label it said _'S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Data'_ , she knew she'd won.

"If I can't get it from you Clint, I'll just have to ask James myself," she spoke.

For that, she'd have to get in contact with Steve. Which was easier said than done.

* * *

It took him a long time to convince Steve to stay at the cabin. Bucky called Clint in again to be there so Steve had some company. It was also for security reasons. The brunette didn't want to leave Steve alone at any time. Their morning had been a bit of a whirlwind, but Bucky refrained from his urges after they'd finished swimming in the lake. Steve seemed to as well, but Bucky could see that look in his eye that he wasn't all for it. The blonde was always one to worry, even back in their days together as agents.

_"Steve I'll only be gone for three hours,"_

_"How do I know you'll even come back?"_

_"You're a worry wart Stevie. Look, as soon as the mission is finished I'll let you know,"_

_"Okay...I believe you,"_

_"Punk,"_

_"Jerk,"_

_"I'll see you later,"_

Bucky had lied to Steve, he and the team got trapped for at least a day. When they'd finally gotten rescued, Steve didn't talk to Bucky for days.

_"You didn't even let me know you were okay,"_

Steve was a mess then, tears filling his eyes, his voice hoarse.

_"I couldn't even call my ride,"_

He'd tried to make light of it, but Steve turned his back on Bucky that day. The brunette sighed as he walked down the streets in Brooklyn. Natasha had called Steve and asked to speak with him, before asking if the brunette would come into Brooklyn and see her. Bucky had asked why and she said that she was concerned about his mental health. So, Bucky agreed to come in and see her, even though he felt perfectly fine. He was dressed in baggy jeans, converse and a plaid shirt. The brunette kept his face covered with sunglasses and a cap, even if Steve wasn't there, he still had to keep himself incognito. His shoes crunched against dead leaves that blew onto the pathway, the wind cold against his skin. Natasha's office came into view and Bucky went around the back, because they were the instructions that Natasha had given him. He knocked on the door and heard a drawer close, then the click of boots. When the door opened, Natasha leaned against the frame, dressed casually as she smiled softly at Bucky.

"Hi James," she spoke.

"Miss Romanov," Bucky replied.

"Please, you can call me Natasha now. Come in," she soothed.

The brunette found the tone in her voice unsettling, he started to regret going there now. She sat down in her seat and turned around, offering the other seat to Bucky with a small gesture of her hand.

"Would you like some tea, coffee?" she asked.

"Do you have any water?" Bucky questioned.

Natasha nodded as she went over to the water cooler in the corner of the room and filled up a cup. Her eyes were still fixed on Bucky as she sauntered back over and put the cup down on the table. Bucky was growing paranoid now as he picked up the cup, his metal arm twitching and whirring. The brunette grunted and put the cup back down, holding his right hand on his metal arm.

"Having trouble with that?" Natasha hummed.

"Just twitches when I get anxious," he answered.

"Do you get anxiety a lot?" she continued.

"Sometimes," Bucky replied.

"When does it happen the most?" Natasha questioned.

"When I remember something that I shouldn't remember," he mused.

Her eyes darkened and narrowed as she tapped her fingers lightly on the arm rest of the chair.

"Does it happen a lot around Steve?" she queried.

Bucky nearly choked on his water.

"Excuse me?" he choked out. 

"With Steve. Do you remember things or feel guilty about something? Does your arm twitch then?" Natasha muttered.

His arm twitched again, making the brunette frown.

"You see, what I don't understand is why S.H.I.E.L.D only ever wrote Bucky's first name and not his second like every other agent. It got me thinking that maybe they were hiding something. So who did I seek out? Clint Barton. I tried to get information off him, but the truth serum I had wasn't so effective. But I did snatch his USB hard-drive from him," she explained.

The brunette's eyes widened as he stared at Natasha in horror.

"What do you know?" he asked.

Natasha's smirk dropped as she stood from her seat. She went to her desk and picked up Bucky's letter, as well as some other papers. Her eyes scanned over the pieces before she dropped them onto the table in front of Bucky.

"I hacked into Bucky's files and I found everything until it stopped. There was a blank space, of nothing. I searched for James Barnes, all there was were photographs. I took a photograph of Bucky, and I then took one from James Barnes' file. They looked...familiar, just one had short hair, one had long," she issued.

"говно," _Shit_ Bucky cursed.

Her eyes widened as she stepped closer, her lips parting slightly.

"So it is you," she whispered.

Bucky lifted his head as he pulled the cap off and put it on the table. He stared up at Natasha whose eyes burned into his.

"Yo-you're him! You're James Buchanan Barnes! You-" she paused. "Bucky Barnes..." she breathed out.

The brunette stood up as he pulled his hair back and tied it with a band. Natasha stepped back, her hand resting on her chest as she stared at Bucky in shock.

"How could Steve not notice?" she asked. "Do you have any idea what you've done!" she yelled.

"I did it to protect Steve," Bucky replied.

"Protect him? You've hurt him! You still are! He's spent years thinking you were dead, mourning, and now you're still here!" she screamed. "I knew from the moment I saw you! I saw that young, sarcastic face of yours in this!" she spat, waving her hand up and down the brunette. "What the hell happened?" she asked.

"I fell from that cliff in Finland, but I survived. But S.H.I.E.L.D found it as a way to keep Steve and I apart. With Steve out of S.H.I.E.L.D there was no way things would or could be the way they were. It was for Steve's safety, but even now someone is after him but I couldn't come back as Bucky when he knew I was allegedly dead. So I took James Barnes instead because Steve never found out my proper name in S.H.I.E.L.D anyway," Bucky explained.

"How can you possibly stand there and say you were protecting Steve? I have been helping him recover since it all happened. You're lucky I got him in time because he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be here!" Natasha roared.

The hurt in her eyes was all too much for Bucky. If Natasha was this hurt, how the hell would Steve feel? Bucky's jaw clenched as he looked away from Natasha. 

"He found your letter," she choked out, wiping a tear away with her palm. "He found it in S.H.I.E.L.D and he read it. And he _kissed_ you. He kissed you as James, not as Bucky. How do you think he's going to feel? Huh! How the fuck do you think he's going to be able to cope with this news!" she snapped.

"I won't tell him!" Bucky spat. "I won't tell him who I really am! Not yet!" he yelled.

He sounded exactly like Phil. Natasha stepped forward and shoved Bucky against the wall. Her hands pressed onto his chest as the brunette gasped out a breath of hair and stared in shock.

"You will tell him! You have to! Because if you don't, I will. And it'll hurt a hell of a lot more coming from me! How could you do this!" she shrieked.

The anger took over her as she raised her hand to strike him, but stopped when she saw the fear cross his face. His mind triggered a memory as he stared into the red head's mossy green eyes, the memories of Ward and Rumlow beating him when they could making him shake. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Please don't," he whispered. "Don't hit me," he wavered, shaking his head.

He put his hand on Natasha's wrist to hold it back, a tear sliding down his cheek when he opened his eyes.

"Bucky..." Natasha soothed.

His body trembled violently as he burst into tears, falling down to the floor, his fingers digging into Natasha's jeans, head resting on her knee. Natasha dropped down after him, her hand resting on his metal hand. She searched his eyes for answers but she saw nothing. They were empty.

"I've been hit enough in my life by people who shouldn't do it. Please don't hurt me Natasha. Please. Steve wouldn't like this, please," he begged.

"I'm sorry," she gasped. "Oh Bucky, I'm sorry," she wavered, pulling him into her arms.

Bucky wept on Natasha's shoulder, his hands gripping tightly on her jacket as she soothed him. All the hard work he'd done to keep himself in hiding was ruined. Natasha had found out his secret, now she wanted him to tell Steve. It all took its toll on him now. He'd either lose Steve again, or get fired, Clint would surely get fired too. _Then what was left for Steve? Death?_

"I can't tell him," he spoke.

"Yes you can. This isn't fair Bucky, he needs to know," Natasha replied.

"Get up," Bucky hissed.

Natasha obeyed, stepping back a little. Anger took over Bucky as he shakily stood up from the floor.

"You know what isn't fair? It isn't fair that you go behind Steve's back to find out things about me. It isn't fair that you became a god damn temptress and tried to lure Clint in to give you information. He's not fucking dumb y'know. You used him to get into S.H.I.E.L.D information. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You called me here because 'you worry for my health' but instead you shove this in my face. Now you expect me to spill this to Steve? What makes you so special to give those orders Natasha?" he questioned.

"Because I know Steve!" she yelled.

"You don't know Steve like I do!" Bucky roared.

"What's that supposed to mean!" Natasha exclaimed.

"We were in S.H.I.E.L.D together for years! And I loved him! So much! It all came back to me last night. And things got heated...not in a violent sense either," Bucky confessed.

"What?" Natasha breathed out.

Suddenly, the window near Natasha's desk shattered and Bucky's head turned to the side in one swift movement. He felt a sudden weight on him and a pained cry as he looked back. Natasha was slumped against him and he could feel something seeping onto his shirt. Bucky held Natasha back and saw her hand over her hip, blood leaking through her fingers.

"Oh god. Natasha? Natasha!" he yelled.

The brunette swung his arm under her as he picked her up, holding her bridal style as he kicked the other door down. He sprinted into the empty lobby and out of the front glass doors, his grip tightening on Natasha. Bucky let go of her for a second as he put his earpiece on, before picking Natasha up. She groaned weakly, hand still resting over the wound. Bucky raced down the street, his muscles burning from carrying the extra weight from Natasha. 

"I need a S.H.I.E.L.D car immediately! Whichever one is closest to Brooklyn!" he ordered, turning around a corner. 

"What's going on Agent Barnes?" Phil replied.

"Sir, I've got a gunman after me. There's been an injury," he panted out.

"Barton! Can you get to Barnes quickest?" Phil asked.

"Already on it!" Clint answered.

"Clint you're supposed to be with Steve!" Bucky exclaimed.

"Steve's with his friends, he was growing restless," Clint grunted.

The screeching of tyres echoed up the street, turning a few heads. Bucky kept running as Natasha's head fell limp on his shoulder.

"Stay with me Natasha. Stay with me," he whispered.

As Bucky saw the S.H.I.E.L.D car approach, he slowed. However, he didn't hear nor see the gunman in the building above him. All Bucky felt was the searing agony through his left hip as he collapsed. Natasha fell from his arms and Bucky hit the ground, hard, knocking him out in seconds.

"Bucky!" Clint yelled.

* * *

Steve didn't get granted a visit to see Natasha or Bucky. The blonde spent that night alone at the cabin with S.H.I.E.L.D cameras watching him. He didn't sleep and by the time the next day rolled in he couldn't move without needing a caffeine hit. Phil let Steve go to Brooklyn to see Sam, Thor and Loki who were all at Sam and Thor's apartment. Bruce would have been there, yet he'd jetted off to Calcutta to offer medical services for a few weeks. Steve was just glad to be around his friends again. But he couldn't stop worrying about Natasha and Bucky, wondering if they were okay. He was sitting on the plush couch in the apartment, his head resting on the palm of his hand, staring at the table. Sam, Thor and Loki were having a casual conversation and Steve only caught parts of it now and again. He was staring off into space, wondering if his two friends were even still alive. Clint had told him what happened and Steve was beside himself that night. Thor looked over at him and nudged his arm, drawing the blonde from his thoughts. 

"Are you alright Steve?" he questioned.

"Yeah, just worried about Nat and James I guess," Steve sighed.

Thor rested his hand on Steve's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"They will be fine," he mused.

"I don't think you guys understand what's happening," the blonde whispered.

"What ever do you mean pet?" Loki spoke.

Steve closed his eyes as he breathed in, then out deeply. He had to tell them, he hated keeping secrets from friends.

"James is protecting me from people who are trying to kill me," he confessed.

Loki's had fell over his mouth and Sam dropped his phone, while Thor stared in absolute shock. Steve sat up straighter and rested his elbows on his knees, running a hand through his hair.

"We don't know who they are yet. But I saw something on their uniform. It was red, looked like a skull with tentacles or something surrounding it. James and I are laying low in a cabin just outside of town. Phil thinks that one of the members of this organisation overheard Natasha and James' plans to meet up. They shot Nat first, right through the hip. Then they got James, in his left hip. They're after me and I don't know why," Steve explained.

"Oh Steven, darling," Loki whispered, reaching forward as he took Steve's hand.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner man?" Sam asked.

"I didn't want you three to get pulled into it," Steve answered. "God knows what I'd do if you all got hurt too," he added.

"We could have helped," Sam mused.

"No," Steve protested. "You won't help me alright? I need you three to stay safe. Promise me," he continued.

"We promise," Thor answered.

A knock at the door tore their attention away from their conversation like dogs waiting the arrival of their owner. Sam stood up and wandered over to the door. He opened it and saw Bucky standing there, his hand resting over his hip as he smiled softly.

"Hey Sam," he chimed.

"James," Sam replied.

Steve's head shot up as he got to his feet within seconds.

"James!" he called.

Bucky saw Steve appear in the doorway, his eyes looking over the brunette. Steve rushed forward and embraced Bucky, burying his face into the crook of Bucky's neck.

"You're alright," he breathed out.

"Yeah Steve, I'm okay," Bucky soothed, wrapping his free arm around Steve.

The blonde pulled away and looked over Bucky, his fingers running over the bandage on the brunette's head.

"Kinda fell and y'know, bumped my head," he chuckled.

"You're a god damn idiot, but you saved Natasha's life. Thank you," Steve answered.

He planted a gentle kiss on Bucky's cheek, causing Sam to let out a noise that sounded like a door creaking shut as he turned back around to face the others. 

"Damn, I told you there was a thing between those two! Thor you owe me! he exclaimed. 

"That was days ago!" Thor protested.

"Doesn't matter, cough it up you big melon," Sam huffed, holding his hand out.

Steve and Bucky laughed as Steve let Bucky into the apartment, closing the door behind them. He rested his hand on Bucky's back and guided him to the couch.

"Is it bad? Your hip I mean," he asked.

"It's not as bad as it looks. Natasha's isn't either. I took her home, she just wanted to sleep. Clint is with her," Bucky issued.

"Thank god," Steve sighed, helping Bucky sit down.

"It's lovely to see you again James," Loki crooned.

Bucky smiled softly.

"I hear you took a bit of a beating my friend," Thor spoke.

"A bullet wound to my hip is worth more than a beating," Bucky laughed.

"Glad you're okay though James," Sam interjected.

Steve smiled and gave Bucky's leg a soft squeeze, earning a weak smile from the brunette. Bucky should have been bothered by it, but he was exhausted, he didn't care about much a that point. If anything, he was just glad to be back in Steve's presence. While Sam, Thor and Loki got stuck into another conversation about work, Bucky moved his hand over Steve's and squeezed it tight. He'd thought about what Natasha had said. And he was going to tell Steve, but not until later tonight.

"Steve," he whispered.

"Yeah?" the blonde answered.

"I need to tell you something, but it'll need to be later," he replied, pulling a letter out of his left pocket. "There's instructions on here of where you need to go so that you stay safe. I'll be in an apartment building when you get there, just come straight in," he added.

"Why don't you just tell me now?" Steve questioned.

"I can't," Bucky soothed. "Please Steve," he pleaded, leaning close to the blonde's ear, making Steve shudder slightly. "If you promise to do this, I'll give you another kiss before I leave here. For old times sake," he continued.

_Bribery. Real smart Buck, real smart_ he thought. The brunette wanted to punch himself for even suggesting it in the first place. But the small glint of hope that flickered in Steve's eyes told him otherwise.

"Okay," Steve hummed.

Bucky nodded. 

"Hey Steve, how about we treat Loki and James to some music?" Sam asked.

The brunette hadn't even noticed the drumkit, microphone and two guitars sitting in the corner of the room. Steve looked at Bucky with hopeful eyes, earning a small shrug.

"I don't see why not," he responded.

Steve smiled as he stood up with Sam and Thor. He took the acoustic guitar while Sam took the electric one and Thor to the drumkit. The blonde sat up on the stool and fixed the microphone. Loki sat closer to Bucky and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. Bucky let the younger man lean his head on his shoulder so he was comfortable against him.

"Aw," Steve teased.

Bucky chuckled.

"Alright, well...you guys know I've been struggling for a while, y'know...since Bucky. I've been taking medication, even though it doesn't fucking work. But hey, I guess you can't mend a broke heart too quickly," Steve spoke.

Loki sniffled beside Bucky and wiped a hand over his eyes. The brunette felt his stomach drop and his heart ache for Steve. He couldn't believe he was in this very room with Steve hearing him say that.

"This song kind of calms me down, even though the story behind it isn't pleasant. But sit back and enjoy," he mused.

Steve began to play an acoustic part, his fingers working delicately on the strings. Bucky watched him intently, his throat clenching slightly from the bubbling emotions.

"All this talk of getting old. It's getting me down my love. Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown. This time I'm comin' down," Steve sang.

Sam joined in with the electric guitar as Thor gently tapped the cymbal.

"And I hope you're thinking of me. As you lay down on your side. Now the drugs don't work. They just make you worse. But I know I'll see your face again," Steve continued, closing his eyes as he swayed slightly.

Thor started on some beats with the drums as Bucky and Loki kept listening and watching. 

"Now the drugs don't work. They just make you worse. But I know I'll see your face again. But I know I'm on a losing streak. 'Cause I passed down my old street. And if you wanna' show, then just let me know. And I'll sing in your ear again," the blonde chorused, his eyes opening again.

He caught Bucky's gaze and the brunette felt his chest tighten.

"Now the drugs don't work. They just make you worse. But I know I'll see your face again," Steve hummed. "'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too. Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead," ge added.

Bucky's eyes welled with tears as they slid down his cheeks. He let out a shaky breath as he gently moved Loki off of him. The brunette got up slowly and retreated for the apartment balcony. He gripped his hands on the railing and choked out sobs, his shoulders shaking. He'd done this to Steve, he was the reason Steve was broken and full of guilt and sadness. Bucky couldn't believe he was going to reveal everything to Steve later in the night. 

"James?" Steve spoke.

_God, don't call me that_ he thought.

"James are you okay?" he questioned.

The brunette turned around and Steve stepped forward, his eyes laced with concern. Bucky took Steve's face in his hands and kissed him roughly, but still sweetly enough. His tears fell harder as he pulled away and dropped his hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he sobbed. "I'll see you later tonight," he added.

"James wait!" Steve called, racing after the brunette.

But Bucky was already gone, leaving no evidence behind of him ever being there. Steve slammed his fist against the apartment door as he grunted in frustration, leaning his head against the door.

"Trouble in paradise?" Sam asked.

Steve whipped his head around and glowered at Sam, his shoulders straightening up slightly, his eyes glassy.

"Steve, it's alright love," Loki soothed. "You're alright," he added.

"Nothing's okay. I loved Bucky and I only just found out he loved me too. James comes along and he-god-he makes me feel something too. Makes me feel what I did with Buck," Steve muttered.

"You'll figure it out man," Sam assured him.

He wanted to believe it, he reall did. But he just couldn't.

* * *

Hours ticked by before Steve could finally go out and follow Bucky's instructions. He got into Bucky's car that he had fixed, the one the brunette had arrived to Brooklyn in, despite being a S.H.I.E.L.D car. Steve pulled out of the driveway from the cabin as he sped down the road. His hands were grasped tightly on the wheel when he drove, feeling riddled with anxiety. The blonde was still dwelling over what had happened at Sam and Thor's apartment that afternoon. Bucky had unexpectedly just thrown himself at Steve, kissed him and then left. Clearly the temptations were getting a bit too hard to handle for them. The blonde drove himself through the quiet streets of Manhattan as he drove by some old shopping districts. He had to drive out to Brooklyn, even if that annoyed him greatly, it was a long trip sometimes. 

_"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry,"_

Steve wondered why Bucky had been sorry, he didn't need to be sorry for anything. He remembered all the times that apologies were shared, even for no good reason. The blonde floored it on the accelerator as he came up to the bridge. It was quiet again and it only took Steve back to the night he and Bucky ran. 

_"James!"_

_"Keep driving!"_

The way Bucky flawlessly dealt with their pursuers, it was there that Steve knew he needed that man in his life.

"Сволочи!"

Then the chase had ended and Steve was an absolute mess.

_"Steve, Steve? Oh god. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry..."_

He owed the brunette his life.

_"Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,"_

Steve shook his head slightly. He remembered the dance he had with the agent, the flirting...then the kiss, their first night of an intimate liaison.

_"You look beautiful tonight,"_

_"Sir..."_

By the time Steve came back to reality, he saw Brooklyn come into view. He slowed down and loosened his grip on the wheel as he turned down an empty street. Bucky had instructed him to go to an old building in the town. But it was all part of the plan to jog Steve's memory. 

"Where the hell is he leading me?" he sighed.

He pulled up to the old building ad stepped out. Steve only had jeans and a long sleeve grey shirt on, and the night was pretty cold. It was nearing midnight by the time he actually got to go out. _Why did James wait so long?_ he thought. The blonde approached the building and scanned his eyes along it. He suddenly yelled as a pain pounded in his head. Steve dropped to his knees and clutched his head as memories pulsed and flashed inside his head.

_"BUCKY!"_

_"Steve just go! Get outta' here!"_

_"No not without you! Never without you Bucky!"_

_"You're such a punk!"_

_"Jerk!"_

He saw Bucky leaping across a gap as Steve grabbed his arm. They raced out of the building as it burst into flames, the architecture crumbling and caving in. 

_"That was so close,"_

_"You owe me a drink,"_

_"Yeah yeah Stevie, I know,"_

It was the first mission they ever had together.

"Stop," Steve whispered, his hands trembling as he groaned in more pain.

The memories passed and Steve gasped for air as he fell back and rested his hand on his chest. His heart was beating rapidly as he looked around the abandoned street. The memories, the ones of Bucky, he didn't understand what they meant. Steve staggered back to the car and got inside. He picked up the instructions again and read over them carefully.

_**Drive the car down four blocks. Leave it there and walk down another block until you see an apartment building. There's a keycard in an open mailbox, go to level five and search for Room 5A. I'll be there. - J** _

"Dammit," he sighed, starting the car up again.

Steve drove down the streets, counting the four blocks on the way, before killing the engine. He sat for a moment, before he got out and started walking. The blonde was starting to become paranoid and worried as he ventured down the quiet streets. People did pass by but Steve didn't have his mind on them. _No_ , his mind was on Bucky who was waiting for him patiently in an apartment room. Steve stopped on the corner of the fifth block and looked across the road. The apartment block was there with seven levels on it as he stared for a while. His stomach churned but he walked across the road and pushed through the doors to the lobby. Steve wandered to the mailboxes where _5A's_ sat open, the keycard hanging over the edge. He took it in his hand and turned to the elevator. The blonde's heart hammered hard in his chest he thought it might burst.

"You can do this," he breathed out.

The elevator doors opened and Steve walked inside, turning back to face the empty lobby. It was a daunting feeling as he rode up on the elevator, he didn't know what to expect. A thousand things raced in his mind and Steve couldn't stay on one. He hummed to himself and closed his eyes to stop the sick feeling in his gut. When the elevator came to a halt, Steve opened his eyes as he stared down a dim lit hallway. A light flickered as he stepped out and slowly walked down the hallway, his breathing shallow and unstable. The lights kept flickering when Steve walked closer to his destination. Steve stopped when he saw _5A_ , his hand reaching for the handle.

_"Don't go in there,"_

Steve shook the voice away as he pushed the door open, peering around the gap, before stepping inside with cautious steps. His eyes fell on Bucky who was sitting in the shadows, his piercing blue eyes the only visible thing from the moonlight through a gap in the curtain. 

"James..." he spoke.

"My name isn't really James, at least, not to some people," Bucky replied.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"Look around you," the brunette whispered.

The blonde turned his head and gasped as his eyes searched the walls. Every available piece of space was covered with pictures and copies of files from S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve looked at every single one of them. They were all of himself and Bucky, their S.H.I.E.L.D days, their days just hanging out together. Just the two of them, two kids from Brooklyn. He saw Bucky's heart felt letter plastered on the wall and he tensed, turning back to the agent. 

"How did you-" he paused. "Who the hell are you!" he exclaimed.

Bucky closed his eyes, before opening them again, his vacant eyes fixed on Steve. The blonde stared into his eyes, waiting for an answer. Something... _anything._

"You saved my life once, sir. Back in 2009, in London, June the 7th," Bucky confessed, the red lights on his metal arm blinking at each movement it made.

It hit Steve like a bullet-train about to de-rail. His brain opened up a door that flooded with memories that had been locked away for so long. The blonde let out a choked gasp as his eyes screwed shut, head pounding painfully. 

_The thick billowing smoke, the fire, the dead agents spread out in rooms._ Steve saw himself weaving by wooden beams that had collapsed. His lungs weren't doing so well, but he was there, looking for his best friend. 

_"Bucky!"_

_"Steve!"_

He remembered the floor caving in.

_"Bucky!"_

Bucky held on tight.

_"I've got you!"_

" _Till the end of the line,"_

They flashed before his eyes as he snapped them open. He was laughing and smiling with Bucky. The pair of them holding each other tight after a mission blurred in his head also. Then they skipped further and further down the line.

_"James, James Barnes,"_

_"Steve Rogers,"_

Steve's eyes started watering as his brain registered more things that had happened just recently. The brunette's first touch, the brunette's voice. Their kiss, it showed in his mind as he felt the sound drown from his ears. Steve's eyes filled with tears as he saw the blue eyes blink in front of his face. They were so familiar, and he was still staring at a pair, in that very room. 

_"Steve I-"_

_"James..."_

Their one intimate night together danced in his head as he turned to look back at the files on the wall. Right before him was younger Bucky, then an older version, the metal arm and all. _'James Buchanan Barnes'_ it said, and underneath the nickname space they both said _'Bucky'._ Steve felt his heart shatter and clench as the tears fell down his cheeks. He turned slowly, his eyes bloodshot as he stared open mouthed at the brunette who still stood in the shadows. His lip trembled as he attempted to speak, his voice hoarse.

"Bucky?" he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes a lot of bullets doesn't he? Well, he's about to get more. The next chapter is going to just get even worse. There will be a fair few emotions I assure you and Steve and Bucky will get rather aggressive in the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Prologue is just to introduce you to Steve and Bucky's lives and debrief you on what is happening. Later on, Hydra will be the threat on Steve and I'll be making up my own character to be the main leader of Hydra. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> I can be found at http://starspangledbuckyfanfictions.tumblr.com/ for updates etc. I've only just made it though so bear with me.


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